Traumatic Birth Expirience Made me Decide to Be OAD

[kwildson]

Has anyone else made the decision to be OAD simply because you dont want to put your body through so much pain again?

After spending a long ass time in induced labor that was not working, they upped my pitocin to where i was experiencing strong contractions that were seconds away from eachother; This lasted for hours. They refused me an epidural saying it was "too soon" even though my labor was not progressing. They finally stopped it when I couldn't breath anymore and had to be put on oxygen. When they finally gave me the epidural it was done incorrectly and i could still feel the pain on my left side completely. It was a little better than all of it i guess. Long story short my baby went into fetal distress and I had to have an emergency c section after they struggled to find her heartbeat. She was born very healthy and at 9 pounds; 1 week late.

This was 4 years ago, and about a year later me and my fiance were talking about when we would want another child. Then I thought about it, and I realized I don't want to put my body through that again. We both love our little girl, and she doesn't mind being an only child so far. My fiancé completey agrees with my decision as he was there throughout our daughters birth and knows how hard it was for me. Soon after we came to that conclusion, inflation hit hard and things went up in price fast, and now we kinda joke about how hard it'd be if we did decide to have another kid (we would've made it work, as parents do) and continue to be happy with our decision.

 

[dammy2k2]

@kwildson i pushed for 4 1/2 hours during my induction, during said induction my husband said how we do not have to have another & he doesn’t want me to go through that again

 

[illuminatorofevil]

@kwildson Whilst my birth wasn’t as traumatic as yours, I still have nightmares about it, it’s one of the main reasons we’re one and done, once my son was born and I’d been stitched up my fiancé said he could never watch me go through it again and is still traumatised by it himself.

I was asked if I had a natural birth (meaning vaginal) and I responded that there is nothing natural about giving birth, it is absolutely barbaric that we go through that and we don’t tell anyone else.

I tell anyone who wants to hear (unless they’re pregnant, they don’t need my birth story in their head when they go into labour)

 

[sogon]

@kwildson I did, terrible birth I won’t describe but I found out when my baby was 6 years old that I had a hole in my uterus from my csection not healing completely and if I were to get pregnant it would have ruptured and I likely would have bled to death at 12 weeks. So my birth trauma was actually keeping me alive.

 

[ashleybrook]

@sogon Wow that's absolutely insane to learn 6 years later. Thank goodness you didn't get pregnant again without knowing.

 

[fundone2000ld]

@sogon How did they discover the tear? I had a uterine rupture during my birth and wonder about there still being a tear or another one forming.

 

[sogon]

@fundone2000ld I was having adominal pain so I had an ultrasound which showed a mass on my ovary and they also noted the hole. I had the ovary and my tubes removed.

 

[calebm]

@kwildson I am so sorry you went through that. I also am OAD because I don't want to put my body through it all again. I find that it helps me to hear about other people's (difficult) birth experiences so I realize I am not alone. I get triggered when I hear people who had super positive and easy births/postpartum because I'm still processing it and can't understand why this happened to me.

So, I'll share my story.
I loved being pregnant. I had a healthy pregnancy but ended up getting induced because of slightly high blood pressure. My labor was fine... everything was going really well until it was time to push. I pushed for 2.5 hours and was hemorrhaging. I tore so severely that I had to be taken from the delivery room to be repaired. My husband was alone with our daughter and didn't know if I was ok. I spent a week in the hospital and then had a terrible first year. My daughter is beautiful and healthy and sweet... but my postpartum mental and physical health were very bad. I can't imagine doing that all over again.

 

[iceqube]

@calebm i’m so sorry! felt the need to respond because i have a very similar story! hope you are doing bettee now!

 

[neo_ocelot]

@kwildson Im sorry you went through that. Mine was super traumatic as well and he almost passed away so many times i just stopped counting. For me my birth was the reason i was unsure to be one and done! I wanted a redo lol a “perfect birth” but after thinking and talking to family i realized that is not a reason to have another baby

 

[mudpuddle]

@kwildson Difficult pregnancy and traumatic labor and even MORE traumatic fourth trimester. We are one and done. The idea of getting pregnant again terrifies me. Husband is getting the snip next month at 5 months PP.

 

[milos]

@kwildson Yes. I've always wanted a big family but after the birth experience and the lack of support in general, I just feel it's unfair on me/my body and any future babies. Bit sad and I'm only 3 months PP but this is where I stand right now.

 

[artsycat]

@kwildson We were pretty certain before labor and delivery that we’d be OAD, but bringing her here sealed the deal.

3 failed epidurals, 24 hours cervadil induction with no change, sent me HOME after first failed induction, brought me back, 40 more hours of cervadil/pitocin failed induction # 2, finally ending in cesarean. Then I was readmitted 5 days postpartum for bilateral pleural effusion (fluid in long cavities) that they told me was heart failure and/or pulmonary embolism. It was July 2022 so I had to readmit ALONE without my girl.

It was one of the most traumatic things I’ve ever been through. I came out fine. But I will never forgive the incompetence and oversights that led me down that path to being along thinking I was dying without my newborn there.

EMDR for my birth trauma changed my life. I can’t recommend it enough of you experience still causes you distress.

 

[ashleybrook]

@artsycat I was also in the ER thinking I was dying from what they told me was heart failure 3 or 4 days pp. I didn't have my baby with me but did have my husband. Still that was so scary. Luckily no heart failure. Just severe high blood pressure and swelling that the only 2 ER guys working (2021) didn't understand.

 

[evilbeans]

@kwildson I'm very sorry your birth experience didn't go as planned.

You don't need to justify your decision to be OAD to anybody, but a traumatic birth experience is a completely valid reason. Children need happy, healthy, present parents more than they need siblings.

 

[olivemcr]

@kwildson Fuck. This sounds so rough, pitocin I’m the first place makes labor SO much harder on the mother.

At the end of the day, it’s your body and your life. Potentially grieving a second child you never had hurts fewer people than grieving and regretting a second child you end up having.

 

[megannovybaker]

@kwildson The birth itself was pretty fine for me despite ending in an emergency C-section. The aftermath was traumatic af for me. I had inflammation that wouldn't go away which had me hospitalized again, with my baby stil like only a week or two old with me. I was emotionally a full wreck and physically recovering was difficult. Also tons and tons of breastfeeding issues which is still a sore topic for me this very day.

Sometimes when I'm vulnerable and not thinking sanely I mull over a do-over. But a do-over is NOT a reason to bring another child to this world.

 

[jim35215]

@kwildson Absolutely. I was induced at 37 weeks due to preeclampsia. It was easily the most horrific, painful, tiring experience of my life. I am so thankful my daughter and myself are healthy but I have zero desire to ever potentially go through that again.

 

[kwildson]

I feel like all of these stories just go to show how much hospital/healthcare workers and individuals expect us to go through all of this like it's nothing. The lack of empathy is so concerning as they're used to seeing many women in labor every day. Not to mention (for the US at least) the DEBT that we can go in cause insurance doesn't even cover a lot of complications. Also, with the opiate epidemic, some people barely get the right pain medicine to help with recovery. I just feel like there's a lot wrong with how society looks at childbirth and how even other mothers act like it's something we all HAVE to do and are "built for"
Like girl, if this was the 1800s I woulda died, I ain't made for this

 

[akadouble]

@kwildson This! It kills me how people act like you should “just have another” as if it’s as simple as ordering one off Amazon.