Newborn has trouble sleeping in bassinet so we tried bedsharing last night and it worked but we're still worried

[selja]

Hi, we are first-time parents and every single resource we've come across (classes, articles, doctor's visits, hospital) has preached safe sleep and having your baby sleep in a bassinet or crib by themselves.

Our baby is one week old and we have tried putting him, swaddled, changed, asleep in the bassinet at night but after a few minutes, he will start whining which escalates to full on screaming. We pretty much get 2-3 hours a sleep a night which is making us crazy. We read up about bedsharing and decided to give it a try while keeping blankets, pillows as far away from him.

Last night, we had him nuzzled up to mom and he slept so well! We got a stretch of 3 hours of sleep, woke up to feed, and then got another stretch of 3 hours of sleep. We feel so alive again.

However, we are still worried about the dangers that we've been hearing all this time (e.g. SIDS, suffocation, etc.). So we have a few questions:

1. Is there any way we can try to make him sleep better in the bassinet? Is it that the bassinet isn't warm enough? White noise? Other things we can do?
2. Are there any strategies for mitigating as much risk as possible when it comes to bed sharing?
3. Will bed sharing lead to co-dependence or make it harder for him to want to sleep as he gets older (e.g. in the bassinet, crib, in his own room, etc.)

 

[roxanneadam]

@selja I don't have any suggestions on the bassinet because I have bed shared with all 5 of my children. Read up on safe sleep 7. That's what I have always followed. My children sleep with me for as long as I'm breastfeeding. When I wean them that's when I also transition them to their own beds/rooms. Bed sharing did not make them co dependent and they transitioned to their own sleeping spaces easily. Right now my older 4 children sleep on the second floor in their own rooms. My youngest is 7 months and still sleeps with me.

 

[wijavo]

@roxanneadam When did you start transitioning them to their own beds? Since you did both weaning and their own bed at the same time, what was that experience like?

Smalls is 13 months and we've already weaned, except for when we co sleep. I'd like any advice/tips since you seem experienced.

 

[roxanneadam]

@wijavo I breastfeed until 24 months and do gradual transition to their own beds so it takes a few months but I don't like tears so it works for us. Weaning is usually the hard part. Once they're fully weaned and start sleeping without nursing I lay with them until they're asleep and then move to my own bed. Their beds stay in my room for a few months. If they wake up in the middle of the night I take them back to their bed and pat them or sit with them for a few minutes. They usually go back to sleep quickly. Once they're comfortable with their beds I move the bed to their rooms. I still stay with them in their room until they fall asleep. All of my children have been fully sleeping and staying in their rooms all night by 2.5 to 3 years of age.

Edited to add: All except the 7 months old. He still nurses to sleep in my bed.

 

[smmath]

@selja Here's a link for the Safe Sleep Seven https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/

The US is way behind most of the rest of the world in offering risk reduction techniques for bedsharing, it sounds like that's where you're from. Here is some info from the UK https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

 

[dsecretrio]

@selja One thing I have done is put baby in the bassinet (now crib) bedside for the first stretch of night sleep. At the first wake up, he comes into bed with me. As his sleep stretches got longer, he spent more time in the crib. Now he only spends 2-3 hrs bedsharing per night

 

[laul]

@dsecretrio This is what I did even transitioning to his own room, first sleep was in his bed, then wake up he’d come in my bed now at 21 months he sleeps from 7:30pm to about 7-7:30 am. He wakes up but adjusts himself and goes back. We also lay with him until he falls asleep then we get out. He hasn’t had a Problem in 2 months now. And his brother has been here a month so it’s been good

 

[smmath]

@selja Here's a link for the Safe Sleep Seven https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/

The US is way behind the rest of the world in offering risk reduction techniques for bedsharing, it sounds like that's where you're from. Here is some info from the UK https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

 

[mpgeyser]

@selja We had some success pre-warming the bassinet with a hot water bottle so that we could drop baby onto the warm spot.

I went a bit mad when baby was really gassy around 6 weeks. Gas drops helped him sleep more than 1hr at a time. We do now bed share everyday as it's the only way he sleeps for more than 2hrs.

My husband does sleep next door so that we have more space, and he gets a full night's sleep. We manage night feeds without fully waking up so I get enough sleep too.

 

[peruss]

@selja 1: We used to pre-warm the bassinet with a microwavable heating pad. We'd put it in there during a feed, then take the heating pad out right before we set the baby down in the bassinet. Definitely use white noise as well - I like "womb sounds" which you can find on Spotify.

2: Yes. You need a firm mattress, and you should remove your blankets and any excess pillows. With my 7 month old, we still have one blanket on our bed, but with a newborn, I would remove all of the blankets and wear close-fitting warm clothes. I'd suggest using a throw pillow from your couch instead of a regular pillow (because the throw pillow will be smaller). Make sure that you do not drink any alcohol or take any drugs/meds that could interfere with sleep. Make sure the baby is lightly dressed, unswaddled, and on his back. Aim to have mom and baby in the bed together without dad. (Again, my partner sleeps in the bed now but he was only welcome in bed once our baby hit 6 months.) Check out the Safe Sleep 7 and the Lullaby Trust for more info.

3: I have no experience here as a parent, but I coslept with my mom for many years (due to financial constraints). I was excited to get my own room once we could afford it, and I'm a pretty normal adult now.

 

[ukchristian28]

@selja I was just as nervous about bed sharing as you are. I was a heavy sleeper. I slept through a fire alarm once. I was so worried I would roll over on my baby. But I woke up to her every move and sound. Look into safe sleep seven. Make sure you are in a safe place (flat bed, preferably on the floor, with no pillows or blankets near the baby), you haven't been smoking or drinking, and you sleep in the C position. Also research other cultures. It is normal practice for parents to sleep with their babies. My baby is seven months old and I have just started moving her into her crib for the first stretch of the night. It's going well. I'm hoping to stop bed sharing by the time she is one year old.

 

[juliand]

@selja These links really helped me when we started to bed share -

La Leche league https://www.laleche.org.uk/safe-sleep-the-breastfed-baby/

Lullaby trust - https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

NCT https://www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/sleep/co-sleeping-or-bed-sharing-your-baby-risks-and-benefits

UNICEF https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfrien...and-SIDS-A-Guide-for-Health-Professionals.pdf

 

[kyotodragon]

@selja Welcome to bedsharing! It’s been a lifesaver for me and my 13w old. We’ve been doing it since 2 days and everyone tells me I’m the most well rested new mom they have ever seen.

Since you’ve had lots of good advice already, I’ll just comment on #3. When is the last time you’ve heard of a 17yo who still bedshares? Eventually all little kids grow up and become independent. There’s a mountain of evidence that shoes that very secure attachment (like bedsharing and constant baby wearing promotes) leads to far more independent children, and often earlier that kids who sleep alone or are sleep trained.

Some babies may take longer than others, but they are only little for so long. I’m personally going to enjoy the heck out of having this little human who wants to be with me all the time as long as possible, because one day they will go to sleep in their own bed and no longer need you to cuddle them.

 

[jrmacool]

@selja The first few months are definitely what make me the most nervous as baby isn't able to move independently. That said, i started full time bed sharing at 2 weeks after too many times falling asleep with baby in my arms. What I'd suggest is the following:

1. Try doing shifts with your husband e.g. one of you takes 10-2 and the other takes 2-6 so you each get a solid 4 hours (unless you breastfeed). The person awake should keep trying to put baby in the bassinet. I always found the first sleep was easiest especially right after a bottle. I'd do shifts as much as possible until 4 months when baby has a bit more movement.
2. If shifts aren't for you, I'd highly recommend mom sleep alone with baby on a mattress on the floor. No blankets no pillows until 4 months at least. I started bed sharing in our normal bed with husband, then kicked husband out, then started moving blankets to the waist and sleeping in cuddle curl with my arm between pillow and baby but i still had a few scares where baby seemed way too under my boob or blanket was up close to her face. It could've ended differently very easily, and I'm a super light sleeper but you don't know what hormones and lack of sleep will do to you. Now i still cosleep part of the night (from 12 ish when i fall asleep while she feeds to when I wake up around 3-4) on one of those foldable sofa mattresses which seems as hard as her crib mattress. Don't put it against a wall so baby can't get trapped. I use pants and long sleeves with a light blanket up to my waist (though for less risk it should be no blanket). Lastly only mom should bed share ever. For future kids, I'd definitely start this way. I'd be way too nervous now in bed with my husband
3. I'd keep trying the bassinet. Here's a few things that had some success: put the bassinet mattress in bed with you and baby on it while they feed so they fall asleep on it and you can attempt transfer, wait 10 mins at least before transferring, put baby in bassinet often when awake so they learn it's a safe place, hold pacifier in place in baby's mouth until they're asleep, swaddle arms out or in (try both), got the bassinet attachment for stroller so she'd learn to like bassinet concept and fall asleep from the movement - I'd often use it around the house even to do her first sleep
4. Try a crib - my baby never slept much in the bassinet but crib was slightly more successful. Looking back that bassinet mattress was the most uncomfortable thing ever
5. I did find around 4 months baby started waking up soooo often like every hour or more to suckle and from what I read on here it seems pretty common. Hence why I'd recommend points 1 and 4 before fully going for bed sharing. But it did save my sanity when I was mostly alone caring for baby and back at work, no way I'd have been able to do wake ups all night, i just slept through baby feeding/suckling.

 

[katrina2017]

@selja Look into wearable baby monitors. I used an owlet with my son and between that and all the other safe sleep rules, it was a great experience.

For bassinet tips, really depends on the kid. I tried these things with my daughter and they worked. But it didn't work with my son which is why we coslept.

But try warming the bassinet, if you have a heating pad you can put it on to warm things up a few minutes before bedtime. I didn't have a warmer so I used a fleece blanket tucked tight like a sheet so it wasn't cold feeling.

Have mom (or whoever baby cuddles more with) put their shirt that they wore for the day in the bassinet. Tuck it tight like a sheet and have the baby lay on it.

 

[melissaoaoa]

@selja Taking cara babies for newborns had really good tips for us. Rocking and shushing in your arms until baby is asleep. Then you need to wait 10-20 min until baby is in deep sleep. When in deep sleep, then you can transfer to bassinet. We also used a heating pad to pre warm the bed, and put baby in bassinet butt down first then slowly head. You gotta go slooowwwwww. The longer you can keep baby in contact with your body before you let go, the better chance you have. Dark room (or a red night light) and a sound machine helped too.

 

[josephine_msjesus]

@selja I have read in other posts that putting in a warming pad before bed time to get it nice and toasty is super helpful. And use a sound machine that you all like!

 

[lostgirlsp]

@selja I’ve been sleeping w my baby since her first week, but I still prefer her to sleep in side car bassinet because toddler still sleeps w me in bed too. Sometimes I put a heating pad in and then take it out right before I put baby in. Works well.

 

[hollowman]

@selja I was in exactly the same position as you - our baby completely refused the bassinet when we bought him home and we went completely mad for the first 2 nights trying to stay up while he slept on one of us.

We have been bedsharing since day 3 and he is now 4 weeks. My husband is sleeping in a separate room for now but will join us again when baby is a bit bigger. Bed sharing has completely saved us - we are all getting 7 or more hours sleep (in 2-3 hr stretches) which is more than I normally get when I'm working!! It has turned what would have been a really stressful awful experience into a really enjoyable one and we are having the best time enjoying our wee babe.

I was really worried too but as long as you follow the safe sleep 7 as others have mentioned, then you should be good it's much, much safer than completely sleep deprived parents!

In terms of the bassinet - just persevere! We went from total screaming the second we put him down, to now getting a couple of decent naps in there per day. Our biggest success is when I feed to sleep and then wait til he is completely floppy before transferring him. Make the bassinet smell like mum and put a warming pad in there beforehand. Try for the times when baby is the most tired - usually for us it's the first sleep of the day and then around 6pm. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't, just be patient and slowly it will build up to longer stretches

 

[yasmin3]

@selja I was nervous to bed share but we are now at almost six months. Baby is so much more comfortable next to me. As others have said, loook up the safe 7 and try your best to follow that.

I’ve read lots that basically transitioning your child at any age could either be difficult or not (who knows really), so it’s not a reason to NOT do the thing that is helping you immensely right now.

For me, I went from very interrupted sleeps to sleeping longer stretches, sometimes six hours, after bed sharing. I think we’re currently in a bit of a regression but still she sleeps about 8:30 pm - 7:00 am. She wakes to nurse and we fall back asleep. So it’s not that I don’t get woken up. But I don’t have to physically get up. Once she’s latched I fall back asleep.