Had our first “you’re not here enough” comment. Drove my wife to tears, and enraged me. Our baby has been out for 9 weeks now, and unfortunately due to only receiving 12 weeks of FMLA, my wife had to return to work. She’s trying to save some for when baby officially comes home. I do not get any time off for parental leave. I work 7-6 every day, and she works 7-2 for now, but will soon be 7-7 again. She goes everyday from 3-530, and 8-10. I go from 6-8, and on weekends we both go 3 times for hours on end. She is our primary and only insurance, so leaving this job is not an option. If this “doctor” would love to cover her multimillion dollar stay, and our bills, we’d be more than happy to spend all day there. I just think it’s extremely rediculous and unprofessional to 1. Not even say it to our face.(was in an update note) and 2. To even say it to begin with. People have lives. It’s none of their business why we aren’t there.
Edit**
Thank you all for your kind comments. We’ve read every one of them. This group has got to be one of the kindest communities on Reddit, we’re so glad we found it!
@nyvic I’m so sorry yall had to go through that. A NICU nurse wanted to know why my husband didn’t show up more and I was like, he’s working? We have to pay rent. Sending support . I hope your baby gets to come home soon.
@katrina2017 I just don’t get why this is such a common occurrence. Don’t they have basic training of what NOT to say to people? My wife is a nurse, and half the questions on her exams were basically “how do you correctly say this to a patient?”
@nyvic That’s what I always thought? Nurses kept commenting to me how it looks like I didn’t even have a baby. please continue to validate my feelings of inadequacies as a mother.
@raiders47 I hate this comment, I get it a lot too. I know it seems like it’s a compliment but it’s really triggering when you went into early labor and had a preemie !
@katrina2017 I don’t understand how some of these professionals don’t understand we have jobs to get to in order to survive. Like how they’re at their job right now…while asking parents where they’ve been. Like I get they need to note it, but it’s just not something most people can compromise on and not for want. So the lecturing about it accomplishes nothing.
@nyvic I’d ask the question, what is she/yall supposed to do? Babies need to sleep in order to grow, so doctors can’t expect yall to be there 24/7… and also it’s hard to just completely put life on pause when baby’s in the NICU due to being born early, so of course yall are doing the best you can! Also, having a baby in the NICU is SO emotionally exhausting so it’s important to take time to yourself to process… you can’t really process in the NICU where there are people running around… I’d ask the doctor what the heck are they talking about and maybe file a complaint because that’s unacceptable
@neija We’re going to. Her nurse today (who we see often) didn’t even know about it, and is confused as we’re there more than a lot of the other parents.
@nyvic That’s so bizarre!! I’m glad yall are confronting the situation so hopefully the doctor/person that said it can be more understanding/sympathetic in the future. I hope everything turns out okay and I’m sorry you’re going through this!
@nyvic We were only in NICU for 2 weeks, but I was in hospital from saturday to thursday. My partner worked that first week, since baby and I had all the help we needed from the nurses, and we had visitors every day before dad came to visit to ward of boredome.
No one asked why my partner only came for a little bit in the evening. No one asked why my partner wasn't there from breakfast to nighttime that first weekend. No one asked us to be there more often that second week, or to come at different times.
You know what they asked? If we were okay. If we needed anything. If we understood everything we were being told. If we had everything we needed when they told us we could take baby home. Those are the only questions NICU parents need.
@jonbradford I agree, and up until now our stay has been great. All the nurses have been great. That’s why we were so thrown off today. Hopefully we can talk with the NP who said it
@nyvic I got this too with my last baby. She was only there a week but I could only come for 1 care time a day. I had 5 other kids at home. Two of them being 2 and 1. And it was an hour drive away. I’m so sorry
@dori777 Mine was in for 10 days I also couldn’t stay super long as I had a 2 year old at home that needed his mom. Our hospital was also an hour away. So I’d drop my 2 YO at daycare and drive to the hospital, arriving by 10. I’d stay until 3 or so and go pick my son up and be home by dinner. I went every single day just to hold and be present for two care cycles. I still got a comment about not being there enough and it still hurts two and a half years later.
@dori777 I couldn’t imagine that situation. I don’t even know how I’d manage that. This is our first and we’re overwhelmed as is you’re a super mom, and I’m sorry you had to go through this too. It’s not fun at all.
@nyvic This is so insensitive! I am so sorry. Both of you are great parents. Not to mention your wife gave birth to a whole human and now have to go back to work coz US does care about women’s or child’s health. Not o mention how much NICU is getting paid for the care they provide. The staff gets to take a break when parents are around and that’s why they want parents around longer.
@adam247 Like I said, if they’d like to pay for it and blanket us under their insurance, I’ll happily let her quit. I’m not even worried about the baby as she falls under Medicaid in our state at this point, but my wife had a less than stellar C-section, and has had some complications with that. I usually don’t get upset over words, but this was just gross IMO.
@nyvic I had a nurse tell my wife we needed to be there more than 3 hours a day if we wanted our son to come home. She didn't realize that in addition to the 2-3 hours she was there in the morning, we also came back from 9pm to midnight every day because she only worked day shift. It's a really terrible thing to say and it's unrealistic. Nobody else expects a family member to stay with their loved one 24/7 during a weeks/months long hospital day but somehow it's different with the NICU?
please continue to validate my feelings of inadequacies as a mother.
you’re a super mom, and I’m sorry you had to go through this too. It’s not fun at all.