Shy Freshman son; starting to make friends. But I can't deal with some of the parents. Clique all over again

[metsuko]

I feel like I am reliving my HS years with cliques again. My son is shy and just started to make friends. He is in sports and we all meet as a group for after parties, events. I've become friends with some of the parents but a few, I just cannot stand. I don't want to throw the r-word but my wife and I experience some passive micro-aggression and we both have not felt like this in 20, 30 years. So I don't want to throw that word around. We are not white. At the last party, the host did not acknowledge us and we felt disrespected and ignored. My wife sincerely believed we were looked down because of our ethnicity. Again, I don't want to throw the r-card into the picture but it sure felt like it.

I believe it is also because we were not originally part of that clique. Some of those parents knew each other from a long time as most of the kids are from a different elementary/middle school which are now congregating into the large higher school. So we don't have those past relationships.

I don't want to raise attention to this to jeopardize my son's social life. I feel like the same thing I had to go through when I was in high school. Now it is the parents. So I am feeling we should just "suck it up" and deal with it? Is having sporting families like this? Tournaments, etc.???

He really enjoys going to Pizza, small parties after wards. Without that, he has no social life. Doesn't go out, doesn't hang out with anyone.

 

[charitylove]

@metsuko Ugh - not sure what to say except sorry. Some people really suck. I hope you find a few good people in the group - it’s possible you can weed them out if you give it some time. Plus, I don’t think you’ll have to do this for 4 whole years. In general, parents of freshman are way more involved & then you end up letting go more & more over time. You sound like good parents!

 

[amyser]

@metsuko Hey OP, i can provide my experience as a father with kids in sports. I am white, my kids are multi-racial. We go to the team events to support our kids. Many of parents have known each other for a long time… there are a few parents i know and like, others i am not fans of, others that I suspect are not fans of me. I am 100% ok with this as I think it is normal… This is the case were i work, when i was in school, and athletics.

I tend to gravitate towards people i have a connection with. I tend to avoid folks I don’t care for, and i think most folks do. Why would I voluntarily spend time with them? I try to keep an open mind as impressions have mislead me before.

I also believe its in poor taste for a host to not acknowledge their guests! Freaking rude!! I hope this is helpful.

 

[metsuko]

@amyser Thanks for the comments, your insight is valued. Yeah, I am starting to gravitate with only certain parents. Some parents take the sport too seriously and get critical when the team loses; pointing fingers. I also get irritated when these parents let the older siblings go on tirades why certain players "suck" or causes the team to lose. Not a good way to build teamwork. They kids are just having fun.

Also, it has only been a problem when the two varsity and junior varsity co-mingle. My kid is a freshman so we are just going to skip varsity-centric events. Some of those parents have multiple grade kids and the coach invites all the families. So we get roped into going to them. But no more.

And yes, I am not gonna let that one incident trigger me too much.