Thank you r/predaddit! You've brightened my perspective!

[kbp78]

I just wanted to thank the entire predaddit community. I've always wanted kids but became more and more unsure of that the closer I got to that part of my life. When my wife and I started trying for a family I still wanted to be a dad despite all the jokes guys make about hoW expensive kids are, or how little free time they have. The comments and war stories about fatherhood got worse once I got married and much worse when I joked about all the fun I was having "trying". I played along and kept my concerns/fears about parenting to myself, but on the inside I was freaking out. I take the idea of fathering a child seriously and have struggled with the way other fathers talk about how difficult it is.

That's why I'm writing to thank r/predaddit. I'm not sure if you hear this message enough, but your positive perspective and pride in the journey to fatherhood is something that isn't represented well in "locker room talk". We're at 8 weeks and I'm more excited than ever for what lies ahead and part of that optimism is due to all of you. I'm sure you've helped countless others who have been fearful of all the responsibilities that are on their horizon. Keep up the awesome!

Edit: spelling

 

[abner2011]

@kbp78 I am so sick of other father's saying how your "life is gonna change" or "you won't be able to travel anymore" type comments......don't pawn your disappointment or misery onto me.

I am at the point that I want to respond "I'm sorry you don't like your kids /regret having them"

I WANT KIDS! I am so excited to be a dad that I actively welcome the changes coming my way.

And I will still travel. It just takes adaptation.

 

[kbp78]

@abner2011 Exactly! It is such a common direction for all the conversations about the future with other guys. I know they don't typically feel as bleak about the future as their words would suggest. Its just a habit of people to emphasize how difficult the things they've already done have been. In college we all talk about college like that to high school kids and in the workplace we talk about how difficult work is to college kids. It's something humans will always do. I'm just happy to see a place like r/predaddit where that isn't a theme.

edit: examples added

 

[davidhillfive1]

@abner2011 oh my fucking god thank you. I didnt particularly want kids. I didnt specifically NOT want them, but having kids is not something that was on my bucket list. It was my wife's life goal to have kids, and since for the time being i was pretty much done with all my hobby related purchases, I figured its high time we start working on getting her goals out of the way.

That being said, people seemingly cant comprehend that i am a human being with my own wants and needs and goals that i want to accomplish in life. they keep saying/insisting that i need to sacrifice everything for the kids. Fuck that. Thats how you grow up resenting your children.

ive always wanted a motorcycle, I used to have one but had to settle for a fast car after i crashed the bike. No big deal, after the fast car i didnt want the bike anymore. Now that fast car is dead. I HATED owning the car. I'm 100% fine driving the shittiest car i can find (provided it is safe and accelerates enough to pass slow traffic if necessary) but I will absolutely end up getting a motorcycle again one day.

Thats not to say im going to dip into the kids funds to do it. nor will i make that purchase if financially it doesnt make sense. But im not about to cut myself off from my very few hobbies just because i have a child.

Prioritize and adapt, but dont just give up and blame it on the kid.

on an unrelated note, why the fuck are diapers so pricey? Mom just bought me 3 packs of 30 for 30 bucks, and apparently that was a screamin deal (buy 2 get 1). thats apparently only barely enough for a couple weeks....

Costco diapers are a fucking life saver, i think.

 

[abner2011]

@davidhillfive1 We are cloth diapering. More wash but less landfill. Initial upfront investment pays for itself quickly.

 

[davidhillfive1]

@abner2011 Washing machines dont completely remove all crud from clothes. During spin cycle, most of it gets flung onto the outer drum of the washer and stays there forever. I'm not about to put a poop covered diaper into anything except a dedicated washing machine specifically for poop/pee/mud. Especially since we literally just bought this washing machine brand new.

on old washers it was not a huge deal to get in there and clean the outer drum, but on newer machines it requires a pretty lengthy disassembly/reassembly.

 

[abner2011]

@davidhillfive1 Best practice is to "scrape" off what you can into the toilet. Pee is just a liquid and will be cleaned off like any stain it spill.

Occasionally running the washing machine empty with bleach can help keep it clean.

My wife has cared for young children before and has a few tricks. She hasn't run into the washer getting disgusting during her work.

 

[davidhillfive1]

@abner2011 theres also the specific tub cleaners that can get rid of a lot of gunk, but the real trick is to make sure you use those on a regular basis.

still, poo water is poo water no matter how much bacteria you manage to kill off with detergent.

we;re using cloth diapers as burping cloths though. apparently since they are so ridiculously absorbent they do a way better job for spit up than towels and whatnot. like a shamwow for baby excretions.

 

[abner2011]

@davidhillfive1 Us too! So absorbent lol.

 

[73137_hawk]

@abner2011 Thanks - we've been thinking about this. The two drivers being cost and the environment. Unfortunately, we don't know a single person who has done it. Thanks for posting some tips/info on it.

 

[abner2011]

@73137_hawk We are happy to share tips and cost info too. My wife ordered them all so I'm not certain on the initial up front cost.

We are also using cloth wipes.

I also recommend finding the right coupons to get honest wipes. Only ones I could find that are mostly biodegradable to a published standard. We got them much cheaper by combining coupons with target deals of $30 gift card for 100 spent on baby stuff. They worked out to the same price as other wipes but I will feel better that it won't clog a landfill.

Side note, we aren't hippies lol

 

[73137_hawk]

@abner2011 Haha we aren't either! But I am careful about what I put on my lawn since it all goes into the bay.

I remember reading something about a particular type of cloth diaper that was more expensive, but worth getting one or two of for making it easier at night. Gotta get back into my research.

 

[jerry3166]

@kbp78 I won't pretend everything is amazing so far, I'm still pretty early on, but the moments that are rewarding really are awesome. A couple nights ago my baby wouldn't sleep and was screaming for quite a while, but when she finally settled down and snuggled into my chest it was such an amazing feeling. It makes the hours of screaming and fountains of excrement feel worth it. And each day has gotten a little better in its own way. And on another note the pregnancy and first few weeks with my daughter have brought my wife and I closer together. It gave me a new level of appreciation for her. Good luck man, I definitely heard plenty of people shitting on being a dad. I also had tons of people tell me what a mistake getting married was and they couldn't have been more wrong there.