Preschool before 3 y.o

[whothesonsetsfreeisfree]

My wife and I have read plenty of good books about attachment parenting, many of them suggesting that kids should not go to preschool before they reach the age of four so they properly attach to the parents instead of their peers.

Theory from books indicates that he is not yet emotionally mature enough to decide with whom to attach with. Improper attachment comes with immaturity in socializing in the form of not inheriting the families values.

Due to the nature of our work we have the freedom to spend many hours every day with our son and we bond daily. We would like to focus a bit more on work at this time and we discussed this with a close friend who owns and runs a great preschool nearby. She claims that the child will greatly benefit from socialization with peers and will develop skills even further.

What say you, parents? Do we overthink this or should we indeed wait a bit longer?

FYI: Our son is 26 months old and really advanced for his age: he speaks clearly with a rich vocabulary (well over 1000 words) and forms cohesive sentences, can solve simple puzzles, is extremely active and very social, remembers clearly and learns fast (if he is in the mood to pay attention). He knows many songs by heart and sings in proper rhythm, tone and melody.

 

[pastorinny]

@whothesonsetsfreeisfree We started daycare at around 7 months old out of necessity. She’s four now and it hasn’t affected our attachment at all! However, I wouldn’t do it before 3 if socialization is the only goal. It’s literally just this year (in the 3/4s year old room) that the kids are starting to actually play with each other, socialize, and be friends. Before this point, it was basically just sitting next to each other but playing by themselves. All in their own world!

 

[katrina2017]

@pastorinny Is that really true? I'm afraid my baby won't develop social skills if he's not introduced to other people by the age of 1. I guess I need to read up more about that

 

[andybrooks]

@katrina2017 This is literally not a problem if baby is exposed to people to socialize with - adults, parents, doesn’t have to be kids.

My country, lots of kids don’t start preschool until four and it’s no problem at all

Mine is 16 months and since we live in covid USA, won’t be going to any type of program any time soon. He is doing great on all counts (my background is in early childhood education for under threes, so I can say that with some confidence).

 

[ema20]

@pastorinny Yip

 

[kimmy7489]

@whothesonsetsfreeisfree Both my girls started at around one, and both really enjoyed being around other kids. Contrary to much of the literature, they did interact with the other kids, passed toys back and forth, chased each other etc.

Under the age of 3 though, I think attachment is really primarily to caregivers and not to peers. It's also ok for kids to have more than one attachment figure. It's great if as they get older, they learn to trust other adults and learn how to ask for what they need. Even at 4, friends are very important to my eldest, but she needs her primary teacher present at kindergarten to feel completely secure.

By spending time with your baby, especially for so long (26 months) and responding to their needs, you have formed a solid attachment. If once they've started daycare, you continue to respond to their needs and interact with them as you have been, their attachment will not deteriorate!!

I have to say I find your comment about family values interesting. I have noticed that of all the children we know, those who go to daycare/kindergarten can be mean and have an attitude. The (very few) who dont, are in fact kinder and gentler. It's probably just mimicking and I dont know if they'd learn it anyway once they get to school or not.

These days I can tell my kids are attached by how happily they go off to daycare, that they're happy to see me, and that they let loose with their temper tantrums and emotions exclusively with me

 

[cristina49]

@whothesonsetsfreeisfree So, we live in France where EVERY child goes to daycare around 3 months old. People are shocked that our daughter isn't in daycare yet (18 months) and she won't be until she goes to preschool at 3.

Here's what I've noticed:

Everyone asks about socialization. Out of all the kids I know who are the same age as her, she is actually more advanced socially. My theory behind that is it's because she interacts with ADULTS who can teach her proper social protocols every day (vs. a lord of the flies situation). A lot of the kids picked up bad habits at school (sometimes hitting, biting, etc.) along with the good things they learned.

She's not afraid of other kids at all, she can share, she smiles and has fun, she is also very respectful of other people's things and boundaries because we've taught her that.

However, the way we parent we try to really engage with our daughter. We take her to the parks as well so she does have some interaction with other children.

I think if you can keep them home until 3 and your kid is outgoing with other people and can get to the park, then you're blessed to have an opportunity other parents don't have.

Like what others said though too, it shouldn't have a big impact on attachment.

 

[hurdacs]

@whothesonsetsfreeisfree Just last weekend my son's preschool teacher explained that latest research shows that 18 months is the age where most children are able to integrate well into groups and therefore can profit a lot from beeing around other children, environments and caregivers. She also said that they measured cortisol levels of children in daycare and that children of 18 months or older show very little stress. Just hearsay (I did not check the facts) but I thought this was interesting.

My own experience: my son started daycare at 1 year and I think he was not ready then. He is very sensitive, shy and high needs and was just overwhelmed by the other children and the seperation from us parents was not easy for him. We did the transition very gentle and never forced him to go or stay there. The first 1.5 months he never spend longer than 2 hours there and it took 3 months until he took his first nap.

However, now he really enjoys going there. It's true that the very young children don't really play with each other, but they do engage with each other in many other ways. For instance when I come to get my son the same two children always walk him to the door and make silly things and my son laughs about it. The children 2.5 or older actually play with each other and seem to have a lot of fun.

If you really have the choice whether he goes to preschool or not I think you could take your time to look for a daycare/preschool you love and trust and just give it a try. We for instance found a lovely place with Montessori approach and 4 preschool teachers watching only 10 children between 1 and 3 years old and I feel very comfortable leaving my son there. If it is not for him let him stay home. But maybe he has fun staying there a few hours every week and in the end all of you will profit from it.

 

[lightworker0000]

@whothesonsetsfreeisfree Socialization in the middle of a pandemic? Not necessary. Look up the strange situation. It explains how to see if baby is securely atttached and what causes different attachment styles

 

[fantomas318]

@whothesonsetsfreeisfree Given the option I will always say wait. It’s not necessarily detrimental to send your child to school/care young, but there are also limited advantages when it comes to AP goals. Children at that age learn by play, no matter how ‘advanced’ they may be. A structured learning setting...it’s rarely ideal for a bub.