Setting up a routine isn’t a priority right now

[terrastorm]

Had no idea which flare I should have used for this, so I apologize if it doesn’t make sense.

I’m still in survival mode, ya’ll. My 2mo is well fed. He’s clean. He smiles at others. He interacts with his environment. His sleep is not the greatest, but it’s getting better. But when people ask about my routine and I tell them we just go with the flow, they kind of give me and my husband an “Oh...” look.

I understand routines are important, and we’re still figuring it out.

Is it that much of an issue if we’re just winging it right now? Or are we making it harder for ourselves?

Edit: grammar

Second edit: Sorry. My sister offered to watch my LO for a few hours, so I said, “Say no more,” and passed out .

Thank you guys so much for sharing your advice and insights about this. It reassured me that we’re doing pretty alright with the baby. I know I’ll have to think about routine as he gets a little older and he’s more adjusted to how the world works, but for right now I’ll just continue doing what I’m doing.

I love this sub.

 

[rasheed]

@terrastorm I definitely was still in survival/go with the flow mode at two months! Whenever baby needed to eat, she ate; whenever she needed to sleep, she slept. I think we kind of did a routine at bedtime, but that was more for me than her.

The schedule didnt really develop until into the third month, when diapers and feeds became a bit more predictable.

At the end of the day, do what is best for you and your sanity!

 

[terrastorm]

@rasheed That’s what we’re at right now. Bedtime is the only thing that’s consistent.

For the most part, did she wind up working around your routine or did you guys work around hers?

 

[sunrise1471]

@terrastorm The only "routine" I had at 2 months was changing the baby out of pjs in the morning and into pjs at night. And that was enough. He did his own thing and we were all happier for it.

 

[webdeveloper73]

@terrastorm I’m coming up on 15 weeks and the only thing consistent is bed time. I go by sleepy cues for contact naps during the day and he sleeps great at night. He is a happy dude and I tell myself not to stress until something isn’t working out. His day is starting to almost look similar every day but still a fair amount of variability.

 

[bronsontaur]

@webdeveloper73 4 months and same. And honestly even bedtime is kind of sporadic and depends on how he's doing. He's not much of a napper so I try to put him down if he looks tired but usually he contact naps on me after a feed. I can take him anywhere and he's a pretty good sport about it if I feed him immediately before leaving. We are hitting the regression/teething fussiness right now though so we may need to start trying to change things.

 

[justchloe96]

@webdeveloper73 Are yours sleeping through the night? Our 17 week wakes every 2-3 hours on a good night

 

[webdeveloper73]

@justchloe96 He sleeps 8pm - 6:30am-ish with wakes to nurse at 1am and 4:30am. He is in a snoo and the rocking does wonders for connecting sleep cycles, not usually for the first sleep but towards the morning it really helps.

 

[thepuppyturtle]

@webdeveloper73 Same keep the bedtime firm and watch wake windows/ sleepy cues and then flow with the rest

 

[rasheed]

@terrastorm A little of both, I think - I knew that I wanted to follow a loose eat, play, sleep schedule, so once she started regulating a bit, I tried to follow that. That said, it didn’t always work (still doesn’t at almost 5 months), and I have to remind myself that at the end of the day, baby needs what she needs. If the schedule gets jumbled for a few hours or a day, no long-lasting damage is done.

 

[shadowuser1]

@rasheed Same. The baby makes its own routine around 3 months. Now at 4.5 months we moreso have time ranges we do stuff. Like somewhere between 7-8 we do goodnight books. That means if we want to give her a bath, do it a little before because it helps her get sleepy. We always do things in the same order but the time may shift by an hour depending on her activity level.

She's a super happy baby. Always has been. Just do what works for your baby and you.

 

[strangeways]

@terrastorm One thing we learned, routines cannot be forced. They happen as you go. Eventually one day you will be like “huh, this is actually a routine”. It could be as stupid as “don’t step on that squeaky floor board” as we take him to crib but it is a routine.
One of the biggest reason we never got to sleep train. We kept being in survival mode until we got used to his cues and just made it a routine by itself.

 

[terrastorm]

@strangeways Ah, I have a feeling that will be our situation. Thank you!

 

[slowyourbreathdown]

@strangeways I think this is what has happened and is happening to us now. Definitely still in survival mode at 6mos. No sleep training and LO is EBF.

 

[jparadise]

@strangeways How old is your LO? I am going through the same with my 11 week old. Do you ever plan to sleep train your LO?

She was a very crappy sleeper in the beginning but I get to read her sleepy cues better lately. I just want to know if I am the only parent so obsessed with her sleep and losing my sleep at the same time or it's better to just wrong it and see where it goes.

 

[strangeways]

@jparadise We are at almost 10months and we didn’t sleep train. Mostly because too tired to constantly read so many techniques and even more tired to try them out. Tried a couple, didn’t work, we gave up. He still wakes up twice a night. We just got used to it I guess and take shifts covering him at night.
I do want to mention he bottle feeds so all we have to do is hold him and he fall asleeps quickly. He does sleep longer stretches since he started solids too. Very so often though he will wake up at 2am and just cry refusing to sleep. In those cases, it is just survival mode. We throw every trick in the book to get him to sleep and then eventually just resign.
Sorry don’t have any solutions to your question just experiences. Hopefully you get the respite soon. Hang in there!

 

[tony717]

@terrastorm It’s whatever works for YOU, the routine or rhythm or even a schedule isn’t for the baby, it’s for the parent.

 

[terrastorm]

@tony717 Well, I feel silly now. I always thought that we were damaging our baby by not being the ones to set expectations of how the day should run from the get-go. I didn’t think it was more so to help me out.

 

[patersonchristian]

@terrastorm It’s absolutely about what works for you.

Yes, eventually it’ll be about teaching your child boundaries, limits, and how to operate within schedules, but that type of social learning is for the toddler years. Right now in the newborn and baby era, it’s about what makes life easier for you. Some babies (and parents!) thrive in habits and routines! Others do much better finding more of a loose rhythm that changes and responds to the day.

 

[terrastorm]

@patersonchristian I think I’m taking the articles I read online too seriously when they mention the things parents SHOULD be doing. Setting a routine asap was one of the components that caused me the most anxiety, because setting up a rigid routine was hard for myself already.

I will definitely keep this in mind.

Thank you!