Need to know if I’m wrong

@msmia Do they think that the pumpkin patch is going to write down names and tell them they can’t come in if they’ve already been? It didn’t need to be a tit for tat thing but that’s the choice they made. You’re not wrong for wanting to do something fun with your kids that they can enjoy multiple times.
 
@msmia You have a right to do whatever you want to do with them on your time, and there's absolutely no reason why they can't go twice. Lots of children of divorce get to do things twice, that's one of the perks! (The only "first" BD and I negotiated was that one of us wouldn't consistently take the children to see a movie for the first time, we tried to take turns as much as possible.)

Them blaming you for their weird demand not being met is ridiculous.
 
@msmia Even if they only go pumpkin picking once...so what? I mean, I love Halloween and all the associated activities. I know my kid would not be jazzed about making the long drive to the pumpkin patch twice. If my ex took my kid to the pumpkin patch before I could, I would be disappointed, for sure. But I wouldn't assume my ex is a horrible person.
 
@jada11 I wouldn’t have cared for even 2 seconds if they went with their dad first. It would never cross my mind to just not take them because they already went
 
@msmia Well, it depends on the circumstances. The age of the kids, the distance of the pumpkin patch, how invested they are in it. I wouldn't take my kid to a pumpkin patch a second time because we don't live especially close, so it's an all-day effort and my kid wouldn't like having to spend all that time in the car on 2 days to do the same thing because each parent wants to. So for us it's kind of a once-a-season thing.
 
@jada11 Totally understand! Everyone def has their own way of doing things. For me it was about a 45 min drive with a 11 & 9 year old. I don’t know where the place they wanted to go to was because again it’s not my business where they want to go for pumpkins. In a perfect world we all could have gone together but that is not my reality
 
@msmia Just reply: "🎃K"

You're not wrong, they're just being childish. The mature outlook would have been to be happy that the kids get to enjoy the occasion twice! (Not ban the kids from doing it again because dad and stepmom didn't get to do it first.) Don't feed into their negativity because one has to be truly miserable to start a fight over pumpkins. 😂

Also, don't engage with stepmom if she's this petty. You have zero legal obligation to talk to her. Block her and keep all communication between you and dad.
 
@katrina2017 That’s also how I would look at it..that they get to do it twice which what kid doesn’t want to get to experience something like that multiple times? It’s just unfair to my kids

Unfortunately he is extremely childish & won’t speak to me he has always made whatever woman he is with communicate for him so I don’t get much of a choice as much as what you’re saying is right. This is just how he is
 
@msmia You actually do have a right on who to speak with, and that's your joint custodial parent per your court order that specifically states you are to both to manage your children's affairs. If you send messages to Dad and he refuses to response then you can take him to court for failure to communicate. Judge won't care about stepmom because she's insignificant in all of this, they will only care that YOU and DAD are complying with the order. Tell stepmom and dad you will no longer be communicating with her and will speak directly with dad per the terms of the court order, and if he still ignores you well he's breaking the court order and you can drag him back to court with that evidence
 
@katrina2017 He does not care. I have even started a group chat with him her & I so there is no mix of communication & he will not respond then she will text me separately to respond to what I say & its usually something snarky. He thinks he is above our court agreement & i unfortunately can’t afford to take him back to court as much as I wish I could
 
@msmia Actually, filing for contempt is pretty straightforward. You don’t need to retain an attorney and pay thousands of dollars if you are NOT the party breaking the order; many folks actually represent themselves in court in that situation. You just need to fill out the correct forms and have your evidence ready to submit it. If you’re feeling uncomfortable you can always retain an attorney for a flat fee and they can file the forms and submit the evidence on your behalf for a few hundred, but they won’t represent you in court if you want to save on costs. But this will never change on its own because he doesn’t respect you, and hoping to be the civil one won’t change that. Filing for contempt is a good investment to make in exchange for making your life less hellish.
 
@msmia He sounds like my EH; no communication will ever work with this type of person. It took me a while to realize this, but now I state the issue, and I know that I did my part. His rules will constantly be changing, so you never know the standards.

Just remember that you can't control their lack of communication or home policies, but you can make sure that it doesn't affect your happiness as well as the kids. Lots of hugs 🤗 and you only have 6 more years! Lol
 
@msmia You were nice then me. I would’ve been petty, and made a comment it’s a shame they didn’t want to pick pumpkins with the kids, so I feel reassured that I took them pumpkin picking.

They intentionally went pumpkin picking during your parenting time, it had nothing to do with you taking them first.
 
@msmia the kids get two of everything now. if someone punishes kids (making them miss out) because they did something already ,then it's an adult choice to punish the kids so why are you being blamed. aslong as the kids aren't throwing their activities in their siblings faces( I've seen kids do it and their parent addressed it ) then these ppl are just petty. and eventually the kids will see just how petty they are , the other parent(s) think by doing this it'll make the kids do things LESS with you. it might work once,but the kids will catch on. just keep having fun with your kids it doesn't matter if it's first or last ( that's childish because again ,the kids are getting 2) enjoy your time ,they/she will just have to keep being salty that you love your kids . smh
 
@msmia You should move more toward parallel parenting. For example, I have no idea if and when my SS’s mom and stepdad will take him pumpkin picking and they won’t know if/when we go with him. Their actions simply don’t affect my DH’s parenting time anymore, despite what my SS’s mom prefers. She is also controlling (berating my husband over any little thing she finds out that happens during his parenting time, truly minor things that are differences in parenting style) and competitive (will try to copy traditions and hobbies that SS has at our house if SS is excited about something or tells her about something fun we did). My DH only communicates with SS’s mom about things that are in the custody order or joint legal custody issues. He ignores all of her other personal attacks, complaints, and criticisms. It’s hard because they will try to make you feel like the crazy and wrong one. But you need to regain some peace in your life.

All of that said, just focus on living the life you want with your kids (within the bounds of the court order of course). If they are mad about something petty then too bad for them. It is NOT your responsibility to plan their activities or plan bonding activities between your kids and their kids. Your responsibility is to your kids only! If they were concerned about doing something “first” then they could have gone pumpkin picking in September.

Also, as stepmom, I never communicate directly with biomom. I think you should switch to only talking with your ex about the kids. You do not need to respond to her.
 
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