Reckless teen driver consequences

[elenamaria_9]

My son turned 16 in March and got his license the day after. A week later his father gave him one of his cars to use as his own (we are separated and he lives 2 hours away). It’s a sedan in great condition. Since school let out in mid June, my son has caused over $1,000 in damage to the front underside of the car. He got a speeding ticket for going 35 miles over the speed limit. He also refuses to wear his seatbelt. Other than driver’s Ed, I was the one who taught him how to drive. I stressed safety every single time we drove. I’m devastated that he’s so reckless. I worry for his safety as well as anyone he drives near. On Monday I have to take time off work to go to court with him over the speeding ticket. He’ll likely lose his license for at least 20 days. After that I’m at a loss what to do. If I take away his car privileges then I will be back to driving him to school and work and having to rearrange my schedule. His dad is of no help. Losing his license I hope will be a wake up call, plus I’ve told his dad that our son should have to pay the difference in insurance payments going forward since they will go up. I’ve had several serious discussions with him. What else would you do to stress just how serious this is? I’d love others input, especially from single parents that have to always be the enforcer.

 

[myrmidon21]

@elenamaria_9 I would make him take the school bus to school if that is an option. for the first six months of school. He will need to learn the difficulties of dealing with life without a driver's licence and cannot rely on you being a chauffeur. All the freedoms and privileges' of having a drivers licence should go away with it. The courts are not usually that lenient for a second offence. He will lose his licence until he turns 18 next time. Make him pay the fines and fees. Mow neighbors yards its not easy life only gets harder for him from here on out. If he hit me on the road I would sue.

 

[laurapalooza]

@elenamaria_9

1. He wears his safety belt, or he doesn't drive your car ever.
2. He pays the increase in the cost of insurance whether he's driving or not.
3. If your location is served by a school bus, he rides the bus now. Or buy him a bicycle.

 

[emmanuel330990]

@elenamaria_9 Get him a bus pass and take away his car. I honestly believe that kids should not be allowed to drive solo until they are at least 19. They lack the maturity and decision making skills that must be present to be a good driver.

 

[beready]

@elenamaria_9 My son is 16 with no real l desire to drive. I have been nagging him to study and get him temporary permit. I’m a single mom with zero help from the dad. I cannot afford the insurance premiums so I’m not pushing too hard right now.

After reading this I think I’ll lay off the nagging for him to drive. My parents want to buy him a car for Christmas. Maybe that will motivate him to get started. We live in a large city where everything is freeways. It’s fast paced and ruthless. Not exactly fun driving.

 

[loverofgod33]

@elenamaria_9 It’s an extra cost but a inside/outside dash cam that you can go back and watch.

Some teen cell phone apps alert when a kid goes over a set speed. Not sure if it’s aligned with speed limits on a given road but ?…

Does he have a bike? There are more than a few high schoolers in my town that bike/walk to school. Added benefit of physical exercise.

My best wishes to you both.
Signed,
Irresponsible teen boy driver 40 years ago

 

[rev7verse9to12]

@elenamaria_9 No more car or driving, and he takes the bus.
Do not feel obligated to drive his ass around. He'll grow up relying on you or a future spouse for rides, it also will reward his bad behaviour.

Trust me on this one.

 

[wsmasri]

@elenamaria_9 He doesn’t sound mature enough to drive yet. Some teenagers just need more time to understand how much of a responsibility it is. The damage to the car alone is excessive, but, the tickets (which affect both his driving record and ultimately your car insurance) are especially concerning.

He could also be on the verge of causing an accident that would put you in a particularly precarious situation because as you know, with him being a minor, you could be looking at a lawsuit.

Even though it’s difficult to manage without him holding up his end by driving responsibility, you may have to seriously reconsider allowing him to continue on behind the wheel. You can also wait until he’s older and you’re not as commingled.

 

[scottwilson]

@wsmasri This is it. My son is 17, and as the only parent I wish I could take the easy route and have him drive, but he’s shown he’s not ready yet. I’ve told him prior that if he doesn’t wear a seatbelt or enforce others to (his responsibility as a driver) that I will revoke my parental responsibility for his license (you can do this at the DMV, since he’s technically your liability while you’re the one signing for him, until he’s 18.) I’m sorry. I would set a hard boundary. It’s so hard as a single mom. But you’d regret it if someone was hurt because of his carelessness, or if you became liable. Fight entitlement while they’re young!’

 

[kavi0808]

@elenamaria_9 Rather to change your schedule than to plan a funeral or scrape together money for a lawyer. That’s harsh but I’m serious. He isn’t responsible enough to drive so he should not be driving. For now, he should be driving with a parent in the vehicle until he can prove that he is responsible enough to drive on his own. When he turns 18, you’re still going to worry but then he has to figure out his own consequences. For now, you can still manage the situation.

 

[lyossarian]

@elenamaria_9 Is there no school/city bus? If it is less than 2 miles, I feel like walking should be an option. He should absolutely be contributing to his insurance and have to pay for the damage to the car. There needs to be natural consequences, which all of these are. And if there isn't public transportation or he can't walk, then unless it is school or a required activity, you do not need to rework your schedule. He just doesn't need to go. He created this mess, so you should let the chips fall where they may and not make it easy on him.

 

[anita5050]

@elenamaria_9 No more car.
It’s that simple.

He’s not respecting the laws or safety of others.

School bus or biking or walking. Those are his options.

35 miles over the speed limit is reckless op. I will be shocked if the court doesn’t take away his license.

 

[michiqan]

@elenamaria_9 I would sit down with him, lay out the facts, and ask him what he thinks the consequences for actions should be. You can talk safety to him until you are blue in the face but if he doesn’t make these connections himself then it means nothing.

He definitely needs to pay to repair the damage. He will obviously need to deal with whatever the consequences are of the speeding ticket (paying for any fines/online safety class/court).

I personally would not allow my child to drive any of our cars if they did not buckle up. If that is their choice they can buy their own car-and use public transportation until then. Is he paying for his Jen I durable? If not he needs to start. Looks like a bike is in his future. You should not drive him everywhere. You are going to need to be firm on this one.

 

[sparrowfeet]

@elenamaria_9 16 is pretty young to drive. Sounds like he’s not ready, even if it would be more convenient if he were.

 

[porsynthia]

@elenamaria_9 Driving at 16 is a privilege and a responsibility. Your son has shown in multiple ways that he is not ready to drive responsibly. Not wearing his seatbelt alone was enough to take away the keys. So no more car for him. And do not rearrange anything. He has feet to walk, peddle a bike, or step onto the city bus to get him places. Otherwise he stays home. And he definitely needs to pay for the damage and the fines. He can pay by working and by losing things you pay for like streaming channels, his allowance, etc. Take him off your insurance since he won’t be driving. You need to draw a hardline. He could seriously harm or kill himself or others. He could make himself and you uninsurable. He could bring major legal action against you that would wipe you out financially. His teenage brain can’t grasp the full scale of these consequences but your adult one can. Be harsh now until he has the maturity required to be a good driver. Auto accidents are the leading cause of death for males up to the age of 22.

 

[porsynthia]

And return the car to his dad so there’s no chance for him to sneak and drive. If his father objects, tell him since you no longer insure your son, the car is of no use. Hold firm with everyone.