Why Did I Become a Mom in the U.S.?

[aklil]

I’m a mom to a 14-month old and I want to give him the world. How can I do that in this stupid country of ours?

I want to give him a sibling…good try with that. If you have a miscarriage, you will be left to bleed out because laws don’t protect you anymore. Or worse, thrown in jail or maybe put on death row for having a life-saving abortion. Oh, and that will be $3000 out of pocket to have another kid. Enjoy!

I want to work…good luck finding a job that gives you paid leave. Why are we one of 7 countries on the whole damn planet that don’t offer paid leave?!?! Oh, you need to breastfeed? Here’s a closet. Enjoy. But you will be punished for taking the time and get looks from your colleagues.

Or find a job with a flexible schedule so I can afford daycare. Or one that has good healthcare and benefits.

I want to give him a well-balanced meal…good luck finding produce that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.

I want him to grow up…good luck avoiding guns and drills. If he’s not in a shooting, he will be traumatized by the drills.

I see what other countries get and I’m bitter. I hear politicians saying that the population is down and no one wants to have kids anymore.

This is why! Support families. Allow us to have a fighting chance. Until then, this kid factory is closed.

 

[reporter94]

@aklil Oof yup. My husband and I wanted 2 kids, maybe three when we were young and hadn’t had kids yet. My husband works for the railroad, so is never home. I work full time. And my job when our son was young was not at all flexible.

Because of the horrific healthcare for women in this country I almost died giving birth. My son born at 40 weeks exactly had to go to the nicu due to the infection i had. When I came home from the hospital after an emergency c-section, I was lucky to have my husband home for a week and a half after. But also super lucky that i had super awesome health insurance due to working for a state with strong collective bargaining that left me with only a total bill of $500 between mine and my husband’s insurance. Then we put our son in daycare. We had a home daycare at first for the bargain price of $185 per week in 2012. When we were considering a second and had moved to a center, we found out we would be paying over $700 per week, which we could not do. So we decided to wait to have a second, and then when I was out of baby jail, I could not go back. So we had one. Now that my one is almost 11, I really sort of wish we would have had another. But without support, it’s so hard. So, yeah I totally hate this too.

 

[dw4559]

@reporter94 My husband got a week for me giving birth and 3 days of that was spent in the hospital during my labor and c section/ recovery

 

[humansmeagol]

@dw4559 My husband got a "let us know by the day." And went back after 5 days. I was in the hospital for 3. I thankfully got 6 weeks paid at a 60% average of my salary the previous year (covid shutdowns). I got a whopping $1200. I am grateful, I know plenty who get none. I opted to take the full 12 weeks offered by FMLA (another nightmare process to hold my job while I make sure my newborn survives). I have my mom and she fills in on the weekends. We live in a HICOL area and our part time nanny runs us 2k a month. Daycare isn't feasible with the shut downs and sicknesses so we shell out the extra for stability. Idk where I'm going with this. Just so shitty and I had it "good" with my company.

 

[dw4559]

@humansmeagol My husband was given the week but would have had to get FMLA paperwork for more.

Isn't it shitty that you and I are the ones that have it good?

 

[nishaphilips85]

@aklil Same people that say “it’s not a gun problem it’s a mental health problem!” Are the same assholes who go “why should muh tax dollars pay for YOUR health care”

I’m so angry.

 

[sara1985]

@nishaphilips85 I had someone say that to my face. "Ok, but Im paying taxes too. The other gender populace pays the same taxes as you. Why should their taxes not pay for them? Why does it only cover you? Why am I only covering for you." I got a shrug. Helpful.

 

[megnat]

@nishaphilips85 I couldn’t agree more. It is hard to have kids, it’s almost unlivable to have kids in the US.

But not for the reasons people automatically go to, like sleepless nights and shit like that, it’s because the US does not allow parents time to PARENT.
No one tells you you’re gonna be sick for the first 3-4 years of their life because they have to go to daycare (unless you have family support or can pay a nanny) and they will be sick that entire time. And you will rush through 2-3 hours a day with them. That’s it.

And you’ll somehow have to take care of 1) your sick kids, 2) yourself, 3) all the random house shit like getting groceries or fixing the broken faucet, all while keeping a job that actually requires 55 hours a week but says it’s only a 40 hour work week.

I’m ashamed of our country and the way we treat women and our most vulnerable, children (and the less than able bodied but that’s a tangent).

We have to have a two personal income for a variety of reasons, not only is it financially necessary, but I don’t want to lose my ability to financially take care of myself and my kids IF I have to. I’ve seen too many women get left high and dry and out of the work force and in a bad way bc of their asshole husband. I’m in limbo with my asshole husband and if I’d quit working I wouldn’t have the ability to have the option to leave A lot of men in the US are raised to be asshats (evidence in the forum).

Also, we don’t have a village, we are on our own islands. It’s so bad. Most people don’t have family support. We don’t have any family support anymore, in fact, both of our families mostly make things worse with a couple outliers.

Don’t even get me started on reproductive rights (or lack thereof) and school shootings. That pisses me off and I live in a place where I’m an unfortunate outlier on these topics.

For fucks sake, I can’t do anything without the Pearl clutchers getting involved. It’s like having a really nasty and racist and misogynistic peanut gallery that makes all the decisions without being in the ring.

RANT OVER

 

[sasha277]

@nishaphilips85 To their credit, utilizing mental health issues is the first step of fixing healthcare. It’s RIGHT there. So so close. Just need that final oomph to close the gap.

I write this as an extreme leftist who wants guns banned and free healthcare and education, but I’m willing to accept baby steps at this point.

 

[rophina]

@nishaphilips85 It's a broken system all around for sure

 

[resourcebook]

@aklil The U.S- where they are trying to save us from Tik Tok but won't save us from gun violence.

 

[suesabelle]

@resourcebook Seriously though

 

[htb33rod]

@aklil I have so much anger with nowhere to go. This place fucking sucks.

 

[geomer12]

@htb33rod If you want to channel that anger into action, you have options. Every American woman needs to start fighting back. I wrote a really long post about how to get more involved back when Roe v. Wade was overturned, it's still relevant- here's the link to that..

 

[olivia18]

@aklil As a Canadian mama, I have so much empathy for you. I just cannot wrap my head around any of it. I am so sorry.

 

[aklil]

@olivia18 I’m so scared for him.

 

[olivia18]

@aklil I would be, too.

 

[suzieq66]

@aklil I do not know why we continue to put up with this shit. We fought a revolution over taxes.

 

[leedoldol]

@suzieq66 I admire the fuck out of the French right now. They're burning Paris down because the RETIREMENT AGE may be lifted. Why can't we get any of that energy here to save our damn lives?

 

[lynn67]

@leedoldol Because:

Americans are too overworked to riot—they need to keep their jobs to pay for living and healthcare. Taking time out of work to protest could well mean their family won’t be able to eat the next week.

There’s a very high possibility of being shot by our own police for protesting/rioting.

This country is broken and disgusting. I’m ashamed to be American yet like many others, can’t afford to live anywhere else.