Unfollowed OurSignedWorld

@70xseven My mother is in the early stages of dementia and lives in an independent living facility near me. My sister is a six hour plane ride away. I arrange all my mother’s care, visit multiple times a week and take care of all her financial and medical affairs. My having a sibling doesn’t make a difference. Having a supportive husband and only one small child to take care of does. I can’t imagine doing everything I do for my mother with more than one child in my house to take care of also. Dealing with her medical situation, as well as my father‘s before he passed has made me realize just how much planning I need to do before I get to their stage in life. Unfortunately, they were not prepared for aging. Financially, they were fine, but no arrangement of care other than their children. Which I will not do to my child.
 
@70xseven My mother is in the early stages of dementia and lives in an independent living facility near me. My sister is a six hour plane ride away. I arrange all my mother’s care, visit multiple times a week and take care of all her financial and medical affairs. My having a sibling doesn’t make a difference. Having a supportive husband and only one small child to take care of does. I can’t imagine doing everything I do for my mother with more than one child in my house to take care of also. Dealing with her medical situation, as well as my father‘s before he passed has made me realize just how much planning I need to do before I get to their stage in life. Unfortunately, they were not prepared for aging. Financially, they were fine, but no arrangement of care other than their children. Which I will not do to my child.
 
@writergirlrs I followed someone from here and after a few months she got pregnant and so I unfollowed her. Like, nothing personal, but that was the only reason I followed her in the first place. Gotta do what you gotta do. 🤷‍♀️
 
@writergirlrs Ah just saw their video announcing that! Omg one of the comments triggered me in particular. It was a woman saying she was an only child and how sad and horrible it is with her aging parents and that she would never do that to her kids, etc. Argh, it was definitely frustrating. Cause Courtney responded to the comments like that just like, “thanks for sharing your opinion”, kinda validating whatever people were saying. Having an only child doesn’t automatically condemn your child to a life of sadness and solitude. It’s not a trope that needs help perpetuating.
 
@tanananana Yep. My aunt was nowhere to be found when my grandmother was dying.

I hate to say it but her absence was better than what my co-worker is going through, which is every day arguing with her sister over their mom’s care. When you have one caregiver who is anti-vax and anti-western medicine while the other is pro-vax and pro-western medicine it is a clusterfuck.
 
@writergirlrs Another thing that doesn’t get talked about: giving your child a sibling doesn’t mean they won’t want another. A boy may want a brother and a girl may want a sister. Kids and adults just want what they don’t have. Yet even having the same gendered kids won’t guarantee they like each other.
 
@k3v1n55 It hits a point sometimes where kids don’t want a sibling, too. There’s this idea that it’s only little kids who resent babies taking the attention away, and kids will love having more kids around… but older kids can understand everything that comes with a baby and be unhappy about it for very rational reasons.

This comment brought to you by the afternoon I happened to be at my friend’s house the day she found out she was getting another younger sibling, bringing it to 5 kids total. My friend (14) and the next oldest (11) were just… somber. Very vivid memory for me.
 
@heismine Me I was ten when my mom found out she was pregnant with twins bringing us to a total of 5 siblings. All I could think was….you barely have enough time for the kids you have….

ETA: even the twins who are now adults told me they think my mom had too many kids to handle.
 
@writergirlrs I feel like no matter what, people are going to have vastly different experiences from one family to the next. Just because someone says they felt lonely as an only child doesn’t mean it’s the same situation for the next person. It’s such a ridiculous thing to compare one only child’s experience to the next.
 
@jenny404 And to that point, there's also a big difference between candidly sharing one's own experience vs trying to use that experience as an argument for someone should or shouldn't do.
 
@writergirlrs I hate being an only child and my husband loved/loves it. I am scared of having to deal with my parents' death alone if my husband is not in the picture, while my husband who lost both his parents and his step mom in the last 5 years has barely needed my help in dealing with the estates and doesn't give a flying fuck about it.

Honestly, it doesn't matter what you choose because I don't believe you have control over this situation. You need to be happy with your decision because that will make you the best mom that you can be for your child.

I am in this subreddit because I am conflicted because of the two vastly different experiences I had vs my husband. It just goes to show you that all the blanket statements the comment section is making have no basis in anything.
 
@writergirlrs I'm partly OAD because of how much my sisters and I fought growing up. My daughter will probably grow up wondering if her life would've been improved by having a sibling.

When life is our reality, we focus on all the downsides, and when we dream about a different reality, we focus on what we think all the plus sides would be. I think it's just the human condition.

I hope that I can help my daughter build the coping mechanism skills needed to deal with such thoughts. Besides giving her a good childhood, there's not much more I can do for her besides that.
 
@writergirlrs It’s so hard! And I have had to unfollow accounts like that too and it helps the mental health side of things. Having more kids doesn’t mean anyone will have support when parents get older. My husband and I plan to have all of that decided and written in detail (and paid for) and have none of that responsibility fall on our daughter. I worked in a hospital and have seen aging parents rip siblings apart, cause so much drama, or only 1 of their 5 kids even show up. Making a whole human for the sole purpose of playing with/supporting parents or another child does not make sense to me
 
@writergirlrs I saw their post too! Considering unfollowing to preserve my peace. I’ve followed their account for a while and I was not surprised by this video. I knew it was coming. Wish the comment section didn’t suck so hard.
 
@writergirlrs I cannot handle a second child. Mentally. At all. Love him but I cannot. Luckily he does not seem interested in a sibling so far. I would also rather my child forget I exist and move on rather than feel like I'm a burden to care for.
 
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