Starting a co-sleeping tradition - once a week

[rengb121]

Hi. Looking for opinions. We never co slept with our 3 year old son and I deeply regret this decision. A couple of times we did take naps together on vacations and it was absolutely wonderful. I am thinking of starting a small tradition where, say, every Thursday night we would all sleep together in our bed. I am worried that this might cause confusion and poorer sleep for my child and also be a catalyst for him coming in to sleep with us every night. Are these reasonable doubts and are there any other negatives that might come outt of it?

Thank you!

 

[wowreallyguys]

@rengb121 When I was a kid, we would have morning snuggle time on Saturdays. We'd wake up and go climb into bed with mom and dad and go back to sleep. It was fantastic! Maybe something like that would work better?

 

[rodneyk]

@wowreallyguys Yeah I would do the first nap in bed with baby for a month or two when he wasn’t sleeping well, it was a glorious 2h nap and we both got sleep, but I was more awake because of the light and less worried about it (and hubby would watch us on monitor). It was lovely, he’s in the crib now, but I’m so happy I had those special naps together.

 

[namelesshero]

@wowreallyguys I was going to suggest something like this. We do it every weekend with our daughter and it is THE BEST!!

I also love the idea of movie night snuggles in bed once a week as a tradition and will definitely be doing that when she is older!

 

[jimsorrell]

@rengb121 I have some friends who do “sleepovers” with their kids in their living room on weekend nights. Seems like maybe a fun way to test this out without bringing your bed space into the equation, if you’re worried about creating a habit.

 

[garnett64]

@rengb121 An alternative is to pull out a mattress or blankets and camp out in the family room. When my kids were younger we would do a movie night every Friday. We would pull out the blowup mattress, make blanket forts, and have a slumber party. It isn't your bed so that might make him less likely to crawl in your bed on other nights.

My daughter never ever slept in our bed. She never attempted to. My son did for years but that started well before we started doing family movie nights.

 

[minnie]

@garnett64 Love this idea, I’m in the same situation to on as OP. Last week I pulled out our camping gear and made a tent in the living room. Going to set that up as a monthly ‘camping trip’ for cosleeping

 

[kingdomkings]

@garnett64 Yes. Make it a family room camping night instead.

 

[ocsoni]

@rengb121 I'm curious what the goal is? If your child is sleeping well in their own space every night, what are you trying to accomplish from changing their routine?

The only outcomes I can see are negative, ie worse sleeping habits, bed confusion, sudden nighttime separation anxiety etc. If the upside is just more time for you to cuddle with your toddler, I would weigh how valuable that is over a good sleep routine.

No judgement intended, just doesn't seem to make a lot of practical sense to me.

 

[kc8vji]

@ocsoni This was my thought. Also it seems it is more motivated by the needs/wants of the parents, rather than of the child, which is not exactly the point.

 

[rengb121]

@kc8vji It is not motivated solely by the needs of the parents.

 

[katrina2017]

@rengb121 I'm sorry that people are jumping on your explanation to twist your original question. It seems perfectly reasonable to me to base much of what we do as parents on what worked best for other families and for us as children. We all spend a lot of time and energy trying to repeat the good things and avoid the bad things, which is logical. Nobody parents in a vacuum and it's ridiculous that people are pathologizing you for explaining that you're using evidence from your experience.

 

[tyler52]

@ocsoni Because its so nice! Everyone cozy in bed together. We only allow it on non-school/work nights. I love when we all sleep in together and so does our 3.5 year old.

 

[fruitsnack31]

@ocsoni For the bonding!

 

[ocsoni]

@fruitsnack31 Is there evidence to suggest that parents who co-sleep bond better with their children compared to those who don't? In my experience, I have found that my children and I have better quality time together during the day if we all get good restful sleep at night. That is, of course, only my experience.

 

[fruitsnack31]

@ocsoni I was responding more to your statement of “ the only outcomes I can see are negative” I think it very much depends on the family, circumstances and the personalities involved.

There is extensive research on how touch is important for bonding. I mean that’s the whole skin to skin thing when they’re an infant! I think depending on your family circumstances some co-sleeping could be helpful and promote bonding because of the increase in physical closeness and touch.

https://www.care.com/c/physical-affection-touch-kids/

 

[ocsoni]

@fruitsnack31 Yes sorry, wasn't trying to be argumentative. I understand and agree that with newborns, skin to skin is critical, but in OP's case, the kid is 3. There are a lot of ways to bond with a 3 year old, but I'm not sure messing with their sleep schedule is the best way to do that. For many parents who struggle to get their kid to sleep through the night, a good nights sleep would be a godsend to getting better quality time with them.

 

[katrina2017]

@ocsoni I don't understand why we separate newborns v infants, toddlers, and children, even adults when talking about physical touch. Don't most adults also feel closer to people that they touch? It's not just that we touch people we feel close to, there are hormones and brain chemicals involved in physical touch that promote relaxation and bonding for humans of all ages.

A good night's sleep doesn't have to be diametrically opposed to co-sleeping. There's a common thread here that families who don't co sleep regularly find it disruptive when they try it, but families that do co sleep regularly don't bring up lack of sleep. Personally, I've seen the parts of my family that co sleep get much better sleep when they do so. I suspect families that co sleep avoid a lot of the sleep disruption issues because everyone involved is used to it. It took me a couple of weeks to get used to sleeping next to my husband - there's an adjustment period where the unfamiliar sounds and movements and position patterns can wake you up, but then you get used to it.

And I'm sure that there's an effect wherein families that have switched away from co-sleeping were more likely to have found it disruptive to sleep and families that did not found it restful. But we're talking about a family that hasn't tried it yet - the assumption that it's disruptive for ALL families, even once they've gotten used to it, seems flawed to me.

 

[fruitsnack31]

@ocsoni I agree there are absolutely potential positives and drawbacks. It seems like there’s a lot of people in this thread that do it successful but of course depends on the individual.

 

[acire2014]

@rengb121 I'm going to chime in here and be on the unpopular side and say that we do not cosleep at night, ever. This was a choice we made even before I was pregnant because I am a terribly light sleeper with highly disturbed sleep. Any change in sound, light, or temperature might wake me up, and keep me up, and so I covet my sleep. My child is 4 and will try to nap with me but rarely falls asleep. She does come in and cuddle with my SO in the late mornings sometimes. As others have said, I get my cuddles at other times, but I'm a better parent when I am more rested.