Would you be upset?

[jaybee123]

I had a miscarriage around six weeks ago. I’m
a massive name nerd so I’d already picked out my names (Freddie for a boy or Elsie for a girl).

Following my miscarriage I was at a bbq with my friends (one of which is pregnant with a boy). My
Best friend asked her if she had any names in mind and she said “not really. We’ve agreed on around three but haven’t decided on anything yet”. My best friend said what are they and her response was I can’t remember. Following the conversation she then asked me if I’d picked out a name for the baby I’d lost and I said Freddie if it was a boy and I’d be using it in the future hopefully as we would be trying again as soon as we were able to.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and I’m at a meal for another friends birthday. The pregnant friend isn’t there but her partner is. My friend asks him if they’ve agreed on a name yet and he replies were calling the baby Freddie. I was in shock. I mean I know you can’t claim a name but a fortnight before I’d had an emotional conversation telling her what I’d have called my lost baby and at that point she’d made no concrete decision on a name and couldn’t even remember her shortlist.

Would you be upset?. This girl is also meant to be one of my bridesmaids. I’m closer to her partner than I am her but I asked her as she was the only girl in our group not being one and I felt bad not including her, she obviously doesn’t have my conscience.

I think I’m still going to use Freddie in the future but I’m reconsidering having her as a bridesmaid she’s really hurt me.

Do you have any other suggestions I could use if I considered an alternative name?

 

[timithos]

@jaybee123 I know you can’t claim a name, but yes, I’d be upset.

I have a friend who had many struggles with infertility and her very last attempt at IVF, the very last embryo she named Emmett. (She didn’t name the rest but this was her last chance). I’ve always loved the name Emmett, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to name my living child after her dead one.

For someone to do this, she either has to be completely ignorant to your pain, or actively trying to cause you pain.

Do not have in your bridal party. I sort of regret 2 off my bridesmaids, and not even because we aren’t friends, just because we weren’t super close.

Being a bridesmaid is a privilege, don’t give pity invites.

 

[tnvolfirefighter]

@jaybee123 I can definitely understand why you would be upset about that. Honestly, this is why I'm a proponent of not sharing the names you like with ANYONE, even in a hypothetical conversation, until the baby is born and formally named. You can't control how others will react or what they will or won't do.

For a similar name, you could use Frederick or Eddie.

 

[katrina2017]

@jaybee123 Yeah that's annoying AF, but you picked good names!

 

[lifeabundant]

@jaybee123 Why Freddie?. Is it a namesake for a close loved one or you just like the name...

 

[jaybee123]

@lifeabundant I just love the name. I’ve been fixed on it for around three years. That being said if I hadn’t miscarried and she’d chosen Freddie I wouldn’t be as upset it’s the fact that I miscarried and had that name ready if I’d had a little boy. I also know that they decided on the name after my conversation with her about choosing the name. I’m just upset someone could be that selfish after I’ve gone out of my way to include her in our group since she started going out with my friend. I just wanted to see what people thought about it that’s all.

 

[lifeabundant]

@jaybee123 Don't be upset. Just know she's a POS..that's all. And in the future if and when you decide to have a baby , you can still use that name for it doesn't belong to any one except who has it . There's room for a few Freddy's

 

[whigg]

@jaybee123 I mean, you've been through a lot. If I were you, I'd be upset about everything for a while. Hormones, grief, physical impact, psychological impact... yeah, I'd be upset. You're doing great just by going places and being with people and living your life. I hope you're proud of yourself for doing hard things.

One possible way that this woman might not be a villain in this story: maybe she/they had already chosen Freddie but she didn't want to tell anyone the names they had in mind (because sharing names often backfires), but her partner chose to let the cat out of the bag (not knowing that sharing names often backfires). It definitely sounds like she didn't want to tell anyone the names-- nobody "just can't remember" their favorites when they're down to 3, lol. I'm currently pregnant and have two names that I'm leaning towards, but if anyone asks me I pretend that I have no idea. There's a real chance that Freddie was one of the secret top 3 that she didn't want to discuss.