Sitting here with my newborn sleeping on my chest and I can’t imagine doing this while having another child too

[daughteroftheking89]

I am one and done. I had a traumatic unplanned c-section and recovery was awful. Then I couldn’t breastfeed and that was so stressful. Then we had issues with formula feeding bc LO was having so many tummy troubles and screaming for hours. And also just the waking up every 3 hours to a baby needing me and feeling like a zombie all day. I can’t imagine doing all of this again while having another child who is dependent on me. I thought I would want 2 kids within 3-4 years of each other but now thinking about caring for a newborn and a 3 year old running around…HELL NO!

 

[kobestutri]

@daughteroftheking89 I’m so sorry about your experience. The newborn phase is rough; no one understands until they go through it. I never understand it when people say that they “forget” how bad it is and proceed to have more children. My son is now 7 months old but I remember the newborn phase so clearly and how solid my decision is to be OAD.

 

[daughteroftheking89]

@kobestutri It’s the same with pregnancy. I had a really hard pregnancy too and I was just wishing for it to end and I don’t think I’ll ever forget how difficult it was on my body. I don’t understand the people who say they forget about their difficult pregnancy. And now the newborn phase, how can someone forget how hard it is unless they literally had an angel baby who never cried?!

 

[tabbywabby788]

@daughteroftheking89 I guess the OAD are the ones with good memory! My son is 5 years old, and just like you, both my pregnancy and the newborn phase were really tough. I remember it so vividly, and can't imagine going through all that again. My son still needs so much attention and patience from us, that I feel like we'd be neglecting one of the kids if we went for a second one. Hope your baby's tummy issues get better soon!

 

[daughteroftheking89]

@tabbywabby788 Thank you! And I feel the same! If I had another I’d have to divide my time but no way it would be equal bc newborns need to much attention. I just want to be the best parent and give my all to my son.

 

[whoops]

@daughteroftheking89 And delivery. I know you mentioned your c section, but even vaginal birth - I had a sunny side up baby 2 weeks early and I remember the hours of nightmare contractions, and while pushing I remember everything the nurse said to me, I remember literally feeling like I couldn’t continue and feeling delirious but still very much aware of everything, even with an epidural. I remember the pain of trying to get out of the hospital bed just to pee. And at 3 months pp, I still have pain. No way I’m forgetting any of it - the pregnancy, delivery, or newborn phase.

 

[daughteroftheking89]

@whoops Absolutely! Birth can be so traumatic and it really does stay with you. When I think back to what I felt during the c-section and afterwards, I get horrible anxiety and a knot in my stomach, I can’t even begin to process those thoughts and feelings. I really think it must be some low grade PTSD

 

[afterhours]

@daughteroftheking89 I had an unplanned c section after 19 hours of labor and 3 failed epidurals, and I was diagnosed with mild PTSD. It contributed to my PPD and I had a very rough first couple of months. Everything got a lot better with medication and therapy, so I'd encourage you to look into those options if you haven't already. Sending hugs and sleepy baby vibes!

 

[mysillyrandomname]

@daughteroftheking89 Same! Every day my baby girl (5 weeks old) had a hard night I’m asking myself « how could I manage that fatigue with a toddler besides me ?? »

 

[daughteroftheking89]

@mysillyrandomname Im currently responding after my boyfriend and I both tried everything under the sun to calm our crying baby who ended up having a bunch of gas and is now good. We give all of our attention to the baby, there’s no way I’d be able to do this AND a toddler who is probably even more needy than a newborn.

 

[raulcraven]

@daughteroftheking89 I could have written this. Everything you said has been us too, from the c-section right down to the plan of 2 kids close together. We’ve also decided to be OAD. It’s reassuring to know someone else feels the same for such similar reasons. I’ve been feeling failure, I guess, at the decision because it isn’t what we had always planned and thought we wanted. Thank you for sharing.

 

[daughteroftheking89]

@raulcraven I’ve definitely felt like a failure too bc I always saw myself having lots of kids and my boyfriend also always wanted 3 or 4 kids but after going through what I went through with pregnancy and delivery and now the newborn phase, we agreed on OAD. I always wanted a big family but I know I can’t handle it, physically and mentally I can’t go through that.

 

[raulcraven]

@daughteroftheking89 I agree completely! I try to focus on how much more we will be able to give our one. Much more one on one time, focus, and support. I haven’t fully processed everything we went through, so I try to hold on to thinking about her future to help through the hard times.

 

[katrina2017]

@raulcraven Letting go of what we planned and thought we wanted has been the hardest part for me. I try to remember that back when I made those plans, they were based on a fantasy. Now we have a real experience to use to make a realistic decision. So it's understandable that we might not make the same decision now that we know what we're getting into.

 

[raulcraven]

@katrina2017 I really like this point of view. Thank you for sharing, I am going to shift my thinking.

 

[moodymoose77]

@daughteroftheking89 I feel this. I have a 3 week old and have always said during and before pregnancy “I’m one and done”. And people were like you will change your mind. Now that I have my newborn I know there is way I’m putting myself through this again. It’s fukin brutal. I type this as I pump after feeding my baby every 2 hours in the night.

 

[daughteroftheking89]

@moodymoose77 Mine is 2.5 weeks old and I gave up on pumping bc it took away too much precious sleep time Some days if I brush my teeth that’s an accomplishment! It’s crazy

 

[moodymoose77]

@daughteroftheking89 It’s awful. I pump exclusively so I I’ve no choice but I have to supplement with formula (two feedings or so) because I can’t keep up with her. I hate this so much

 

[thewriteman]

@moodymoose77 I pumped exclusively (but also supplemented with formula) for the first 4 months. I HATED it. Do not beat yourself up about formula feeding…just do what is right for you.

 

[afterhours]

@moodymoose77 Hang in there! I exclusively pumped for 8 months and had times when I needed to supplement with formula and times I had a huge oversupply. It gets easier but also remember fed is best and now 2.5 years later, no one knows or cares how my son was fed.