Support and Love Needed

[joey88]

My wife and I have had quite the journey. Previous post history will show it’s been a tough one. Found out we were pregnant last year. Beyond excited to be a first time dad. Our excitement for the best of us & we went into an ultra sound before our schedule doctors appointment. The tech directed us to seek a professional. A week later my wife experiences her first miscarriage. Man I was in devastation. Worst feeling ever. A few months later we were blessed with another pregnancy. Man I was excited again! She had all the symptoms and things were looking up. 8 weeks we go in for the ultra sound at Kaiser. There my baby was. Heartbeat and all. I cried tears of joy man. A few weeks later at 11w 5 d my wife calls and says she’s bleeding. We lost our baby December 30th. I’ve cried almost everyday since. Since January we’ve tried and tried and every test negative. Visited a fertility clinic. Man I’m a salesman but damn they were good. Best thing we took away was to get a sperm analysis done. Results show that my Michael Phelps were healthy and well! Man I bragged to my homies for a little bit cause I was above average haha. She was checked, and just as healthy. I’m 29 and she’s 31. Why weren’t we being blessed man just didn’t make sense.

Well I’m happy to say that we are currently 8 weeks and tomorrow we visit Kaiser again. And to be honest, I am so scared. It’s sucks cause even if I see a heartbeat, I still won’t be happy. I’m just praying man that we get to have this baby. I don’t know what I’m gonna do if we get bad news. I’m afraid for my mental health. I’m afraid for my wife’s heart. I’m afraid for our marriage.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Anyone have any words of comfort. Damn I hope I can post next year sharing good news.

 

[giftofgod2]

@joey88 Sorry you went through all that. If you search predaddit you will see a lot of similar stories. That's why I always cringe at the unbridled enthusiasm on day 2 after a pregnancy test. Like yeah you're pregnant now but don't rethink your entire life yet, it might not work out.

We had a missed miscarriage at 6 weeks and then it took us another YEAR to get pregnant. My sperm analysis was just borderline problematic so maybe that's it, I'm not sure. We were 1 month away from doing IVF and then boom, got pregnant somehow. The pregnancy was nerve-wracking but that was ok to me, I think that's appropriate. By the time we cleared 20 weeks I was basically ready to be all-in and had tons of time to be fully excited.

Give yourself a break and embrace that feeling of uncertainty because it's the correct feeling IMO. In time you will feel more confident when you have tests and results to prove that to you, and you'll have a whole second-half of the pregnancy to be over the moon excited.

 

[anonymitycodeboanerges]

@joey88 We experienced two early miscarriages as well. Its brutal. We’re on our third pregnancy and finally have made it to 29 weeks. I couldn’t let myself feel it was really real until the 20 week dating scan, I checked the miscarriage odds calculator constantly. Honestly those first 20 weeks were the most anxious I have ever been in my life. The NIPT test did help, I think we did that at like 14 weeks or so.

One thing I did end up realizing by talking to my therapist around week 16 was that no matter how much I tried to keep myself protected and distant the fact was that if anything were to go wrong again it’s not going to make it easier. I wish I had realized this sooner because my wife was reassuring me that this one was different, she could tell based on what she was experiencing. It made her a little sad I was so distant even though she did understand.

Having a child is going to make me permanently vulnerable and I know now that starts the moment they’re conceived. I wish there was something better to say but really just take it day by day, experience all the emotions, support your wife, and what’s going to happen will happen and all you can do is be there with each other through it all. I hope eventually you can relax a bit and enjoy the day dreams of what’s to come. I’m finally at that point and it’s incredible.

 

[tonstantweader]

@joey88 We were told back in December of last year that our baby would not make it to term by an ER doctor (she had gone in because of heavy bleeding) Back in mid August our baby was born happy and healthy. I remember how stressed I was through that first trimester and when we made it to the second our new OBGYN was pretty confident that there would not be any complications.

I can not imagine the pain you both have gone through and hope this time things turn out well for you and your wife y’all deserve happiness.

 

[mpatrix2003]

@joey88 It's awful. Being scared all the time is difficult, you stay wary even when getting good news.

We're the same age as yall and same medicals. Above average numbers for me and she's healthy as can be. No explanation for five lost pregnancies. Now we're in the third trimester after our first try at IVF.

Ask for the heart rate during the visit tomorrow. For eight weeks, you want to see it above 140. Very much less than than means a likely lost pregnancy in the following weeks.

It's going to stay scary for awhile, but every day is one day closer and one day safer. Be there for her as best as you can.

 

[globalfaith]

@joey88 I was a wreck the entire nearly 42 weeks it took for my son to be delivered, every appointment I freaked out until I heard the heartbeat. Just try to stay as calm as possible, ensure your wife is as stress free as you can make her be. Wish you both well and good vibes your way.

 

[believing2015]

@joey88 I've been there too. We had two miscarriages at 8-10 weeks. Logically, I know that miscarriage is super common and just a part of human reproduction. But emotionally, it still shakes you. And that's ok.

With the second one was tested the tissue and we know it was a chromosomal problem that caused the miscarriage. We decided to make some changes to try and support our reproductive health. Things like avoiding plastics and parabens in food/drink/skin lotion and taking some supplements.

Whether those actions worked or we just got lucky, I don't know. But we are now at 20 weeks and have our 20 week ultrasound coming up on Tuesday. All indications are that it is a healthy pregnancy but to be honest, there is still a nagging "what if" in the back of my mind before each appointment. It is getting less with each test that comes back good though.