Reasons for having another child?

[hktm16]

This post isn’t about me deciding whether I want to have a second child but I’d like to know what other people’s reasons for doing so are.

I’ve googled this and get answers like “it’s easier the second time because you know what you’re doing”, “labour might be easier” and “you get to pick out a new baby name”.

These don’t seem like reasons but rather statements about things that could happen (e.g yes, it could be easier but you wouldn’t exactly say “I’m having a second child because I know what I’m doing”) and so I’m just wondering what people’s reasons have been for having another child/children. Is it that you want more love? Is it to give your child a sibling?

 

[katrina2017]

@hktm16 We just want another one. That's the reason.

There are other reasons that come into play, but ultimately, we just want another child.

 

[freddied]

@hktm16 We liked our first child so much we thought we should make another one.

 

[jonwalter]

@freddied Oh I like this one. I've been on the glass half empty side of this argument so far: I like my first so much that I think the second will be worse in every direction (or, the chances of that happening is too big to risk it).

 

[freddied]

@jonwalter Everyone thinks that until they have another

 

[wen]

@hktm16 Sometimes people mention things like:

• So your kid has a friend. Counterpoint: lots of siblings don't get along.
• So the burden of caring for you when you're old doesn't fall on only one person. Counterpoint: it often does fall on one person even if you have multiple children because of proximity, willingness, closeness, money, etc.

The only good reason to have another child is because you want to. This is also the only good reason to have a first child. Wanting a child is not really a rational choice.

 

[afrahatun]

@wen Just to further your second point - my mom is one of six. Guess how many of them are caring for my grandma now that she has Alzheimer’s? Exactly one of them. They all live in the same town too. I think in the 10 years now that she’s been living with my aunt there’s been a handful of occasions where someone will give my aunt a break by taking her out or coming to the house so my aunt can get out. But for 10 years now it’s my aunt and a hired nurse caring for her.

No one should have kids based on the idea that they’ll be their default elderly care. Also kind of a crappy burden to expect from your kids IMO.

 

[kimosabe2019]

@hktm16 We have the bandwidth. We were in a comfortable routine before we got married, then married and pregnant, and now with our toddler. Adding a second doesn't feel daunting and it feels welcomed.

I don't think of us as overbearing parents but I don't think OAD is good for us. I personally feel like our son will benefit from less attention in the long run.

 

[becausegodlovesus]

@kimosabe2019 Working in telecom, I assumed something different with your first sentence. Although that is another important thing to consider; you will eventually need a faster download speed.

 

[mssassy]

@hktm16 I loved and still love having siblings. Parenting is actually easier with more than one. We watch my three year old nephew a lot, and it's not really extra work. (A family member who also watches him a lot was struck by how much easier it is with him when my kids are around. He's got something to do and a bigger kid that understands expectations better than he does)

I think a lot of teamwork and selflessness is learned early on with siblings. They play and think things through together.

And yes, I'm team insurance policy. I've had that worst case scenario, and having another child to live for was more important than I can put into words.

 

[mssassy]

I also really love getting to know each kid's personality. From little things like my oldest doesn't like her get covered at night to my son's sensitive side that comes into play quickly whenever excitement is high

 

[nhule8805]

@hktm16 Legitimate reasons:

My husband- “it feels like someone is missing from our family.”

Me- “ I have always imagined our family as a family of four and finally feel that I am in a good place (career, financial, health, mental state, time) to have a second child.”

 

[angel_heart]

@hktm16 I love my first child so much and he’s so much fun, I hope to double that. Meanwhile my husbands opinion is that we made a perfect child, why roll the dice again? We will see.

 

[yaaten]

@hktm16 no reason other than just both of us knowing we wanted multiple children.

 

[yulia]

@hktm16 After being one and done initially we just looked at the little human we had made and how wonderful she was. We thought what if we made another one to enjoy a life with.
The other reason is we live in Australia while our family live in the US and Europe so there are no cousins around or any family at all. I grew up like an only (large age gap with sister) and my husband was an only and we would’ve liked to have had a sibling. So these 3 reasons is why we decided to try for another. We left it to fate and I’m now pregnant but I am absolutely certain no more after this. I’m still very nervous and just hoping for the best but it’s happening so we are going with it.

 

[daveo]

@yulia With no family around, how do you feel in regards to having a support system? I am thinking about this aspect.

 

[yulia]

@daveo We went around and around a lot about this. It’s our biggest area of concern and we have been trying to build systems to help us navigate this.
By build systems I mean not have to think about certain things - meal planning, auto delivery of pet food and anything that fits into that convenience, outsource what we can afford for periods of time (dog grooming, some house cleaning is what we’ve decided for now). My husband can continue to work from home at least another 6 months so that will help, my daughter is in preK and I’m working on building the little community with other parents.
I have no good answer bc it is a big concern but we hope that having done the last 4 yrs completely on our own, we hope we can do it again

Just edited to add that we considered moving back to the states but realised that bc there’s no one area where family is condensed and honestly neither of our families would be helpful so the sad reality for us was that we wouldn’t have that village anyway. My parents are especially a ball and chain and would only bring us more responsibility and guilt than help. But truly family is SO spread out.

 

[daveo]

@yulia Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I'm in similar shoes and it's relieving to hear a similar situation.

 

[southerngirl92]

@hktm16 We always wanted 2. Our family didn't feel 100% complete until we had our second. Now we are definitely done

 

[reporter94]

@hktm16 The only reason I think is a good one to have another child is because you want to raise another human. I have an only child, because I really didn’t want to raise another. I have friends that had a second that wanted another and are very happy. I have friends that had a second due to societal expectations, family pressure, or giving their first a sibling, and even with older kids (late elementary/early middle school) they aren’t nearly as happy, and many have admitted to me that while they love their second kiddo, they have regrets.

So, have another kiddo if you really want to raise another whole individual human. Anything else isn’t worth it I don’t think from my anecdotal experiences.