@glowfood Ours are about the same age gap, our baby is four months old now.
When I first got pregnant I read the first half of the section about introducing a new baby in the book Calm Parents Happy Siblings by Laura Markham. I didn’t get around to reading all of it unfortunately, but I got a few good tips from it.
I talked to our older child a lot. I explained that babies can’t talk and they cry instead of talking and she did the same thing until she learnt to talk. I said it often and in lots of different ways. Not in a big serious talk, just mentioned it in passing a lot. Also that small babies are quiet boring and sleep a lot, but the baby will get more fun as it gets older.
We prepared the baby’s things together. I let her touch and play with the baby’s things pretty much as much as she wanted, but reminded her that they aren’t her toys and to take care of them because she’s borrowing them.
I always referred to the baby as “our baby” not my baby or the baby, and if she referred to the baby as “your baby” I’d correct her and remind her that it’s her baby too.
We talked quite a lot about how babies are made, I didn’t go into graphic detail, but explained about sperm and eggs and conception and downloaded an app that showed an illustration of what the baby looked like throughout the pregnancy and compared its size to fruit and we looked at that to get her quite regularly.
I talked a lot about what labour might look like and what she could do to help, and it might look like I’m in pain and I might make noises (and demonstrated) and that that’s heathy and I’m ok.
When baby arrived we encountered her to kiss her on the head, babies release a pheromone from their head that helps us to bond with them.
We had a gift prepared from the baby to our older child. And also nappies, clothing and swaddles for her baby doll. We also took her to choose a gift to give to the baby (and entirely un prompted she chose a couple of her own toys she decided she was finished with and she wanted to give to baby)
When they first met I made sure to not have baby in my arms.
We have a stool by the change table so she can be involved.
If she displayed baby-like behaviour I would embrace it. When we first came home she asked to breastfeed, I wasn’t comfortable with that, but offered her a bottle instead, then she curled up in my lap and asked me to feed it to her, so I did and did it very lovingly, she asked for this twice and then has never done it again. And had no issues with me feeding the baby.
I had a box prepared with interesting activities which was intended to be the box she could play with when I was feeding, but she has never needed it. My sister found this helpful for hers though, and would rotate the contents so it was always novel.
I try to say as often as I can, to the baby, I front of my older child (once baby’s needs are met) “I’m sorry baby, your sister needs me right now, you will have to wait just a little while” and similar things along those lines.
Bedtime has become a little more challenging, she is needing more assistance to fall asleep, but I’ve just been giving it to her.
Another thing I find very helpful, is using “preventative maintenance” I make sure to give my older child my full and undivided attention
before she has a meltdown. I think of it as making sure her cup is always full. She goes to kindergarten two days a week and I find after that I need to put extra energy into reconnecting with her.
Overall she has taken it all in her stride and I hope to foster a sense of togetherness within the family. We are a team and we can all be happier and stronger if we work together.
Apologies if this is a bit stream of consciousness, it’s the middle of the night and I’m up with said baby haha.