Which maternity leave option would you take ?

[victoriala108]

Hi all first time mom here and below are the four options of mat/Pat leave my husband and I have between some state law and saved up vacations days. Which option should we take? Based on your experience of how the first several weeks will be (postpartum/sleep concerns) and what it is like having a kid in the first year (how often they get sick in infant care?) or if you have other timeline suggestions based on your experience that’s similar to these options. Like 2 weeks instead of 6 weeks etc.

I’m leaning towards option 2 or 4. I’m most worried about taking on postpartum by myself.

This is all assuming our employers are ok with these, we haven’t actually discussed with them bc I’m not far enough along but we are 90% they will be ok with these bc they r pretty chill /family oriented people as well as workers rights we have.

Some vital facts- baby due Jan 30. 2024, we don’t have any family or close friends near by to come help. Infant care place does not allow part time options. When it says 0 pto days left this is from out “Pat/May leave bank”, we might actually have 2-6 pto days that are accrued through the pt work (or in general with annual pto benefits) but I just don’t have brain space to calculate that this early on, so assuming worst case scenario.

Abbreviations: W= wife H= husband FT= full time PT= part time B=# how old baby (is in months) when enrolls in infant care

Option 1- straight forward, separate

W takes 12 weeks off FT by her self, then H takes 12 weeks off FT by himself, B= 6. Baby is watched separately the entire 6 months. W first few weeks of postpartum and watching baby all on her own. H & W has 0 days of pto left rest of year.

Option 2 - time off together

W & H takes first 4 weeks FT off together. Then W stays home another 4 weeks FT by herself, while H goes work FT for 4 weeks. then by the 8th week of baby’s life. H works PT for 13 weeks, W works PT for 13 weeks. Ultimately trading days watching baby. B=5, W has 4 days pto remainder of year, H has 0.

Option 3 - separate time off, H pt only

W first 8 weeks FT off, then goes back to work pt. H works ft during theses 8 weeks, thus w is all own her own the first 8 weeks postpartum. H goes pt, when w goes pt. B= 6, H has 9 days pto remainder of the year, W has 0.

Option 4: pt together, H pt the entire time

W first 8 weeks FT off, then goes back to work pt. H works pt during theses 8 weeks, then continues pt when w does pt. B= 6.5, W has 2 days pto remainder of the year, H has 0.

 

[charlotte99]

@victoriala108 I wouldn't deplete anyone's PTO. In the first year you'll have a handful of doctor appointments for LO. I would take those into consideration.

Typically you can expect:

Follow up from birth (3-5 days after discharge from hospital)

2 week check up

2 month check up

4 month check up

6 month check up

9 month check up

12 month check up

 

[bigt]

@victoriala108 FTM as well, so I have no proof as to which method would actually work best, but I'd pick option 2. You get dedicated help in the beginning, then you get some more time to heal by staying home alone with baby for an additional 4 weeks. Baby gets to be with a parent and out of daycare as long as possible while still supporting the mother in those first few weeks.

 

[felicitys]

@victoriala108 Following because I’ll need to work through this too.

From a manager’s perspective I’ve had several team members who’ve gone out on leave, returned in a PT capacity (which we are happy to support) but then quickly expected to be promoted which we couldn’t reasonably do due to the person being PT for 6+ months. To be fair to the PT employee we took time sensitive items off their plate, and gave them more projects that they could do in their own time aka these aren’t promotable things. Vs we had employees who took FT leave for 6+ months then returned FT and we were more quickly able to build them back up with high priority projects. So just want to mention in case either you or your husband are hoping for a promotion, as to think through FT/PT from this angle too.

 

[reebern]

@victoriala108 I think it’s really valuable to have husband be the full time sole caretaker for a chunk of time. I’ve seen friends do staggered leaves, so dad takes over when mom goes back to work, and I think it really sets you up well for a more egalitarian parenting approach.

My husband is a great dad and really committed to being an equal parent. But he got only 2 weeks of paternity leave, and was never the primary parent. It was really hard to transition to true 50/50 when I had just spent several months learning everything about baby’s preferences and needs and he hadn’t. After her first birthday, we moved and changed jobs and he spent 3 months between jobs as the primary parent, and it really helped us to get into a more egalitarian approach.

 

[cathyband]

@victoriala108 If your employers are ok with any of these I’d go with option 2. However it’s unlikely that you’ll both be able to return to work part time, FMLA typically covers 6-8 weeks for medically necessary leave for mom immediately following birth, but doesn’t cover anything for non birthing parents. Some areas have separate pregnancy and bonding leave coverage which may allow intermittent leave (which in some cases can allow you to work part time.) another thing to consider is breastfeeding, if you are planning on breastfeeding it take time to establish supply, it’s recommended to feed on demand, at least 8-12 times in 24 hours, if you’re not feeding baby then you should be pumping at these times. It’s exhausting, especially considering all of the overnight wake ups.

I personally wouldn’t recommend going back to work in any capacity for at least 8 weeks as the one who gave birth and was breastfeeding. I honestly didn’t feel working always reasonable until somewhere around 12-14 weeks postpartum.

 

[vickic]

@victoriala108 I would suggest that husband take off at least some time immediately after baby is born (4 weeks is good, more is always better) to help while you heal. If your works allows it, I would ask for 4, with flexibility to extend.

I would suggest that you, as birthing parent, take 12 weeks if you can swing it. The first 6 is healing + figuring shit out. The next 6 is still figuring shit out, but at least you don't hurt and can relax/enjoy a tiny bit of baby life by going on errands and stuff.

I would also suggest that neither of you deplete your entire PTO unless you have unlimited sick/care time too. When baby does go into daycare, you should expect everyone to get sick on and off for a few months. This is normal and exhausting.

I would also suggest that both mom & dad get alone time with baby, but that doesn't have to be via certain scheduled leaves. It just has to be that both of you know how to take care of EVERYTHING (physically and mental load!) that your kid could need during a whole day/night.