Questions about birth certificate. (Also sorry about my username 🥴)

[kiddoleknocker]

So....without giving you guys a long story and details about this I’m gonna try to condense it down and please tell me what you think. I welcome all advice.

My sons father and I had a child in 2017. He did not sign the birth certificate because “ I wAs SLeEpInG wItH eVErYoNe” (should have, in hindsight) anyways We separated shortly after and our son has lived with me ever since. I never put his father on child support. I asked him for what I needed and he gave it to me. The only thing I ask of him now is to pay for his school and a box of pull ups here and there. That was our agreement. He didn’t even start taking him for overnights until he was about 2-2.5. I do everything for our son. Literally. He has him every other weekend now and he recently got into a relationship and moved in with a woman who has twins, after only 2-3 months of dating. Out of nowhere he decides that he’s ready to be a “full time dad” and asked me to split one week here and one week there and to find a different school for him so that it’ll make it easier for him to be able to drop him off. To which I said absolutely not. Because there’s no need to do any of that. Especially to go be with a family who I don’t even know for a whole week at a time. I told him that if he wanted his rights then he would have to take me to court and fight for them. I’m done handing everything to him on a silver platter.

My question to y’all is should I just wait and have him file? Or file myself? I’ve never dealt with any custody issue as this is my first and only son. I’m very very stressed out and need any sort of advice or guidance. Please.

 

[lichtoefur]

@kiddoleknocker Hes asking you to disrupt your sons life and routine to "make it easier" on him. But that's not how this works.
File first. Get in there and get it started. Be very careful letting him take him until there is a custody agreement I dont know how it works there but my sons father isnt and wasnt on the birth certificate. I let him take my son for a visit and he was supposed to return him same day and he didnt. I had to get an emergency court order because here the cops wont do anything. It has to go through court. You might want to look into that asap. Find out what the laws are like in your area. It took a week for me to get my son home.
File for sole custody and care and offer visitation of every second weekend and one evening on the off week that he wouldnt get him that weekend and file for child support.

Document EVERYTHING. If it's a phone conversation or in person conversation write down the date and time it took place and what was said. Any text or emails can be saved via screen shot or there are apps that will automatically save it.

Good luck.

 

[katrina2017]

@lichtoefur After 8 years of being a single parent, I know some things to be very true:

1.Document everything meticulously until the child is 18.
2. Always consult a lawyer or get legal aid faster than you think necessary.
3. Always be on the offensive.
4. It can always be worse - prevent that by doing the above.
5. Parent burn out is very very real. No matter how annoying an ex is, if they are not doing anything illegal, stay on their good side or at least be neutral. You actually might need them one day. Think long term and strategically!

 

[kiddoleknocker]

@katrina2017 I try so so hard to be on his good side. I bend over backwards...keep my mouth shut. But I’m just so over it right now. I don’t know if I’m being petty or reasonable and it’s just all so much. But thank you. I’m trying to think long term but that makes me stressed even more lol

 

[katrina2017]

@kiddoleknocker I've been there. The thing you should think very carefully about is, is he capable of being reasonable? Personally, I knew from history that my ex was not capable of being reasonable but due to my own issues, I kept thinking I could fix it and that something was wrong with me if I couldn't. It turned out that he was exactly like my parents, very unaccountable and unreasonable.

I wasted 15 years trying to make get what me and my kids needed - 10 married to him, 5 after our divorce - and it has ended up very badly. If I could do it all again, I would have stated our needs simply and concisely and said if he cannot work with us, we go to a mediator or court. I should of meticulously saved all texts, emails, bank transactions, etc. in a file, well organized. I would have crushed him in a court years ago....instead of dillydallying and hoping I could convince someone to be a person he is incapable of becoming.

You can do this. Keep it very very simple and clean. Find third parties to help you communicate if necessary. Keep all emotion out of it. If necessary, find legal aid (there is SO much out there if you look). Nip this in the bud!

 

[katrina2017]

@lichtoefur What are the apps that automatically save the texts?

 

[therockker]

@kiddoleknocker Get a lawyer before you file! So many states are 50/50 these days and will not care about status quo. Figure out how your state handles custody issues before you file!

 

[kiddoleknocker]

@therockker What’s the difference between a lawyer and just filing with the attorney general? Is there a huge difference? I can pay for the lawyer but that’s a huge chunk of change gone for me.

 

[therockker]

@kiddoleknocker A lawyer is a professional that knows what they're doing and that knows the specific laws in your state. You could file by yourself, sure, but sounds like he has a lawyer. Apologizing for messing up bc you don't have a lawyer isn't going to get you very far and he will likely steam roll over you.

 

[kiddoleknocker]

@therockker I do have a lawyer. I just haven’t filed yet. I also really doubt he has a lawyer...maybe. He couldn’t even afford to pay for our sons school for the past two weeks. Either that or he lied about it. But even then I just don’t see him having the funds to get one.

 

[therockker]

@kiddoleknocker If he doesn't get a lawyer, he'll have a really hard time getting custody. He will first have to file a paternity suit, then y'all will have to figure out a custody and child support plan. If you're sure he's not going to file and you don't need child support, I just wouldn't risk it. He currently has no rights.

 

[lepows]

@kiddoleknocker File for child support now.
That’s free to you, no lawyer necessary.

 

[thpikid]

@kiddoleknocker I filled because I didn't want to worry about it anymore and the unknown and stress that comes with waiting for filing is not worth it. Consult with a lawyer and have them help you out. I know it can be pricey but it will 100% be worth it in the end. Best of luck!

 

[pj1070]

@kiddoleknocker If you didn't say anything about your username I wouldn't have noticed.

 

[bobwhite]

@kiddoleknocker File. Sole custody. Sole decision-making. Be specific in visitation and expectations (ie splitting school/sports/activity fees, who will provide health insurance, etc) this is a long term contract. It can be altered but you should file and then you guys will discuss (usually with a mediator; if it get intense may want lawyers involve - you can ask for him to be responsible legal fees) and then hopefully come to an agreement a judge will sign off on. Or the judge will make the final call. Get an agreement in place.

 

[katrina2017]

@kiddoleknocker I'm sorry to hear you're going through all of this! You need to file first though. It shows how you're being proactive in getting custody and you'll probably have more time awarded. I filed for custody for my daughter as a newborn when her mother wouldn't allow me to have her by myself for more than four hours a week. As a father in the state I live in, custody rarely goes in the fathers favor but since I filed first it helped me get 50/50 for a baby under 1 year of age

P.S. love the username lol had me rolling

 

[killalljewishpeople2934]

@kiddoleknocker get a a lawyer and file. that'll male things much easier for you and the process shouldn't be to complicated as you have status quo on your side. plus make sure to always emphasise how important stability and consistency are for a kid your son's age.

 

[kiddoleknocker]

@killalljewishpeople2934 Never mind. A quick google and I got it. Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

 

[kiddoleknocker]

@killalljewishpeople2934 What is status quo, I’m sorry I have no clue.

 

[yearning4yeshua]

@kiddoleknocker Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer. I know it might be tough financially as a single mom, but I can’t stress how important a capable lawyer is in a court of law. There are often volunteer lawyer programs in some states (some state boards require lawyers to do some pro bono work). At the very least go for a free consultation or two with different lawyers.

I’ve seen this so many times. Absentee dad gets into a relationship and decides now is the time to overcompensate and seem like Dad of the Year. Fuck him and every guy like him. As a single dad who has stood by his kids from the ink drying on their birth certificates to two already adults in college, I can’t stand these guys. A kid isn’t a fucking accessory.