S.O.S. Second baby coming tomorrow and I’m panicking

[mdavis337]

@rickram My second baby is now 3 months old, he was born a few days before his sister's 2nd birthday. It broke my heart to leave her to go to the hospital, and she was definitely extremely clingy for weeks after, but she loves her little brother and it's so cute to watch them interact. I keep reminding myself that even though I don't have as much time and attention for my daughter, she's getting a companion who will be there when we're gone hopefully. She's getting someone whose energy can match hers, who she can kvetch with about their crazy parents. I'm excited to bring this little family up, as completely bone tired as I am day in and day out.

My husband loves our daughter so much more than any other creature in the world and he had a difficult time bonding to the new baby at first. Now he's totally in love with both. Just a warning that bonding can happen at a different rate and that's totally normal.

 

[starchurch]

@rickram I had an amazing Uncle who everyone who met him, loved him. He died recently, and we were telling stories about him. My dad brought up one of his favorite memories, which kind of applies here. My mom was about to have me, and they already had my sister who was 4 at the time. My dad had similar worries to you, and confided in my Uncle. How could he possibly make room for another child, when he already had a perfect one that he loved so much. How could he spend time with his new baby, and still show his current daughter how important she was. My Uncle, a father of four, who always delivered everything as a joke said this. "yeah it's strange, we had our first kid, and you just love her and you spend all the time in the world with her, and she was perfect. Then we had our second, and I loved her, but definitely less than the first. Our third came, and I barely noticed or cared, I think we have four now, but I really only care about the first one and want to make sure she's the most loved." My dad said he just kind of started and him confused, and my uncle laughed and said he was kidding and "love doesn't divide, it only multiplies. Every child is just as loved as every other, and you are building them a family for when you are eventually gone. You're going to do great, everyone is going to be loved and happy, you will make room in your life and heart."

 

[buckyboy]

@rickram I just wanted to say that this post moved me to tears. So touching. We will be in exactly this situation next year and I also don’t know who we will cope! Also r/2under2 might have some useful advice x

 

[jamescutler]

@buckyboy Me too, to all of it! Baby 2 arriving in May, when my daughter will be about 16 months. I'll also be induced so will have a very similar situation to OP and the thought of picking up my daughter for the last time as my only baby...oh I'm crying again.

@rickram clearly I don't know how to handle 2 under 2 yet, but you will handle it because you care about how you're going to handle it. Crappy parents don't worry about that sort of stuff. You're going to be brilliant! Congratulations ahead of time, I hope the labour isn't too drawn out. Might I suggest a puzzle book - that's what got my through my first induction, better than anything else!

 

[djoyforever]

@rickram Seeing your oldest become a sibling is a whole new experience that you have with them too. Seeing him be gentle, or help bath the baby, seeing them sneak off to make a den as children, seeing them confide in each other as teens. Every step and milestone is shared with him and it is the most amazing thing in the world to watch and nurture. It makes all the other stuff seem not so bad.

 

[tmg78]

@rickram 2 weeks into second kid life and my first has adjusted very well, and is settling back into his usual self, he’s also very doting of his younger brother and warmed up to him over the first week. He did feel gigantic when I first saw him again but now that we’ve had time to settle I still see him as my baby, just my bigger baby now. It’s a beautiful thing and way less stressful handling the second newborn, enjoy it! Hope your wife has a smooth labour!

 

[growingflower11]

@rickram Mom here who just had her second. There’s a shattering that happens. I’m no longer the mom I was to my first baby girl, she was my everything and the center of the universe - and now there are two, her needs dont come above all anymore. AND we are all doing great and it’s amazing to watch my first love on my second.

Things will change. Feel your feelings. You will all adapt just give it some time

 

[epitome]

@rickram We’re not planning a second for a few more years. Ours is also 18 months old and I think what you’ve written is absolutely beautiful. Both your children are so lucky to have you

 

[polsokker1441]

@rickram My only advice is to enjoy your last night with your 18 mo. When you see him again, he is going to feel so much older.When we brought our second home, all of a sudden our first felt like she grew overnight. I was only in the hospital 36 hours! It was like all of a sudden she wasn't a baby (she was 22 mo). Hold him, cuddle him, smell him, lol. He is going to be a big brother. It's not a bad thing, seeing and feeling the shift. It's just weird because it really wasn't long ago that you were bringing him home.

 

[steven58]

@rickram Two years ago my wife went into labour with our second child. After a hard day of labouring our daughter was born in a pool in our bathroom with midwives present. As we presented our new bundle of joy to her 3 year old brother with tears of happiness in our eyes, we asked, "Are you ready to meet your new baby sister?" He replied, "No, I want to watch Peppa Pig."

They are now best friends and our house is full of love and joy and blah blah blah don't worry you'll be fine. Kids are hilarious.

 

[tamh]

@rickram Leaving them is hard, but hopefully Grandma and Grandpa will keep him happy! You’re going to be so caught up in the new little one, the time will fly by. Congratulations, many blessings to you and your family!!

 

[saved29]

@rickram I too felt exactly how you are feeling. When I found out I was pregnant with our second (which was also a surprise) my baby girl was only 6 months old. She was so tiny and helpless and I felt so guilty that I was somehow taking away care she still needed at such a vulnerable age. But my second is now 3 months and yes, my girl feels a lot heavier than the day I left for our c section, but it’s so so beautiful watching her become a big sister and fall in love with her brother alongside us. Some days are hard (but that’s toddlers for you right), but despite all the feelings I had before baby #2 arrived, everything feels perfect. I bet you will feel the same way too in a few short days. Sending lots of love to your family!

 

[jerrygabriel]

@rickram What you are feeling is so normal! I had a planned induction like your wife. I cried after putting my toddler to bed the night before. It was emotional knowing that was the last night we were putting him to bed as our only child, and that his whole world was going to change.

Things will feel be different, and there will be an adjustment period, but know that you have so much to look forward to. Watching your 18 month old become a big sibling will be so special.

 

[vickic]

@rickram It's ok to grieve your family of 3 dynamic! It's a part of life that's changing and change can be hard, especially when you're changing something so good. We've got a 3yo son and 4mo daughter. It's a lot of juggling these first few months, but already our family feels like it was always supposed to be like this. It's absolutely perfect. You will still have time with your son and you will have time with your new baby too. It can feel hectic, but it's such a good hectic after they fall asleep and you get a chance to look at all their photos and reflect on the day. Make you want to get back up and do it all again (though, it would be nice to get more sleep before doing it all over the next day ).

Also, just to add, I hope your son will love his first sleepover! Mine LOVES his grandparents and has lots of sleepovers. Maybe this will be the start of a new fun thing for him!

 

[emelcee]

@rickram You’re grieving the family you had. It takes time. As a mother, expecting her fourth child, I know this feeling all too well, it will pass. Just sit with your grief, it’s ok to have these feelings.

 

[kayleigh1987]

@rickram What makes it all worth it is when your kids start to bond with each other. Your son will get to have a sibling and form a relationship with them that is unlike any other relationship he will have in his life. I think that's a real gift to give him.

 

[sangar41]

@rickram This moved me to tears. I truly believe my heart just grew somehow. Once they start interacting it’ll melt your heart in ways you didn’t even expect.

 

[theepicjon]

@rickram Similar boat here! Dad of a 14 month old, and a surprise baby could come in the next two weeks. Very overwhelmed and questioning ability to cope!

 

[nabthefool]

@rickram Aww best of luck to you all! Just know these feelings are so so normal. I bawled my eyes out on the way to my induction with my second. It was the first time I had ever spent the night away from my then 23 month old and I just felt like I was throwing his whole world upside down. Well when they placed my second baby in my arms I just knew it would be alright. She was perfect and meant for our family. When we brought her home our toddler was SO excited to meet his baby sister. It was one of the sweetest moments. They are about to turn 4 and 6 and it's really hard to ever remember life as a family of 3. It really feels like it's always been this way because we can't imagine life without any of our kiddos. We've even added a third baby now and honestly the love just grows and while there are growing pains for sure it does sort itself out.

 

[wallnutbob]

@rickram You’re doing great, Chili. Two weeks from now you’ll be wondering how you ever second-guessed yourself. Congratulations on your growing family. it sounds like they have an amazing dad.