Trying not to feel guilty sending my 4yo to school

[bonitadan]

I’ve been sahd for 5 years. Oldest is in 1st grade, my middle guy just turned 4 and is in pre-K 4 days a week…and there’s 18 month old twin boys. Love them all to death, but I’m kind of happy/sad to be sending my little guy to school. He likes it a lot and has adjusted really well. I took the babies to the beach today and it was so chill (a lot of work still, but as chill as it gets).

 

[jonowebb]

@bonitadan I thought this was going to be a post about having one child and sending them (which still wouldn’t be anything to feel guilty about). My dude, you’ve got four kids and you’ve been doing this five years. Your four year old NEEDS the social aspects and structure of pre-k before he goes off to kindergarten next year, please do not feel guilty at all.

 

[bonitadan]

@jonowebb He gets tons of socialization without school so I’m not really worried about that. The guilt is me spending a shit ton of money for school and he doesn’t reallllly need it.

 

[kate98]

@bonitadan I mean, preschool is important if you want your child to do well in kindergarten and even beyond! There are studies that show that kids who attend pre k are more likely to graduate high school than kids who don't! More likely to score better on the SATs as well. It's not like he is a toddler and you're sending him to daycare. You are providing a very important educational leg up for your child!

 

[katrina2017]

@bonitadan He does need it. There are social skills and classroom skills and etiquette that are vital for kindergarten and above. The kids who have no prior classroom experience come into Kindergarten and stick out like a sore thumb and are often behind the other kids and really struggle to be comfortable. They struggle to fit in and are plain miserable because they're not used to the lack of one-on-one attention. A good friend of mine is a kindergarten teacher and preached for years to me about sending my daughter to preschool because of how important it is. It's a good stepping stone to go from constant one-on-one attention to being able to complete tasks and behave independently, instead of being thrown to the wolves like Kindergarten would do.

Pre-K is free in many other countries and required in some for this reason. It's vital to your son's growth and development.

 

[gpk]

@bonitadan Solidarity. I’m sending my almost 4 yo to school too (it’s hard and I miss her!) The main thing I am looking forward to is her having to take direction from someone else BESIDES ME. She needs to learn to behave in a social setting and follow rules. She gets plenty of social interaction at parks/ play dates but it’s not the same.

 

[kjersti]

@bonitadan OMG I also thought this was going to be a one kid and preschool thing and I mean, I did it, I didn't have my second till my first was 5. You totally shouldn't feel bad about it. My son learned so much at preschool! Not academics necessarily but like... how to zip his own coat which he would never listen to me about, but when a teacher shows him, BAM. I could never homeschool, my kid loves me but doesn't learn well from me!

 

[programofficial]

@kjersti Omg thank you for this! I thought I was failing at teaching my kids important life skills . I know I’m not meant to be a pre-K teacher but, damn! It bothers me that I struggle to teach my kids basic things like putting on shoes and stuff… but pre-K teacher tells them and they are dressing themselves. I’m glad it’s not just me

 

[spacehistory]

@bonitadan I've transitioned to SAHP in the last year and both my kids are back in school. I see this as my time to gear up for the time we will all be together and get some peace for myself. I don't have to try to do all the things with them in tow. We are an ADHD household. It's an investment in our sanity and quality of life.

Also, what a gift to your twins to get some alone time with you! Hope you can let the guilt go.

Edit: they are in private school, so I get the saving money piece. My youngest is 3.

 

[frozenhockeypuck]

@bonitadan I feel guilty sending my son as well and I don’t have any kids to take care of during the day. I think what helped me feel less guilty is when I thought about all the moms that work when they don’t have to. I have friends that do this because they would rather work even though they don’t need the extra money. So I feel like I’m in the same boat where I’m choose to sending my son to school even though we don’t have to and thankfully we can afford it.

Plus there are benefits like I had to send him when he was younger to get him into one of the few good schools in our area. And it’s helped my mental health tremendously. I was neglecting myself and my marriage because as you know, taking care of kids is all-consuming. Now I have time to take care of the house, myself and spend more time time with my husband because he works from home. Those are all good things for my son too.

I still feel guilty but less so when I sit back and think of all those points.