@rickram It's going to be fine! A huge change, but in two years I'm sure you'll look back on this very positively.
Since your wife only had 9 months between birth and conception instead of the recommended 18 minimum, her recovery this time is likely going to take longer and she's likely going to be much more tired. This means you'll probably have to do 100% of the toddler stuff anyway, in addition to a big chunk of the newborn stuff. So I don't think your relationship with the toddler will change that much.
@rickram I read a blog comment once about how there’s “light switch love” and “dimmer switch love.” And sometimes love feels like a switch that is instantaneous. And sometimes it’s like a dimmer switch and grows over time just like raising a dimmer gets brighter over time. With that second baby it may feel like a dimmer switch. It may just take more time, but one day you’ll feel like oh! The light is on! With our second it took me longer to bond and I just remembered that was normal. You have almost 2 years with your first and this one is brand new. You’ve got this!
@rickram It's so beautiful and hard at the same time. I had so much guilt before the birth of my secound, our daughter is the centre of our world! The first time they meet will be amazing and a little sad in some way but honestly its the biggest gift ever! My two year old loves her baby brother (3 months old now). They will be inseparable eventually, truly.
@rickram Just came here to day that you’re adorable and that this is normal! But life is made in a way where you will adapt and figure it out! And you’ll see the bond forming between your son and his sibling, and it will melt your heart over and over and over again.
@rickram Just want to say thank you to everyone for their comments even though this isn't my post! I'm 32 weeks pregnant, my older daughter will be almost 4 when the baby comes. I lost 3 pregnancies in between them and wanted another baby so bad but I have cried multiple times now feeling so much guilt about upending my daughter's life and making her have to share me and my husband. These responses have really reassured me.
@rickram Let those beautiful and hard feelings flow! It's going to be an emotional few days and that's okay, lots of love and tears and hugs and snuggles to come. You sound like an amazing parent.
One thing you might be able to do, depending on how far away you are from the hospital: my husband popped home for two hours at bedtime and my mom came to visit me in the hospital. Turns out my little girl was doing just fine with Nanny and Papa, so I think that visit helped us more than her
Hug the bejebus out of that little boy when you get home and be amazed that you helped him grow to that gigantic size compared to his baby sibling. You're doing great!
@rickram This is my elder sister and bil's trick. They bought present in advance. Then once the baby is born, older sibling meeting baby for the first time, they will give the present to the older sibling. They told the older sibling that it is a present from the baby.
This helps to make the older sibling like the baby more.
Next up, the trick to building their relationship is to get the older sibling participate in taking care of the baby - help to feed bottle/ help to fetch diaper/ push the stroller etc... So that older child don't feel left out from the family.
@rickram Ask the person babysitting if they are ok with doing video calls: my first night away from my 18mth old was when my second baby was born and once everyone left the room I cried because I missed my oldest baby, so if you do cry then hold your other half because she will be going through a hard time as well,
Actually when my second baby was a newborn I went to the emergency room twice with gallbladder attacks and the second time I was admitted and was able to keep my newborn with me as he demanded to be breastfed even though he had a bottle so by the first almost week in hospital I felt so sad I got my blood pressure etc checked and the nurse called the emergency room doctor to come check on me and I said I just missed my oldest baby and after all the cancelled surgeries I was brought to surgery the next day my thoughts are it affected my blood pressure so missing a baby can physically affect parents. Plus baby is use to hearing his/her siblings voice and will be looking for them as well because my baby missed family too and was inconsolable most days wanted to be held all the time
@rickram One of the hardest parts about welcoming baby 2 for me was the separation from baby 1. I was at the hospital with my beautiful baby boy and all I could think about is how much I missed my daughter at home. In our case, we didn't have family nearby that my daughter could stay with.
Instead, some family came from out of town to stay at our house while we were at the hospital. We planned for our visitors to arrive weeks before the due date to make sure we had time for everybody to get used to the new routine. I ended up needing to go to the hospital about 5 hours after they made it to my house. We put my daughter (just turned 2) to bed and were not there in the morning. She was greeted by a family member she had not seen in over a year.
It went great. Honestly my daughter handled it so well and after a couple of days of being separated, the family reunion was wonderful. I cherish the videos of my daughter the first couple of days after she met her brother. She'd spend all her time watching him and gently making sure he was covered with a blanket (but not his face!)!and had a toy nearby. It's just great.
@rickram I had the same exact feelings when I was going to be induced with my second. Then every night I was in the hospital with my new precious girl I cried because I missed my son. But it is SO FUN having them both. They fall asleep holding hands and crack up together and there is so much love. Your first born is going to look so enormous after you hold your new baby, I don’t think there’s any way around that. It totally shocked me. But it also showed me how fast everything goes and I think it helped me understand how temporary all the struggles and sleepless night are
@rickram My son was also 18 months when his little sister was born. During the pregnancy, I was so worried I was taking something away from him by having another baby so soon. I held him so close that last night knowing nothing would ever be the same. I can’t lie, it was hard for the first few months and divide and conquer was the only way. Now they are 4 and 2.5 and things aren’t as hard as they used to be. I see how much they love each other, and how much fun they have together, and I cannot imagine things any other way.
Buckle up, it’s a hilarious ride!
@rickram Oh man that was me last year. I kid you not, those few days i was away from my first kid while i birthed my second he had a growth spurt or something. I dunno if it was ppd but i legit cried those first few days because i felt sad it wasn’t just the 3 of us anymore and we were moving into a new chapter in our lives. Yeah definitely the hormones that triggered the crying lol. But those feelings were real. But the only way i got over it was time and just getting into the new rhythm of things. Congrats and good luck!!
@rickram I’m a mom of two, and had very intense worries and grief while pregnant with my second. They are now 5 and 18 months. The first few months were rough emotionally (for me). My oldest was also my best buddy and I felt almost guilty for changing his life. And also felt like I was “losing him”, even though he wasn’t going anywhere. I cried often in the months leading up to the second birth, and had a very difficult time in the weeks and days ahead.
My husband is amazing, though, and even in the very early days, I spent weekly 1:1 time (playground outings, gymnastics class, lunch dates) with my oldest, and it helped. Life is busy and messy now, but holy crap. It’s wonderful. I am obbbbsssed with my 18 month old—did not see it coming like this, but he is my baby, and he makes me want to have more. The kids are best friends now, and play together all the time. They find so much joy in each other. I still get plenty of 1:1 time with my oldest—even more now—we even took two short trips together to see my family out of state, just the two of us. Because of the ages now, I get plenty of time with both individually and lots of time with both together. It’s been incredible watching them both become brothers and seeing their bond. It’s brilliant. Just give yourself adjusting time, and it will fall into place.
@rickram We did that 5.5 years ago. #2 came along faster than we expected.
My boy was 17 months. He was enamored with his baby and didn’t have the words to tell us, but his actions were heartwarming. He rocked her swing, he gave her kisses, handed her toys she was too young to play with but at least he was sharing! They were buddies. We got double strollers and they went everywhere together.
They are almost 7 and 5.5 now. They are BFF for real. They play legos together, play pretend, and my son teaches my daughter things and helps her learn to read and do math. I wouldn’t trade their bond for anything in the world.
That being said we had a surprise third who is also a girl and he currently has a sign on his bedroom door that reads “Boys Only”.
@rickram It’s such a big change! But your heart will expand just like the Grinch’s and you’ll have that overwhelming love for both of them. Seeing your big kid love on your baby kid is just the sweetest.
Try to carve out some special daddy-son time here and there and do whatever you can to make him feel special during this transition. Congrats to you all!
