Waiting for the right time..

[badone]

Hey folks, after years of fence sitting my partner and I have decided the one and done life seems dreamy! We’re excited for this next chapter! However, the decision has come at a bit of a weird time.

I’m 30(F) and we’re planning on doing a two week road trip in the summer. Knowing I’m one and done has made me think “why the rush”. I’m worried about the potential symptoms hindering some activities and just general fatigue.

I’m here to see people’s experiences with travel/pregnancy (have you done it?) As well as general anecdotes. What age did you decide to have your one! Do you wish you had tried sooner? I need advice! I feel stuck! We’d only have to wait until July of this year for reference.

 

[jimbobby2021]

@badone One and done can allow you space and freedom…but not guaranteed, and definitely not for quite a few years. Life with a young child is intense. I had someone compare it to someone blowing you and your life up when child is born and then it takes years for the pieces to come back together and even longer to heal into a new normal. I found that description apt.

Its such a norm in our society to have two kids, that I find its a common error in thinking thta having one child is so easy, its just sunshine and roses. And its not. Parenting is hard, full stop.

To the point that so many people who have only one, have one not because its a preference, but because… once they do have that one, they are hit with the reality of parenting and realise that one is all that they can handle. It is a taboo in our society to talk about it, but some parents really struggle with the day to day responsibility of it. They might love their kid/s but struggle with parenting. It is a lot.

Once you have the child, you wont have time with your partner, wont have chances to travel/vacation without your child ( and be realistic….travelwith child is NOT a vacation, its like taking your incredibly hard, nevereneding job on the road with you) so my advice is…go. Take the time, enjoy, relax, have time with your husband. These will be your last moments just the two of you…do yourself a favour and cherish every moment when you have the opportunity. Chances are you wont get another one for a long, long time.

 

[erin81]

@jimbobby2021 1000% this. Prior to my daughter, I planned on at least two, if not three. Now we’re OAD. One thing that’s unexplainable before you have a kid - It. Never. Ends. They don’t care if you’re sick or exhausted or depressed or hungry or puking or whatever. They need what they need, and it does not end. That’s true for one or two or ten.

 

[abradaswity2675]

@jimbobby2021 Oh yes, that is the perfect description lol.

 

[jemmace]

@jimbobby2021 Thank you! This is so true. There’s this weird perception that having one is like being half a parent. Or like dipping your toe in. It’s full time irreversible parenting, no days off. You said it perfectly.

 

[shatteredparadigm]

@jemmace First one is jumping in head first - all subsequent is just like - I’m already in the water drowning might as well be drowning with more children.

 

[robinswilliam]

@badone I have a somewhat skewed perspective, one might say. It took me two years to conceive, including 1 1/2 years of infertility treatment culminating in IVF.

We spent way too much time early in TTC worried about "oh but what if you're pregnant" and avoided planning things, doing things, etc.

Plan the trips, have the fun.

Re: a road trip, I think we did an 8-hour drive a time or two. I was a weirdo who got nausea but never vomited, so I was generally fine. Had to stop to pee a lot though!

 

[teresapartridge]

@robinswilliam I was the same way. I let the possibility of being pregnant hold me back in every area of life. Wasted 2 years doing that.

And I knew someone who got pregnant the first try. It was ectopic and that was the beginning of her fertility/baby journey (which, 3 years on, still has not come to an end). I'm glad she has continued to travel and live life.

 

[faith76]

@badone Get your fertility checked. By a reproductive endocrinologist. Both you and your partner. Check your AMH and AFC. Have your partner get a semen analysis. If all comes back good, live your life. If not, then you'll be able to start treatment before it's too late.

Signed,
Someone who is OAD not by choice due to infertility. I wish someone had told me this at 30.

 

[peterh99]

@faith76 If they're considering waiting a few years, I think this makes sense. If they're planning to start trying in a few months, then a few months of trying before going through the process of testing might be preferable.

 

[peterh99]

@badone Starting to try after that trip sounds like a good option. It gives you some time to mull things over, do some research and start taking folic acid! Just consider whether you'd be likely to plan another trip you wouldn't want to do while pregnant, and a Christmas time when you would want to drink, and a best friend's wedding and... Etc etc. You can't keep putting your life on hold because pregnancy is inconvenient.

 

[aquinsky]

@badone Plan the trip. You may be pregnant you may not be. Don’t stop your life, also don’t stop it once you have a kid either!

 

[robertgreen92301]

@badone I was 23, we decided to start trying in the Jan, got pregnant in March and then lockdown hit. Which was the most traumatising experience of my life but also lucky as I was too ill to get out of bed from weeks 7 to 12. Not even extreme puking, just average puking but I felt ROUGH. When we did want another, we said we'd try while I was still off so I didn't have to get a job and work through feeling so ill again!

A lot of my experience was similar to family as they were all ill, a lot of baby friends weren't sick at all.

Honestly I felt completely ready but the circumstances knocked me for six and I love my kid but fuck do I miss being selfish. My husband is taking her all day for mothers day and I've been looking forward to a day to myself for half a year now!

 

[jeanne7]

@badone As someone who struggling with infertility, I wouldn’t make plans around a potential pregnancy. I also wish we would have tried TTC early because of the time it took. You never know when it will happen so keep on living!

 

[totesthegoat]

@badone I struggled took me over 2 years so I say maybe try but not try then when you get back from the trip do more intentional trying?

 

[heloise23]

@badone Oh god it’s so hard to say. People have night and day experiences with conceiving and pregnancy. I wouldn’t put your life on hold assuming you’ll be pregnant or unable to enjoy something because you’re pregnant.

It took us 3 1/2 years of trying (and a bunch of tests on both of us that all came back normal - still don’t know why it was difficult) to get pregnant at all. But of course some people get pregnant the first time without protection.

Finally had baby at 36 and it’s awesome.

When pregnant I had an immediate jump in blood pressure and heart rate, was thirsty as hell from week 5, but felt fine until week 7. Then I had 24/7 severe nausea (but no vomiting) and horrible food aversions until week 20. After that it wasn’t so bad, mostly uncomfortable.

 

[abradaswity2675]

@badone I wish I was younger when I went through pregnancy, as I think it would have been easier on my body. I wouldn't change the timing now because then I'd have a different kid . It all works out.

On a side note, pregnancy was horrible for me. I could barely drive myself 10 min to work without gagging or puking. That went on until around 20 weeks or so and was on and off until 30 weeks. My body also hurt, I could barely sit in a chair, I had really sore hips and knees etc. Had to pee constantly. I got pregnant the first month trying, in August, and I was pretty early into being 32. I would not want to be experience the first trimester through an entire summer, or any trimester really, because it's my favorite time and also the idea of being pregnant and hot and sweaty is just not my idea of fun haha.

I would never have been able to go on a trip in my condition. You're only 30, I think you can wait a few months and enjoy your trip. That's what I would do, at least. The first trimester is really hard for a lot of women.

The best part of being one and done is that during the hard times you can push through and be like "well I never have to go through this shit again" haha, while being fully present for all of the good times as well.