issylostneedtobefound
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UPDATE: I know this didn’t gain a lot of traction, but I still wanted to update because......... WE MADE A DECISION!!!!!! We decided to go with Option C. In the end, I realized that staying home with future babies is too important to me to willingly give up, and we realized that option c is the most likely to offer me and DH the things that would be most fulfilling for us. I’ll be sad to be far away from my family again, but I know it’s for the best, and we’ll be the best parents to our kids if we do what’s best for us.
With this, our TTC timeline has moved up! Instead of 4 years from now, we’ll start not long after my tonsillectomy in January. I can’t believe this is finally happening!!!!!!!
This got really long, and is probably rambly. I don’t have anyone I can talk with about this since it’s such a loaded subject, but I’m having trouble working it out. DH and I are starting to seriously discuss where we want to settle down and have a family, and there are so many options, but I don’t know how to feel about any of them.
TL;DR option a = super expensive, but great city. Option b = super close to family, but a bit of a career desert for DH and I’d have to work. Option c = financially stable on one income and moving up baby timeline, but no super close relationships with extended family. What do?
DH and I just moved to a large city this spring, in order to just take advantage of our time before we start having kids. Previously, we lived in Rural Town about 700 miles away from my family, and I’m really enjoying being two hours away from them now. I really struggled finding my way in Rural Town, and dealt with some depression and feeling “other” and like I would never belong.
Our original plan was to live in City for give or take five years and then start trying. DH would be close to being licensed in his profession (yay pay bump!) and we’d pretty established, and ready to settle down and start having kids. That would put us right about 30, which I think is a good time, especially since we’d have taken the time to travel and do lots of spur of the moment things.
However, lately we’ve realized that we just won’t be able to afford to live in City with kids without both of us working and living on a tight budget in a small house. I desperately want to be a stay at home mom, homeschool, and be able to have some financial freedom, so we’ve been looking at options. I’m also feeling really ready to have a baby, and this feels different than my normal baby fever. I just want one, and I don’t know if I can wait 4.5 more years to even start trying. I’ve become so confused and muddled with our options, I’d like any advice you have to share.
Option A: move to a neighborhood farther away from City, but still be able to access City through public transportation.
Pros: I love City and everything it has to offer, especially with the educational and day trip opportunities so close by. Also, only two hours from my parents and a great spot for family and friends to visit.
Cons: Most expensive. We’d have to live in a small house, we’d both have to work, and it would most likely be difficult or impossible to afford nice vacations/experiences more than once every 4 or 5 years, if we scrimped and saved. I grew up going to Disney every three years and going to the mountains with my moms side of the family every two years, and I deeply cherish those memories, plus other smaller family vacations in between. Giving our future children that just doesn’t seem possible with this option.
Option B: We move to Large Town about 20 minutes away from my family.
Pros: my parents would get to be as involved as we all want, which would be amazing. We’re estranged from my in-laws, and I desperately want my kids to be close with their extended family. We would be able to afford nice vacations more frequently than Option A, BUT...
Cons: I would have to work. And it’s not a great area for DHs profession.
Option C: we move back to Rural Town.
Pros: our very best friends are there and they just had their first child in March (who is named after me and is, for all intents and purposes, our niece). We could comfortably afford everything we want, whether or not I work, and also afford nice vacations (like Disney) every two or three years. If I worked, my income could go towards paying down debt faster, or other extras, but I wouldn’t have to, or I could work part time. I would also have free time to volunteer if I wanted. Also, my husband has a job there whenever he wants it with a firm and coworkers he misses very much. He would love his work, and be able to get involved with building up the town and local politics.
Cons: my best friend, her baby and husband, and maybe husbands family, would be the only family nearby. I know we could still be close with mine, but it doesn’t feel the same. Also, I’m worried about how hard it was the first time. I know I’ll be better equipped to face my problems, and I know I’ll be better able to recognize depression before it gets too bad, but I’m still worried. We’re also a little worried about difficulties with DHs estranged parents once they find out we’ve moved back.
Basically, option c looks the best on paper, but it’s the one I’m most emotionally reticent about. Option b is the one I’m most excited for, but I know it would mean some sacrifices on mine and DHs parts that we’re not 100% sure we want to make. It would work, but would it be worth it? Option a doesn’t really make sense except I have this vision of raising kids near City and being able to take them to see so many things relevant to what they’re learning in school at the time.
With this, our TTC timeline has moved up! Instead of 4 years from now, we’ll start not long after my tonsillectomy in January. I can’t believe this is finally happening!!!!!!!
This got really long, and is probably rambly. I don’t have anyone I can talk with about this since it’s such a loaded subject, but I’m having trouble working it out. DH and I are starting to seriously discuss where we want to settle down and have a family, and there are so many options, but I don’t know how to feel about any of them.
TL;DR option a = super expensive, but great city. Option b = super close to family, but a bit of a career desert for DH and I’d have to work. Option c = financially stable on one income and moving up baby timeline, but no super close relationships with extended family. What do?
DH and I just moved to a large city this spring, in order to just take advantage of our time before we start having kids. Previously, we lived in Rural Town about 700 miles away from my family, and I’m really enjoying being two hours away from them now. I really struggled finding my way in Rural Town, and dealt with some depression and feeling “other” and like I would never belong.
Our original plan was to live in City for give or take five years and then start trying. DH would be close to being licensed in his profession (yay pay bump!) and we’d pretty established, and ready to settle down and start having kids. That would put us right about 30, which I think is a good time, especially since we’d have taken the time to travel and do lots of spur of the moment things.
However, lately we’ve realized that we just won’t be able to afford to live in City with kids without both of us working and living on a tight budget in a small house. I desperately want to be a stay at home mom, homeschool, and be able to have some financial freedom, so we’ve been looking at options. I’m also feeling really ready to have a baby, and this feels different than my normal baby fever. I just want one, and I don’t know if I can wait 4.5 more years to even start trying. I’ve become so confused and muddled with our options, I’d like any advice you have to share.
Option A: move to a neighborhood farther away from City, but still be able to access City through public transportation.
Pros: I love City and everything it has to offer, especially with the educational and day trip opportunities so close by. Also, only two hours from my parents and a great spot for family and friends to visit.
Cons: Most expensive. We’d have to live in a small house, we’d both have to work, and it would most likely be difficult or impossible to afford nice vacations/experiences more than once every 4 or 5 years, if we scrimped and saved. I grew up going to Disney every three years and going to the mountains with my moms side of the family every two years, and I deeply cherish those memories, plus other smaller family vacations in between. Giving our future children that just doesn’t seem possible with this option.
Option B: We move to Large Town about 20 minutes away from my family.
Pros: my parents would get to be as involved as we all want, which would be amazing. We’re estranged from my in-laws, and I desperately want my kids to be close with their extended family. We would be able to afford nice vacations more frequently than Option A, BUT...
Cons: I would have to work. And it’s not a great area for DHs profession.
Option C: we move back to Rural Town.
Pros: our very best friends are there and they just had their first child in March (who is named after me and is, for all intents and purposes, our niece). We could comfortably afford everything we want, whether or not I work, and also afford nice vacations (like Disney) every two or three years. If I worked, my income could go towards paying down debt faster, or other extras, but I wouldn’t have to, or I could work part time. I would also have free time to volunteer if I wanted. Also, my husband has a job there whenever he wants it with a firm and coworkers he misses very much. He would love his work, and be able to get involved with building up the town and local politics.
Cons: my best friend, her baby and husband, and maybe husbands family, would be the only family nearby. I know we could still be close with mine, but it doesn’t feel the same. Also, I’m worried about how hard it was the first time. I know I’ll be better equipped to face my problems, and I know I’ll be better able to recognize depression before it gets too bad, but I’m still worried. We’re also a little worried about difficulties with DHs estranged parents once they find out we’ve moved back.
Basically, option c looks the best on paper, but it’s the one I’m most emotionally reticent about. Option b is the one I’m most excited for, but I know it would mean some sacrifices on mine and DHs parts that we’re not 100% sure we want to make. It would work, but would it be worth it? Option a doesn’t really make sense except I have this vision of raising kids near City and being able to take them to see so many things relevant to what they’re learning in school at the time.