Will my only be too lonely?

[utookmyname]

@momof452 I added an edit based on what you wrote elsewhere. What age is preschool in your area? This fall? If no, is there any way you can get him involved in other social activities before then in the summer when the vaccine is better distributed? That sounds like the real issue here, not the lack of a sibling.

I've done a lot of research on age gaps and whatnot. Obviously there's nothing perfect but a big takeaway I found is that eldest boys benefit more from extra only child time as far as sibling relationships. However, you're not necessarily going to be happy with more unless it's something you and your husband truly crave.

The answer to your main question is that your only will be lonely if you let that happen. A sibling isn't the answer. As to whether you have another, that's up to you and your husband long term, whether you can handle the stress, how much time you have, how strong your relationship is, whether you husband would be resentful of having another that he didn't really want, if you think your son is going to be okay with a sibling. If your son is already lonely, won't he fell more lonely when you reject his request in favor of helping the baby? Ideally you want him to have some sort of network before bringing in another.

 

[tim123]

@momof452 So, I don’t have any kids yet, but I am an only child and I was an only grandchild until the age of 25, no cousins. I think your son will be fine either way. I was bored pretty much all the time growing up, but now that I’m an adult I believe that it helped me be content in my own company. I enjoy my me-time and don’t require constant interaction or entertainment. I did go to daycare from the start, but I feel like having your child involved in pre-school and activities will be sufficient. You will just have to put in extra effort to make sure he is getting socialization (during non-pandemic times of course).

I, too, am of the opinion that you shouldn’t have a child just to give your child a playmate. They might not even want to play together.

 

[mads]

@momof452 I have a 5.5yr old only child. Alone does not have to equal lonely! We are similar to you in that she has no cousins and when we had her we didn’t have any friends with children (friends are mostly purposefully CF). I think that being comfortable with being alone is one of the greatest gifts you can have so I hope my daughter grows up with that attribute.

I think that ‘wanting a playmate’ for an existing child isn’t a great reason to have another. There is no guarantee they’ll get along and poor sibling relationships can have a huge impact on them as individuals and the family dynamic. I have a brother 2yrs older than me and we have not gotten along even since we were young then he was incredibly abusive which ruined my teen years and made me leave home at 17 seeking safety, it had a profound impact on my life.

My daughter has had plenty of Socialisation and is a very kind and outgoing person. She went to daycare and has done activities like swimming, baby gym, music and theatre classes since she was a baby and has gathered friends from everywhere. She just started school this week (I’m in Australia) and has done exceptionally well making friends already.

We went into parenthood without expectations of how many children we’d have but are very happily one and done. For a while our daughter asked for a sibling desperately but recently she’s started seeing the benefits of being an only child. Her friends with younger siblings LOVE it at our place too because there’s no little kids throwing tantrums or interrupting them and they can do more grown up stuff in peace. We do put effort into fostering friendships for her at this age and will often take one of her friends out on outings with us or have them over for the day. We also integrate our daughter into things we do, she’s very happy hanging out with us and loves traveling.

Being an only child doesn’t have to mean being lonely. I’m a mod at r/oneanddone, if you haven’t joined our community come have a look it’s a very positive and welcoming space for families with only children.

 

[joncates]

@momof452 Y’all have kids for all the wrong reasons

 

[momof452]

@joncates What's the right reason to have kids?

 

[joncates]

@momof452 If you really want them. I don’t think “I want my son to have a sibling” is a good reason to have kids. No other reason other than I WANT TO HAVE more children is a right reason but that’s just my opinion.