Reconsidering being OAD but need advice on how to bring it up to SO

[rizon2278]

Before my ambition for a bigger family is shot down, yes l did just have a baby. Hear me out. I have come to the conclusion that while my first experience giving birth was "traumatic"(an unplanned C-section l hadn't prepared for) it honestly wasn't bad recovery wise. Long story short if l talk to my doctor about having the same procedure done possible, and p have a planned cesarean, l would be about 98% on board with having another baby. The other 1 percent would be saving up obviously, and the other 1 percent would be having a bigger living space. However, l want to know when the best time would be to bring up my idea? I wouldn't want to start trying again for 4 years minimum. It's not an ultimatum to have another but l don't want my husband to agree just because it's what l want, or get angry with me for even suggesting the idea. If l present it as a hypothetical "if we are doing better financially and we can both agree 100% to have another in 4-5 years what do you say?" Would that be a reasonable approach?

 

[tammyasks]

@rizon2278 How long ago did you have your baby? All I could think about for the first month was if we were ever going to do this again. Literally spent the whole car ride home sobbing wanting to decide in that moment. 9 months later and it’s not on my mind as much. We talk about it occasionally but it’s very much a thing that will we decide when the time comes. We didn’t see ourselves here 4 years ago and we don’t know how things will be in 4 more years.

 

[rizon2278]

@tammyasks I had my first only 3 months ago....but l have wanted a family for 7 years now. My SO and l have been together for 10 and our whole thing is compromise, but l would at least like to voice my idea soon.

 

[katrina2017]

@rizon2278 For us we are taking a month by month approach. We just hit the toddler stage and let me say - our opinions change constantly. I think this is a conversation that should be ongoing and you should each continuously check in with each other. I don’t think this is something where you can have one defining conversation. At least that’s my opinion. We have set a time limit and if by that point no decision is made my husband will get a vasectomy. But until then we just check in on occasion with out we are feeling.

 

[geneva1599]

@katrina2017 We also have a vasectomy date "scheduled" ! So we have like 2 years to decide if we have another.

 

[rizon2278]

@katrina2017 I like the idea of using a time limit. I am no stranger to the toddler phase since l work at a daycare and am the oldest of 5 kids. It would be something for my husband to get used to though. But that's why l think waiting til the oldest is at least 4 is a good idea.

 

[katrina2017]

@rizon2278 I just let my SO know that mentality, I keep that door slightly open, that I haven’t made up my mind 100% yet, but for now, it’s no. I give myself time (years) to either let the door open more and more, or close it for good.

 

[katrina2017]

Yes exactly me too

 

[rizon2278]

@katrina2017 I like the phrasing of this! I'll probably use this.

 

[rizon2278]

To add on and not sound like a martyr, l do take on most if not all of the night feedings, doctors appointments, etc. Not that he isn't involved as a dad but it could help my argument that life won't change much for him lol

 

[katrina2017]

@rizon2278 You might change your mind when you get to the toddler stage. They are full on! It will be difficult attending appointments with a toddler as well and looking after one while you’re sleep deprived. It should definitely be an ongoing conversation as to whether you still want another or not

 

[rizon2278]

@katrina2017 Very true. Which is why if we do have another l will wait til, at the least, the oldest is 5. That way they can hell be a distraction lol just kidding. But we'll figure it out(if l get the courage to talk about it)