One bedroom apartment with a 3 y.o?

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debbiedee

New member
I’m currently in the middle of a divorce (with seemingly no end in sight) and I’m beginning to weigh my living situation options. I live in a HCOL area and I make a good salary, but I will be paying both alimony and child support.

Is it a terrible idea to get a one bedroom apartment with my 3.5 yo? We’d share a bed (which we kind of already do now). I’d like to save as much money as possible with the hopes of buying a house in 2-4 years post-divorce.

I’ll have 50/50 custody with my ex-husband and on a 2-2-5-5 schedule.

Just looking for perspectives to help me figure this out.
 
@debbiedee If you're going through a divorce and there are lawyers and potentially judges involved, I wouldn't risk having a situation where the only option is bed sharing. I think a one bedroom could be ok so long as you show that your child has a space of their own to sleep. If that means you're on the couch when child is there, then fine. Anything that gives the appearance of improper behavior or lack of ability to properly care for your child could cause a headache in custody situations. You never know how nasty people can get.
 
@debbiedee 100% what previous poster said. For the sake of the separation process, and long term well being of the child, in case saving does take four years and the child does want space of their own. Make the living room/den your bedroom, have a sleeping space you can actually use (pull out couch, Murphy bed), dresser etc. The bedroom should be for the child and the child should know that, and be reminded.

However all that being said……I’m a single mom with a 3.5 year old….who sleeps in my bed every single night! We both absolutely love it, she’s never left my room. They’re only little so long.

I did have a cradle, then crib, then toddler bed beside my bed, but it got to the point that the toddler bed was never being used. My plan was not to room share, but it works great for us.

I make sure my little one knows that they have their own bedroom, a trundle bed (an option if you want two separate beds without taking up lots of space) which is nicer than my bed lol. I check in with my little one often and offer for them to sleep in their room, with or without me. So far these offers have been consistently declined, but the option is ALWAYS there, with no guilt!

Good luck 😊
 
@debbiedee I considered this while I was in law school as a single mom. My plan was to give her the bedroom and use the living room like a studio apartment, with a futon, couch bed, or Murphy bed if possible. That way we would still have functional living space but also our own sleeping/personal space.

I ended up finding an older two bedroom apartment instead. I sacrificed having an in-unit washer/dryer and central heating/AC instead of space. I think I made the right choice for us, but either option would work IMO.
 
@maryannmaria Sharing the place like the original plan here would be the best solution in my book.

2-4 years will go by really quick for you but for your toddler that’s half their life at that point. He’ll change super fast and will probably need a place to himself to hang out.

I’d use a shit pullout for yourself and keep the future you’re sacrificing for now in you’ll sights
 
@debbiedee I share my room with my twin 3yo boys. I don't share custody but I depend on roommates to survive. As long as there's an actual bed setup for him you'll be fine if cps is a concern. If space is an issue you can look up trundle beds, there's a ton that go on sale on Walmart online with plenty of storage and a roll away bed to put away during the day.
 
@debbiedee A 1br is fine. Put a toddler bed in the corner. Have a pullout couch that you can sleep on. Whatever lip service you need to do to say that the kid can sleep alone if they want to. A court shouldn’t penalize you because you can’t afford everything you’d like to give your kids.

But if your kid is anything like mine, a year later and I still can’t get her (5yo) to go to sleep on her own or prevent her from crawling into my bed as soon as she wakes up.
 
@benjamin1989 Oh, my kid sounds a lot like yours….”mama, can you sleep in my bed tonight??” basically every night.

The general consensus here is that a 1br works (still hoping i can find a 1br + den), but he does need his own bed.

Now, I just need this damn divorce to be done & dusted so I can move out and get on with it.
 
@debbiedee A 1BR is doable!

I agree with the general consensus that your kiddo should have their own bed, though (and it sounds like you have too).

I have a very small house so I’ve had to get really creative with some storage solutions so I’d definitely either find a way to do a toddler bed in your shared room or even perhaps in the closet if the doors can be removed? I’ve seen it done before to create more of an alcove space.

Otherwise maybe you can do a couch that turns into a pull out in the living room and eventually you give your child the room and you take the couch? Not ideal obviously, but it might work for a year or whatever.

It might feel ridiculously juvenile for you but loft beds are great space savers too, then you could but a smaller bed underneath in the open area. I’m sure your toddler would think it was the coolest thing ever lol.

Just some ideas! Good luck.
 
@debbiedee I stayed in one of my brother's tiny 1 bedroom apartments (maybe 400sqft) when I moved out. Had 2 kids, 4 and 1 at the time, and while they only slept at my apartment one night a week bc I work nights, I had them every day for some amount of time (and all day during summer). We made it work with relative ease and the nights they slept at my house they just took my room and I slept on the couch. Saved a bunch on renting a tiny place on a small family discount for about a year that I was able to buy myself a house for my kids. Much better then spending double on a 2 or 3 bedroom apartment
 
@debbiedee Im in a one bedroom with two of my children because rent is sky high. The bedroom is their room and im in the livingroom and it works. I wouldn’t worry about it unless thats something that could be used against you in court.
 
@debbiedee Youll be find. Some ppl share 1brs with older kids. You can make it work. Dont need a private area for a toddler. When they do need a private area if older you can create fake longs, if needed but hopefully you can upgrade before it gets to that point.
 
@debbiedee Do it. My son is almost 5 (tear) and I wish I had the insight to do this earlier. So much of the world does this. Check out the ikea website, they have several cool room designs set up exactly for this.
 
@debbiedee I was a young single mom that wanted to live in a nice area and all I could afford was a one bedroom. For the most part my daughter slept with me but sometimes she slept in the living room. I would have let her sleep in there every night if I could trust her not to get up in the middle of the night eating snacks and leaving food in the couch. We lived there from her age of 2-4
 
@debbiedee I live with my daughter (now 4.5) in an apartment with 1 living room and 1 bedroom. Currently all is shared, she's sleeping with me anyway. In case we still live there when she's older and wants to sleep alone I would move to the couch. There'll probably still be some of my stuff in what's then her room but it's currently all stored under the high bed (what's the name for that?).
So, I don't see much of an issue there. I also wouldn't worry too much about sleeping together at least until a certain age. So far, if your child doesn't sleep alone anyway I don't see why that would be seen as a problem. But I guess authorities might have their own rules...
It could change again when the child goes to school and all their friends have their own room, but if you have ideas how to make it possible by then it should be good.
 
@debbiedee Also in a HCOL area and have 2 boys living in a 1 bed, 1 den apartment. I converted the den area to be my little nook I can call my own and have the boys in a bunk bed in the bedroom. We make it work, you can definitely do it for 2 years - 4 years, but I would search for a place that has an area where you can get creative and have your own space.
 
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