She was smart to agree to only meet in public. Tell her so. Go with her and meet the guy and make sure he's not an old creep. Then step away, do some shopping, and let them have their space - for a predetermined amount of time.
If she sees that she can be honest with you without negative repercussions, she's more likely to continue to come to you in the future. That is a far more important lesson to teach.
@ccm500 I'm a solo mom to a teen girl as well. Mine does the same thing when she lies.. I'll be suspicious that she's not being honest, and then she'll suddenly come clean. She knows that coming to me is usually a good thing because I'm not a harsh parent, and I can usually help her work through things. As far as meeting the boy, I agree with everyone else. I wouldn't say she can't meet him, that could cause a whole host of issues. I would go with and stay close enough. I don't know that I would go as far as meeting him, but that's always an option. I would tell your daughter that you're proud of her for being honest and for doing her best to be safe but that in the future she can come to you with these things and you can help her figure it out. I think you're doing a great job, and it shows.
@ccm500 Your 15 year old daughter has come to you and talked to you about something she initially didn't feel comfortable talking to you about. You want her to keep coming to you and talking about things, so don't punish her for it. Guaranteed she will think back on this next time she's considering telling you something or not.
When you're talking to her about lying, make sure she knows you're coming from a place of love, not you did the wrong thing you need to be punished. Explain to her that you need to know where she is and who she is with in order to keep her safe/ know that she's safe. Let her know that you will try to be open minded if she wants to do something, but your number one concern is her safety. Let her know that she is doing the right thing by meeting him in a public place, but having someone else nearby in case they turn out not to be who they said they are is also a good idea, because you can never tell with people you meet online. I wouldn't punish her even after the fact, because that is what she'll remember and what you want her to remember is that she came to you and it was a positive experience and that you want to know where she is for her safety because you love her. This could be a real turning point for you both, it's not easy to get teenagers to talk to you about things, this boy has done you a huge favour, make the most of it.
@ccm500 It's good she came clean. I live on the outskirts of Delphi, IN. You may have heard of it on the national news. The things we've seen and heard from underage girls talking to people online, well, let's just say dozens of adult men have been investigated and a couple prosecuted. All this just stems from a single incident.
@ccm500 I think the bigger concern is why she felt the need to hide it from you.
“I’m really proud of you for telling me the truth before you left. I’m sorry you felt uncomfortable telling me about this boy from the begging-that us something we need to work on but we can talk about that later. It’s ok for you to go but let’s discuss some safety measures I want to make sure you are aware of. Also, I will be dropping you off and picking you up….” And do on with whatever you need to discuss with her.
Later, when you are both calm and in a good frame of mind you can discuss communication between the two of you and how to improve it. Ask her for her input and listen to what she is saying to you.
