Unsure About Second Baby due to Birth Trauma

[differentviews]

Hello!

Just as the title states I’m honestly trying to figure out if I am OAD or would like a second baby. My birth was a traumatic experience and quite honestly I don’t know if I want to risk doing it all again.

My first pregnancy started out great, no major symptoms (just regular things- nausea, food aversion, fatigue) and stayed normal until my third trimester. During which I developed Cholestasis. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s a condition in which my liver stopped being able to properly filter toxins so bile was ending up in my blood stream. Besides being the most physically uncomfortable I have ever been (a few weeks of uncomfortable itching with no relief especially at night), if liver enzymes are high enough it could result in stillborns. I brought up the itching with my OB and she scheduled an induction at 37 weeks.

Anyone who has had an induced labor can probably tell you that it’s a 0/10 experience. I was in labor for 30 hours and pushed for 3. Probably five-ish hours into labor, I developed preeclampsia and the doctors told me I was at seizure and stroke risk. I was put on magnesium which kicked my butt and made me feel like I was run over again and again for the next 20+ hours.

Preeclampsia was and still is a huge fear of mine. I watched my sister and her struggle with it which resulted in her first baby being born at 32 weeks and a two month stay in the NICU. Her second she had to be on medicine and bed rest the entirety of her pregnancy so they could monitor and control when he went into labor.

I fully realize my brief bout with preeclampsia is not on that level, but it’s terrifying that it could be next time. Both the preeclampsia and cholestasis have increased chances I will have it again since I had it with my son. I can’t help butbe afraid of what a second pregnancy could look like for me or the second baby. Or even especially if I develop cholestasis earlier, I will be in misery being touched by my current son and that seems incredibly unfair to him.

I’d just like some perspective from people who have experienced traumatic births first or second hand and why or why not you had a second baby. How did you weight out the risks?

 

[christ4dummies]

@differentviews Wife was induced with first at 37 weeks, brutal 2 day labor ending with a emergency csection, then recovery was worse. Developed many post csection problems. Kid is 4 now and doing well. Next labor was better medical staff no induction, let us go to 41 weeks, still needed a c section after 6 hours of labor though due to blood loss and a tear, c section went great, worst part was placing of the epidural which took 4 tries. Wife says she is so happy we had another and our baby is adorable and pretty much perfect. She was really traumatized from the first birth but feels even though the second birth was a challenge it was worth it because it helped her heal psychologically from the extremely traumatic first birth. Just sharing our experience, good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[differentviews]

@christ4dummies I don’t think I’ve ever looked at it from the point of view that the second one could heal me from the first. If I have a second I hope that’s the case. I’m glad everything worked out for you and your wife even better the second time around.

 

[stelar]

@differentviews I’m so sorry you experienced that. Totally understandable that the experience would make you really think through going through another pregnancy and delivery. I had a traumatic delivery with my son (he’s 4 now). I was pushing (everything went great up until that point) and he got stuck in a position that compressed the cord. I was rushed in for an emergency c-section under general anesthesia. He needed resuscitation after birth, but ended up being totally fine. I ended up hemorrhaging, needing multiple blood transfusions, and ended up with a pelvic abscess due to how quickly they had to cut into me. I ended up having to stay in the ICU stepdown unit after my son was discharged and I was re-admitted a couple weeks later due to my infection. Took a lot of time to heal physically and even longer to heal mentally and emotionally.

After years of therapy with an amazing therapist, I finally felt ready to try for another. My husband and I actually ended up having to do IVF and I just found out I am pregnant with baby #2. Obviously it is super early, but wanted to share that I considered being OAD for a while because I couldn’t fathom risking anything like that happening again. The things that have given me comfort in coming to our decision to have another is that I feel better prepared after my experience to advocate for myself and know a bit more about how things can go sideways during a delivery. I plan on working with my OB to have plans in place to minimize the potential for a similar situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide. For me, time and therapy were the biggest factors for healing.

 

[bwtbrandon]

@differentviews I had a traumatic birth experience. There is no reason to believe that another birth would be dangerous, but I still don't want to do it again.

 

[underdog_crusader]

@differentviews I have a 13 month old - I developed very late onset pre eclampsia that I was induced quickly into labor around week 40. It then developed to post partum eclmapsia and landed me in the hospital for a week..I was always ‘one and done’ before even getting pregnant but nothing solidified it like the trauma of my experience in labor+delivery and the subsequent postpartum anxiety/depression that followed.

13 months on and I’m thinking about scheduling my bilateral salp this or next year. 1 child is the right family size for us; I was always 90% sure I’d be OAD before pregnancy, and my experience just solidified it.

 

[differentviews]

@underdog_crusader My husband was/is more on the two children train than me) I’ve always been pretty sure I’d be okay with OAD) but I was willing to have two before all of that happened haha

No kidding- the PPA/PPD is a whole other reason I’m not quite sure I want to experience it all again. I hope you’ve healed and are on the other side of all of it

 

[amandabritobaez]

@differentviews No advice, just solidarity, I am in the same boat as you. I was in labour for 31 hours and near the end the umbilical cord got compressed and she wasn't getting oxygen. She had to be resuscitated after coming out and transferred to another hospital for treatment for HIE. She's 15mo and totally fine now, perfectly healthy, but I'm very scared of it happening again. Before this I was very sure I wanted two and now I'm leaning towards OAD.

 

[differentviews]

@amandabritobaez I’m so glad your baby is thriving! That sounds absolutely terrifying. The trauma 100% changes how you view getting pregnant moving forward. It’s a reality you didn’t even imagine existing until it does and then it’s all you think about. I am right there with you.

 

[andylili]

@differentviews I would visit the OBGYN that did your prenatal/birth/pp care or find someone new that you like and be proactive just in case you ever do decide to have another, than you’ll be in a good place and with a good plan of care. It won’t take away the fear of your birth trauma but maybe it’ll help you feel a little more in control and less stressed.

 

[differentviews]

@andylili Oh 100%. We’ve talked about a plan if I have another baby. I am nothing if not a planner haha

 

[kik899]

@differentviews I have not been through what you’ve experienced. Both my pregnancies are high risk but for different reasons. I can say as I sit here 21w with our second child that this pregnancy is far harder than my first and everything right now is textbook perfect. After what you’ve been through and your very real and serious medical concerns I would likely choose to be OAD. If finances allow surrogacy, adoption and fostering could be options if you and your partner feel the pull to welcome another child.

I’m so sorry for your experience and so glad you and your son made it through safely.

 

[lagc]

@differentviews Have you looked at the ig account thebirthtrauma_mama ?

I've found her resources helpful and her podcast is good too

You are not alone in this issue. It's something I'm dealing with myself too.

 

[differentviews]

@lagc I just followed her. It gave me some motivation to find cholestasis support groups too. Thank you for the idea

Yes, we are in this decision making process together! You got this

 

[katrina2017]

@differentviews Wow you had two very scary life threatening conditions for you and your baby. I think I would call it quits with the increased risk of one or both of those conditions happening again. But I am on the more risk adverse side of things and for me just having an uncomplicated but not fun pregnancy and birth is reason enough to stop.

 

[medanum6298]

@differentviews In 2020 I had a traumatic birth experience with my daughter (in short: 28 hours of labor, epidural did not work, boyfriend not allowed to be with me because of covid, ended up in emergency c section).
I gave birth to my son 4 days ago through a planned c section and everything went so fine i can say that this second birth healed me from the first.
This second birth i was so afraid of turned out to not only not be a problem, but even the solution to my trauma.
Good luck to you, you'll make the right decision.