Teenager using Pot regularly - how do I get him to stop?

[simplewoodencross]

Over the last several months my son has developed anxiety and depression, began falling severely behind in his classes, lost interest in classes that he was previously very passionate about and twice expressed suicidal thoughts, the second time he tried to jump from an upper floor window and he ended up being hospitalized for 5 days - that did almost nothing to help him.

We've felt like we thought he was using substances for quite a while, but were never able to confirm it. Last night he asked if he could start attending an alternative school (online classes for half a day that are just delivered on a computer with some sort of room monitor watching over) instead of continuing to attend his high school.

He participates in and enjoys marching and jazz band and sports such as soccer, bowling, and track. He isn't terribly athletic so he doesn't start often, but he enjoys participating.

As part of his trying to sell us (his parents) on the alternative school, he confessed that he is using Pot to treat anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. He states that he can't focus at school, that everyone else can sit and focus and work and he just can't get focused then the bell rings and he has to move to another class and it takes him forever to refocus again. When he can get focused on work, he says he works very slowly.

I think that his pot use has CAUSED a lot of these symptoms. I further think that his continued use of pot numbs his perception of his problems but does not make it easier for him to focus, prioritize and act in a way that allows him to start, work on, and finish tasks.

My first instinct is to just lock him down on everything and never let him out of my sight. I come from a long line of people who make pot their entire personality and who have been homeless, awol from the military, and done multiple prison sentences over their love of fucking drugs. I don't use drugs, I don't approve of drugs and we live in one of the last states with ZERO LEGAL MARIJUANA USE.

I don't want him in jail and I don't want to see this child who was in advanced science classes and talking about going into medicine as a PA or Sports Medicine doctor turn into a burnout who did the bare minimum amount of school legally allowed to be called a high school and then doing jack all except maybe working fast food.

If I ask for help from the school, they'll kick him out of all of his activities which right now are the only things he's interested in. I don't know how to effectively, healthily get him to quit the pot, leave it alone forever and invest in real mental health care. My instincts right now and telling me to do things that I know will work against my goals for him in the long term.

I need some help getting him off of this. I do not need a bunch of "oh man, pot is medicine, its so cool, you're evil for not wanting everyone to just marinate their brains in it all day."

Thanks.

K, so lots of comments are being nuked before I can read them. I don't know how he is paying for it since he doesn't have a job. I cash app him $10 when he has an event that he will need to buy a meal for, so maybe he's using that.

The alternative school is half day and meets the bare minimum of what can be called a school in our state. Classes are delivered via computer program. There are no advanced classes if kids have an interest, there is no teacher providing instruction. After their half-day session the kids are free to just do whatever. Not high quality, not high engagement, not individualized, this is a warehouse to hold troubled kids and then graduate them so the district's stats look good.

I suppose you could DM me and let me know how vile my desire for my child not to do drugs is.

2 points6 comments

 

[joshuaaa]

@simplewoodencross Your son is suicidal and your only concern is he is using pot?

He needs therapy immediately.

Pot may make people make poor decisions, but it generally doesn't make people suicidal.

His problems go much deeper than you are acknowledging.

He needs serious help, not band aids.

 

[simplewoodencross]

@joshuaaa He is in therapy and receiving medication under medical supervision. I am not "only" concerned he is using pot. I am concerned that his use is making it worse and will limit his options as far as education -> career, either by him attending an inferior schooling option or by his getting into legal trouble, kicked out of all of his activities and in a worse place than before.

 

[bernard05]

@simplewoodencross Ok, this answers my other question. Has he discussed this with his therapist, and have you? I know they can't tell you what they talk about, but you can request to sit in and discuss this with the therapist and psych - not just the pot, but you can specfically ask to address how he's feeling at and about school.

 

[joshuaaa]

@simplewoodencross I'd rather my kid go to a lesser school than be suicidal.

The pressure to do well in school is overwhelming for many people .

And seriously, other than college applications, no one is ever going to care what he did in high school. No employer will ever ask. No bank will ever ask. His future wife will not ask. No one will ever care how he did in high school.

If he doesn't get into a top college right away, he can go to a lesser college and transfer later. And whatever, studies show less than 30% of people end up in a career related to their degree.

His life will not be ruined or damaged by a lesser high school.

However, he may actually live long enough to graduate if you reduced the pressure on him to perform for you.

 

[feargodnotthem]

@simplewoodencross Right now, a career for a teen boy is not the issue. You want to get him to adulthood alive.

 

[postimpatica]

@simplewoodencross Methinks the cannabis use is self-medicating his other problems, making his life bearable. Work on his other problems.

Don't worry about his school options or sports. Those are ultimately not very important. Work on his real problems so that 1) he lives, and 2) wants to go to school.

 

[katrina2017]

@simplewoodencross I started smoking at 15, granted I always had good grades and my cannabis/drug use didn't impact that, I got a nearly full-ride academic scholarship to a well-known engineering-focused university and graduated with honors (I did get myself pregnant by a not-so-great person midway through which wasn't the smartest move). I have been working since graduation as an engineer for the past nearly 13 years in what I would consider a pretty successful career thus far. I am also almost done with my masters in an engineering field of study. I still smoke cannabis nearly daily. Am I self-medicating? absolutely lol. But I say all this to say, cannabis use in and of itself does not equate to a failure in education, career, etc. My parents are also both daily cannabis users, their whole adult life, and had successful educational and career experiences. Are they self-meditating too? Absolutely.

 

[docshay]

@simplewoodencross Has he been checked for ADHD?

 

[everydaybread]

@simplewoodencross I also live in a state where there is no recreational or medicinal marijuana use, but there are forms of hemp derived THC that are completely legal in most states, if you're open to it, I'd research a couple CBD stores in your area and see if they carry a product like Delta 8, HHC, or even hemp-derived Delta 9.

Now here's the caveat.

One, I work in the very industry I'm describing, and plenty of our customers purchase these products to help treat anxiety and depression. We consider our products to be supplements, thus you should be doing something else AND taking CBD or THC products. What that "something else" is, I don't know. For me it's something like exercise or artwork. For others it might be counseling. Who knows. All I'm saying is, I wouldn't be so quick to blame the marijuana use for causing the problems, as many people, especially kids today, are exposed to a different world where the medicinal benefits of marijuana are discussed in a more positive way. If your son is utilizing weed for depression and anxiety, it wouldn't hurt to hit up a CBD store and get educated about your legal options.

Now personally, I find that THC increases my anxiety, so I treat my anxiety with a broad spectrum CBD. Not full spectrum because that contains some THC, so:

• Broad Spectrum CBD or a CBD Isolate, or
• Same as above, except CBG

I'm not against THC, but I also have a lot of customers who say it helps with anxiety, depression, so I'm happy to provide them with a natural, legal option that provides them with the relief they need to live a normal life. I dunno man, if your son is one of those people, I wouldn't flip the script and blame all his problems on weed. Educate yourself on the product, its legality in your state (in the form of hemp-derived), and also understand which products can lead to a failed drug test.

Honestly, I'd be happy to answer any question, so shoot me a DM if you need.

 

[simplewoodencross]

@everydaybread In our state no amount of THC is legal, I think something like .3% is the amount that goes from ok to "will get you sent to prison".

There are some studies that indicate cognition is negatively affected by pot use, and one of his big complaints is that he can't focus or comprehend school work.

 

[everydaybread]

@simplewoodencross The law reads 0.3% Delta 9 THC or less, on a dry-weight basis.

Now I will say that some states have explicitly banned Delta 8 THC - BUT - even in those states, the 0.3% law allows a small % of Delta 9 and/or other forms of THC in edibles. It's all in the marketing and in the math, but nonetheless it's 100% possible to get THC edibles in every state because of that rule. You'd be REALLY surprised to know what's legal due to that rule.

Also, to be clear I'm not advocating getting your son high, I'm suggesting to start with a low amount of THC, perhaps a Full Spectrum CBD product, and see if a small amount is enough to help get him through his day.

I personally do not like the feeling of being "high," so when I do use a product like Delta 8 THC, it tends to be in super-small doses, like 5MGs. My mom does the same for aches and pains, and doesn't feel out of it or anything.

Again, I'm not advocating you buy your son edibles and let him have at it. I'm saying educate yourself on what's actually legal in your state, and the difference between products, and be open to the relief it can provide your son . I'd say impaired cognition means the dose of THC was too high, kind of like saying hey I need wine to relax but I drank too much. You know, or maybe it's just not for him, and that's fine too - but if he says it helps him, I wouldn't focus on all the negatives.

 

[bernard05]

@simplewoodencross Does he have a therapist? Have you looked into meds for anxiety? My daughter is a similarly high achieving student, but anxiety was basically taking over her life a few years ago. We finally found a therapist who is a good fit. The therapist recommended a psych. She's now on a low dose of Zoloft and sees the therapist twice a month and it's made a huge HUGE difference.

If he's telling you he's overwhelmed, find him help or he's going to keep looking for it on his own.

 

[sparrowfeet]

@simplewoodencross From what you’re describing it seems like he might have attention issues. Has he been checked for ADD and things like that? I agree that he’s self-medicating with the marijuana, and then it’s not appropriate to turn a blind eye.
But also, it might be helpful to not think in all black and white ways.

It’s possible that he could go to the alternative school, get refocused, and go on and be very successful in college. So, try to avoid catastrophic thinking, and maybe seek some advice from a therapist as to how to proceed.

I’m glad he’s talking to you. Teenagers are dealing with a lot, a lot. And, when you have mental health issues also coming in, it’s very complicated.

 

[lonely]

@simplewoodencross Pot is a symptom of his mental health issues. It’s never the other way around.

 

[slybelvedere]

@simplewoodencross Please listen to him about the school. Trust that he knows what’s stressing him out. Show him that you love and respect him and believe him. Above all, you believe him. You believe that he knows what he needs right now more than you do, and you’re behind him 100%.

 

[letterforms]

@simplewoodencross Is he aware of the consequences, like have you sat him down and said "these are my concerns'? Sometimes kids sort of know but aren't familiar with the reality. You're not off base, IMHO, weed is legal for adults here but feeling overwhelmed, anxious & having a hard time focusing are all typical of being high. Can you suggest an experiment, like journal mood & use for 2 weeks on weed, then 2 weeks off? If you're right and they're acting in good faith, it should become apparent that weed isn't helping. It might give insight into what is causing trouble too. Also, any chance there's an undiagnosed learning issue here? Lots of smart kids start to fall apart in high school when their strategies for getting by fail them, but no one's really looking for LDs at this age.

 

[simplewoodencross]

@letterforms I’ve asked for an educational evaluation.

 

[lisasummer2012]

@simplewoodencross I am in this Facebook group "It Takes A Village Community for Parents of Tween and Teens" and I am finding a lot of helpful info in there. It's moderated by a professional parenting coach. You might find some useful tactics, advice and support there.

 

[taranmicheal]

@simplewoodencross My son acted very similar starting when he was 16-17 years old. He is 20 now. He almost didn’t graduate from high school and for years smoked weed multiple times a day, in addition to experimenting with other drugs.

My opinion: you can’t get him to stop. He has to come to that realization and desire to stop by himself.

You are right to be concerned with pot use. It can cause emotional disregulation in teenagers. But he has other issues going on as well that need to be addressed. You may need to send him to a therapeutic boarding school, rehab facility or something similar. Another option would be intensive outpatient programs for teens.

My son went to a facility for out of control teens when he was 17 and honestly I think it saved his life. My son did his school work while he was there and graduated from high school early. Feel free to send me a message if you would like!