@pentzbar000 You poor thing. You got it. I love being a mother to my kids.
I never really saw myself as a parent. I was an only child of a single mother, and it was really hard growing up. We were rather poor, and I was her caregiver, and I struggled mentally and with addiction, so I was shocked I made it to 20. I never saw myself as a mom.
Then after my first year of marriage, I would wake up on Saturday mornings and for some reason, I wished I would be doing kid things. Like going to soccer. Going to baseball. Ruining a perfectly good Saturday morning by watching my kids play. I never had that as a kid but somehow I wanted that.
So when we had our first son, I had no idea what I was doing. The pediatrician we visited first put some really bad ideas in my head that in hindsight were incredibly destructive and she should be ashamed of herself. She said he could have a touch of cerebral palsy, based on the fact that his shoulders were loose, and that's it. And she said it so nonchalantly, like that wasn't a major diagnosis. And that sent me into an OCD spiral where I was just constantly afraid of everything he did. Every time he did some thing I would go on a forum and panic myself until I was in extreme depression. And I know that sounds terrible, but I'm just telling you because it got so much better. I did get help for my post partum depression, I had a fabulous therapist who broke me out of that anxiety cycle and sent me on a positive path toward being a relaxed parent.
Everything turned around, and I loved every minute of being a mom. God kids make you laugh. I can't even tell you. Just all day laughing as they discover the world and say cute things, it's so heartwarming. I had my second pretty much right away, and by that time I knew that may babies wouldn't break, I knew what to expect. He also had loose shoulders but I wasn't worried because my oldest did and he developed fine. I was better at nursing the second time around, please make sure you advocate for yourself to get a good lactation consultant. Mine showed me how to express my own milk, because my first son was tongue-tied and they didn't catch it for a while and he actually started not feeding well (always something to look out for). And that helped a ton in avoiding mastitis and just generally understanding how breasts work, bc I honestly didn't know
And all it was was just me being more confident. Babies are so little and they feel fragile when they're born, but I learned early on they're pretty tough. Tougher than you would think. By my third child I knew exactly how I progressed in labor, and I already had everything I needed. And I knew what I
didn't need. That's very important. I got all these things for my first kids thinking that they needed them for their development, but a lot of it was all just trying to do the best I could for my kids in a misguided fashion. They really don't need much especially at first. Just diapers, cuddles, food, and a very safe place to sleep.
Ever since the boys were four, three and one, it's been nonstop hilarity. They are so delightful. I am not kidding when I say I will laugh 80% of the time I'm hanging out with them. And all I've done is just let them be themselves. They're funny, kind, smart, and generally just really great children. I don't know if it's because of some thing I did or some thing my ex did, but they were so easy. My first was a little high needs, but I blame that on my lack of confidence, and things that weren't caught like his tongue tie, and Gerd.
Now they're eight, 10 and 11. My first just started middle, I don't know where the time went. And most of my Saturdays are completely shot with back to back baseball or soccer games. Just like I wanted
But it's been the best 11 years of my life. By far. It is not always easy. I think I didn't sleep for more than three hours a night for a few years. I went a little crazy I'm not gonna lie. That part is rough, and if there's anything you can do to make sure you get enough sleep, do it.
Newborn cuddles are just heavenly. Watching them explore their new little bodies is adorable. Seeing them discover their feet, discover your clothes, looking into your eyes… There's nothing like it in the world. I didn't have much of a childhood growing up, but I got one now. I have been playing with my kids since they could play, coloring, playing with swords and remote control things. It's so fulfilling. And it makes me feel closer to my mother even though she's passed on now. I feel like I know her better than I've ever known her before, by mothering my children. I appreciate all she gave to me so much more now.
Sorry that was a lot. I don't want to sugarcoat it and say everything's always gonna be OK, because it's not. It won't be always OK. But to me? It's always been 100% worth it. More worth it than I ever could've known when I first got pregnant.
Seriously. The best decision I ever made my life.
. 
Even just watching them play outside and remembering how different and the amount of fun it could be when I was a child is so nostalgic and I could watch them play for hours.
