Pregnant at 42 and scared and anxious

[xeena]

I have two little girls aged 7 and 6. I’ve become pregnant after my husband and I recently recovered from a dead bedroom after having had a sexless relationship for over 5 years owing to his medical problems.
He expressed desire for more children in the past year and I, perhaps conflating this with hope for renewed intimacy, went along with it.
We conceived naturally and I’m now pregnant but so scared. I feel like I’ve only just got my life (and body) back after my first two wonderful children. My husband is thrilled.
I’m scared of resenting him and/or baby. I feel dishonest and I’m worried about everything from birth defects to sleepless nights and PPD to the effect on my other children to losing my identity.
This is probably to vent more than anything but I would love to hear of anyone else in a similar situation.

 

[lietuva]

@xeena It is normal you are scared and worried and confused. Only first-time parents are not, and once you have had kids you know the price you’ll have to pay.
There is a reason why why pregnancy is almost 10 months, you’ll have ample time to think about this, the hormones will kick in and you’ll be longing to hold this baby in your arms.
The medical testing is very advanced and you’ll be able to check for birth defects to put your mind at ease( NIPT, ultrasound etc)
I am 42 and pregnant with my second for 36 weeks now, my older one is 11. This pregnancy was a surprise and a shock and while my husband was thrilled I was confused, and scared and angry at him for being so happy. I felt that he did not try to understand how I feel and I cried for days!
Took a few weeks to settle my mind, now I think it’s the best thing that has happened to us.
The sleepless nights will pass, our bodies will be aging kids or no kids.
Best of luck to you, I know how you feel.
Hope it gets better soon.

 

[xeena]

@lietuva Thank you so much for your kind and empathetic response. Everything you said resonates and this helps me so much! Best of luck for the remainder of your pregnancy xx

 

[olliemagoo]

@xeena I felt the same way last year when I found out I was pregnant not trying at all. Honestly thought I couldn't I was told by ob I was perimenopause but low and behold a healthy happy baby girl ! I had GD because of my age which I think they just tag everyone over 40 I barely failed my sugar test and never had a high reading. No issues with pregnancy even though they referred to my pregnancy as geriatric. I felt exactly the same way you do until she was born. I find I have more patience and I enjoyed the newborn phase as I was dreading it wholeheartedly. And my other kids are both teenagers

 

[xeena]

@olliemagoo Thank you for sharing your experience. This is reassuring. Wishing you all the best x

 

[olliemagoo]

@xeena Of course! I wish you and your husband all the best! Don't stress too much over it you have time to get used to the idea and I'm sure your kids are going to so excited for a sibling. The only thing I noticed different with this last pregnancy was I was super tired more than I recall being before of course I was in my 20s too. I joined a group here pregnant over 40 and it was a huge help for me to read others experiences

 

[xeena]

@olliemagoo I will look out for that group. I’m responding to your comment from my bed at 4pm on Sunday afternoon- feeling so tired! Thank you again

 

[strange1]

@xeena Some of your concerns can be addressed easily. Are you able to get the NIPT test and an NT ultrasound? Also since you had your kids they've become better at proactively treating PPD. There are better sleep training products out there. Also, your kids are old enough to participate in the decision (they dont need to know you're already pregnant).

 

[xeena]

@strange1 Thank you. Yes, I have access to such tests but just worried what I might do with the information if it’s not what I hope for. Thank you for your advice.

 

[strange1]

@xeena That seems like the hardest part - deciding what you would do with the information. but if you can make that decision in advance and be at peace with it, you will feel much better.

 

[xeena]

@strange1 Thank you for your kind words,

 

[scrooge]

@xeena I know this was posted a long time ago , but how are you now?
I’m in the same boat and struggling.