Night weaning reassurance needed

[bandit]

I need some reassurance that I'm not "hurting" my toddler and that I'm doing the "right" thing. Is letting her cry for milk okay? Should I be doing something different? This is what's going on:

She's 15 months today and we started night weaning her two nights ago. This was prompted by a pediatrician that we were referred to because she started rejecting solids at 11 months and being very picky so she's not getting all the nutrients that she should be getting. From 7 to 11 months old, she used to do a 6-hour stretch the first half of the night and would wake up every 2-3 hours after that with nursing back to sleep. At 11 months, she would wake up every 2-3 hours. She basically ate all night so I see why the pediatrician would recommend night weaning. She did say that it might or might not work for having longer stretches of sleep but at least she'll be less full in the morning and might eat more solids. I see the logic but I know that there are no guarantees.

The first night, she went to bed at 8 p.m., had a false start and I went in. She cried on and off for an hour. It broke my heart but I was there the whole time comforting her while she screamed for milk. She rejected her pacifier and only wanted the boob. I caved and nursed her to sleep in the end because I couldn't take it anymore. She woke up at 1 a.m. and I put my nipple in but switched it real fast to a pacifier that she took. Woke up at 5 a.m. and I nursed her back to sleep.

Yesterday, she woke up after 2 hours. Daddy went in and she cried for 30 minutes while he rubbed her back and fell asleep. Woke up at 1 a.m. and I sleep with her so I rubbed her back, patted her butt, etc but she cried on and off for an hour (I think, I fell asleep a few times when she calmed down and woke up when she started crying again). Woke up around 6 a.m. and I nursed her back to sleep.

Thank you in advance for reading, telling me what I'm doing right or wrong, and what I should do instead!

 

[ebuzi]

@bandit I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. I also strongly disagree with “if they’re upset it’s not right” comment. Our children will have big emotions, it is up to us to co-regulate with them, not just leave them to “figure it out”. It is ok to have boundaries. I would say if the crying continues for more than a week, she’s in fact hungry and go back to nursing. I will say my daughter did eat more solids once we nursed less as well.

Also, I’ve nightweaned but we nurse to sleep and I consider STTN as anything past 5am. I try to give a good bed time snack of whole milk, cheese, banana or something of the sort.

 

[bandit]

@ebuzi She slept from 8 pm to 12:30 am (woohoo) then I held her tight against me while she screamed in my ear for about a minute. She fell asleep and had two more mini wakeups after that but I held her again and she fell asleep almost eight away. Didn't wake up until 5 or 6 am and I nursed her back to sleep at that point. I think this is progress but I'm not celebrating yet lol

I still nurse her to sleep everytime and all she wants during the day but I'm kind of excited for longer sleep stretches.

I usually do bath, brush teeth, night night daddy, nurse to sleep. If I wanted to incorporate a bedtime snack, should I do bath then snack or snack then bath (less close to sleepy time)?

 

[odem]

@bandit I found sending my husband/no boob partner helps a lot. He is way more open to being rocked to sleep without milk if I’m not there. After less than a week, babe dropped down to all but one feed that dad gives him by bottle

 

[ebuzi]

@bandit That’s amazing! I’m so happy that you are also getting better sleep. It is SO important! For bedtime snack, I normally will do it before or after bath time. Sometimes it’s just some whole milk while reading books before I nurse her. We also don’t do a bath every night so do whatever works! …. We are a little loosy goosey over here though!

 

[cutin]

@bandit It is okay to have boundaries. It's OK for your child to be upset by them. Janet Lansbury is very good on accepting emotions in our children we find hard to hear.

That said, night weaning won't necessarily make her take solids. I would question this advice. I had a picky eater that didn't really eat solids until he was 22 months old, and from the research I did at that time, breastmilk would have been helping in a nutritional sense, not hindering. I certainly didn't find that restricting feeds made him eat any more, it just made him upset. (Which actually made him want to eat less.) I carried on breastfeeding him until he self weaned age 4. He is still a picky eater age 13. But he did absolutely fine. It can be normal for children of this age to still wake up every 2-3 hours to nurse and doesn't mean their diet is deficient. I kept being recommended the book "My Child Won't Eat" by Carlos Gonzales. I didn't read it at the time as it was out of print but the summaries/snippets/interviews with the author I found seemed helpful.

If you want to stop/are ready to stop, then fine. But if you don't, and you don't feel it's the right time, you don't need to. Even the AAP recently changed their recommendation to say that breastfeeding until age 2 and beyond should be supported.

 

[bandit]

@cutin I won't be weaning completely until much later (she'll be deciding that) but night weaning for now only. The problem is that she hasn't gained anything since her 11-month weight in and I'm fearing that she's not getting enough minerals and other nutrients like iron which apparently affects sleep (do not quote me on this). She also has some skin issues and the doctor said that it could possibly be affected by that too. I ordered some multivitamins and I'm hoping those will help her to be back on track. She did much better last night and barely cried. I'm kind of excited for longer stretches of sleep for myself but not celebrating just yet

 

[is2017overyet]

@bandit Did you warn them or prep them that milk was going away?

Also the whole idea of solids being more nutritious than breastmilk is off. BM is the perfect food and sure, as they get bigger they do need solids, but it's supposed to be a gradual process. Peds are good for lots of things, but they rarely know much about breastfeeding. It has to be something they've taken an interest in personally to have accurate info on.

Anyways, back to weaning. If you don't mind feeding through the night I would resume for a few weeks/a month and do a whole prep for it. Get books about no milk at night, talk to them about how they're so big they won't need milk at night soon, have a calendar for the last week before stopping and cross it off with them, have a fav animal/toy to start sleeping with once milk sleeps at night. Because of the young age they won't grasp everything 100% but they also won't be completely blindsided because milk is more than food quelling hunger, it's comfort and bonding and togetherness.

Personally I follow 18 months as a minimum for night weaning, though I've found mine naturally cut down to 2ish feeds by then so I continue if I can.
Good luck with everything and follow your gut. Don't be afraid to question the professionals if something doesn't sit right with you.

 

[providenciaet]

@bandit I think any kind of weaning is exceptionally difficult if you don’t 100% (or at least close to 100%) feel like it’s the right time. What does your gut tell you? Do you feel comfortable with the ped’s advice?

 

[pehan1807]

@bandit My bub is almost 16 months. For me, it would be such a hard process to wean her, as it’s the only thing that settles her at night. And I honestly think if the weaning process isn’t easy, then it’s not right. So I think you need to weight this up for your family and then do what’s best. All toddlers get picky with food - mine sometimes doesn’t eat anything in a day. I ensure she is given some fruit, veg, carbs and protein, but in the last few months she just barely eats. She will snack on yoghurt too. But breastmilk she always wants and I think is the best nutrients for her!

 

[katrina2017]

@bandit I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong! It’s really, really hard when you’re the one deciding to wean. It’s also really hard for the little ones to stop such a comforting act. I think it’s just going to be an adjustment and it’s going to suck for a few days. Can you offer her water? Will she hold the boob for comfort while taking a pacifier? Those are some things I did when night weaning my first. It just took some time. He would nurse all night If I had let him. He was such a boob monster—even when he was eating solids, he still preferred breast milk and I was worried he wasn’t eating enough. My pediatrician assured me it’s normal for BF babies to prefer boob vs food but just keep offering.

 

[bandit]

@katrina2017 I tried offering water and her pacifier but she slapped them away she did much better last night and barely cried but I'm not celebrating yet. The biggest problem is that she barely gained anything since her 11-month weight in so our family doctor and the pediatrician were worried about that. TBD if this actually helps with her solids intake but I'm selfishly looking forward to longer stretches of sleep.

 

[ryanthenapster]

@bandit I feel for you!!

I nigth weaned my son at about the same age. I was recently pregnant again and he'd started waking 3x a night and I needed rest badly.

It was a crappy 4 nights. I held him each night as he sobbed, wanting milk and comfort. It got better each night, until he finally started sleeping through the night.

I ended up fully weaning him at 18 months, and it was uneventful. Just reduced nursing until we just...didn't anymore. Heh, now I'm sad that I'm not sure which time was the last...but there was a last.

 

[ebuzi]

@ryanthenapster This is my goal! We’ve night weaned and only have nurse to sleep and early morning nurse now. I’m happy with it so not looking to change, I hope our weaning process is the same where is just happens slowly over time.

 

[katrina2017]

@bandit Sounds like she’s falling asleep faster for dad. Can he take over cosleeping? He can also offer a sippy cup with water when she wakes up, she might be thirsty.

 

[dwhite081705]

@bandit I also question the “weaning helps with solids” advice. Breastmilk digests pretty quickly anyway so I don’t know why she’d be overly full in the morning. My kids both nursed all night as babies and they are clearly still hungry in the AM. Could there be food aversions going on that feeding therapy could help with? I am not familiar with that at all, to be honest.

15 months is still pretty young, it’s possible you could try again in even 3 months and it might look different.

Or maybe just cut the feeds towards the morning first. I do think babies are used to eating overnight and can be truly hungry when they wake up, especially the first overnight feed. So possibly try cutting a different feed first.

And if you want to stick it out and wean now, then go for it. It’s truly going to be ok. It’s going to be tough but it will be ok.

 

[kingback]

@bandit We might weaned at around 18 months. I know how hard it is, but it’s okay! My daughter would cry and cry. I would tell her that she can have milk when the sun comes up and lay with her and cuddle until she fell asleep. We would talk about it during the day and before bed too.

 

[starrfairy]

@bandit She will be okay crying and being comforted. But if you really want to nightwean her, giving in is only going to prolong it and create more crying in the long run. I nightweaned my second and third kids around 16-18 months. The first time was because I had head to toe hives, was pregnant, and literally couldn't bear to be touched any longer, so my husband took the toddler into another room to comfort him while I cried alone. He was nightweaned by night 3, and we went back to happily cosleeping. No damage to attachment, etc. So, with the next kid, while I empathized with him, I knew he would be okay and just did it without guilt/anxiety about it. Same thing with just a few nights of crying.

All that said, one of mine also didn't really eat ANY solids until 14 months, and then by 15/16 months was eating fine. He also ended up with speech therapy, AND he had a lot of food sensitivities. So, I'm convinced his food issues had to do with oral-motor muscle issues and possibly innate protection to food, due to sensitivities, and nothing whatsoever to do with night nursing. Has there been some kind of nutrition panel done on your daughter that shows deficiencies? Is there a concern about weight gain? (My kid gained about a pound between 6 months and 18 months, BUT he was in the 99th percentile for weight, and he continued to grow tall and slim out during that time, so he was healthy... it wouldn't have been healthy to stay on that 99th percentile curve into toddlerhood/childhood). Just some things to think about.