Waiting for the right time..

[badone]

Hey folks, after years of fence sitting my partner and I have decided the one and done life seems dreamy! We’re excited for this next chapter! However, the decision has come at a bit of a weird time.

I’m 30(F) and we’re planning on doing a two week road trip in the summer. Knowing I’m one and done has made me think “why the rush”. I’m worried about the potential symptoms hindering some activities and just general fatigue.

I’m here to see people’s experiences with travel/pregnancy (have you done it?) As well as general anecdotes. What age did you decide to have your one! Do you wish you had tried sooner? I need advice! I feel stuck! We’d only have to wait until July of this year for reference.

 

[jimbobby2021]

@badone One and done can allow you space and freedom…but not guaranteed, and definitely not for quite a few years. Life with a young child is intense. I had someone compare it to someone blowing you and your life up when child is born and then it takes years for the pieces to come back together and even longer to heal into a new normal. I found that description apt.

Its such a norm in our society to have two kids, that I find its a common error in thinking thta having one child is so easy, its just sunshine and roses. And its not. Parenting is hard, full stop.

To the point that so many people who have only one, have one not because its a preference, but because… once they do have that one, they are hit with the reality of parenting and realise that one is all that they can handle. It is a taboo in our society to talk about it, but some parents really struggle with the day to day responsibility of it. They might love their kid/s but struggle with parenting. It is a lot.

Once you have the child, you wont have time with your partner, wont have chances to travel/vacation without your child ( and be realistic….travelwith child is NOT a vacation, its like taking your incredibly hard, nevereneding job on the road with you) so my advice is…go. Take the time, enjoy, relax, have time with your husband. These will be your last moments just the two of you…do yourself a favour and cherish every moment when you have the opportunity. Chances are you wont get another one for a long, long time.

 

[erin81]

@jimbobby2021 1000% this. Prior to my daughter, I planned on at least two, if not three. Now we’re OAD. One thing that’s unexplainable before you have a kid - It. Never. Ends. They don’t care if you’re sick or exhausted or depressed or hungry or puking or whatever. They need what they need, and it does not end. That’s true for one or two or ten.

 

[abradaswity2675]

@jimbobby2021 Oh yes, that is the perfect description lol.

 

[jemmace]

@jimbobby2021 Thank you! This is so true. There’s this weird perception that having one is like being half a parent. Or like dipping your toe in. It’s full time irreversible parenting, no days off. You said it perfectly.

 

[shatteredparadigm]

@jemmace First one is jumping in head first - all subsequent is just like - I’m already in the water drowning might as well be drowning with more children.

 

[robinswilliam]

@badone I have a somewhat skewed perspective, one might say. It took me two years to conceive, including 1 1/2 years of infertility treatment culminating in IVF.

We spent way too much time early in TTC worried about "oh but what if you're pregnant" and avoided planning things, doing things, etc.

Plan the trips, have the fun.

Re: a road trip, I think we did an 8-hour drive a time or two. I was a weirdo who got nausea but never vomited, so I was generally fine. Had to stop to pee a lot though!

 

[teresapartridge]

@robinswilliam I was the same way. I let the possibility of being pregnant hold me back in every area of life. Wasted 2 years doing that.

And I knew someone who got pregnant the first try. It was ectopic and that was the beginning of her fertility/baby journey (which, 3 years on, still has not come to an end). I'm glad she has continued to travel and live life.

 

[faith76]

@badone Get your fertility checked. By a reproductive endocrinologist. Both you and your partner. Check your AMH and AFC. Have your partner get a semen analysis. If all comes back good, live your life. If not, then you'll be able to start treatment before it's too late.

Signed,
Someone who is OAD not by choice due to infertility. I wish someone had told me this at 30.