Need a book recommendation! I have a picky, s l o w eater..

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michaelweiss

New member
Do any of you momma’s have a book recommendation (or any tips for me, really...) on how to help my picky, slow eater? My son is 3.5 and has never been food-motivated, getting him to eat things he doesn’t want has always been a challenge.

The biggest problem, though, isn’t WHAT he eats/doesn’t eat, it’s HOW. He will spend, literally, an hour or more eating a meal if I let him. He drags every meal out to the point where I bought a digital timer and set it in front of him during dinner, and he gets a reward if he finishes his food on time. But so far that isn’t working.

People have suggested that I just take away his food after a certain amount of time and, “he’ll get hungry enough and learn to eat faster.” But I just can’t bring myself to do that.

I’d love to read what the experts say on how to de-stress mealtime, because at this point I think he picks up on how frustrated I am. Having to force, coax, bribe and beg him to eat every single bite is really wearing on me... and it can’t be fun for him, either.

Please give me your thoughts if you’ve dealt with something similar, and let me know if there are any good books that I should read on the subject (lord knows I’ve got the time right now!) Thanks in advance!
 
@michaelweiss I mean this gently and as a suggestion, but it's probably not going to sound like it.

Stop coaxing/begging/bribing. Believe it or not, that reinforces his slow eating. He's getting a lot of 1:1 attention at mealtimes, why would he eat faster? Next mealtime, place his food in front of him. Include him in your conversation, but don't cajole his eating. He'll eat when he's hungry. You can set a reasonable timer for you all to eat (however long it usually takes you, plus a few minutes' buffer), and when it's up, you and everyone finished get up and leave. Let him finish--or not-- on his own time. Do not allow him to go back and forth between finishing dinner and playing/etc. He eats at the table. When he says he's done, he's done. Don't try to get him to eat more because he's only eaten half. You can save the remainder, but it doesn't get reheated and he doesn't get to have something different if he's still hungry. Otherwise, you'll have yourself a new problem.

If he gets snack/dessert in between dinner and bed, do the same, but I'd set a time limit on that bc he'll draw it out to push back bedtime.

Source: mental health and childcare professional
 
@abstractrythm234 I appreciate this, and you’re 100% right that he’s getting more of my attention this way (negative or not, it’s still attention). I will absolutely try to control my urge to hold his hand (figuratively) through mealtime.

He does eat at the table with us, not in front of the TV, and isn’t allowed to get down unless it’s a potty trip, and then right back to the table. We rarely do snacks during the day, and never after dinner. So that’s not an issue. But I will try to be better about letting him tell me when he’s “done.” I do tend to try to make him finish his plate, even though I know I can save the rest for the next meal time. Thanks for the tips!!
 
@michaelweiss Good luck! Parenting is hard. Sometimes an outside perspective can help--or hinder. I'm on the fence about "take away the food" for several reasons. You are absolutely correct, negative attention is still attention. Be sure to give him 1:1 time around dinner. When he does eat a bite, he may try to get your attention like "hey, I ate!" Don't feed into this. A simple acknowledgment "very good! Isnt it yummy?", then return to conversation. Bring attention to how others are eating so nicely, how good it tastes, etc will encourage your son to the same.
 
@michaelweiss My son was tube fed for over 2 years and just started eating his food by mouth a few months ago. This sounds just like him! Bribery and tv is how we do it. It's not the best answere but the kids gotta eat🤷 I feel you on the frustration. I know my son's reason is different as I'm sure your child was never tube fed but I would maybe mention it to his Dr. Is he gaining weight fine? Maybe he just taking a while to learn to eat more efficiently? Have you looked into eating therapy or even eating therapy tips online? Learning to use all the muscles needed and efficiently can be hard work and tiring. Could it be lazyness? Kids are hard headed and stick with what they know.
 
@heytherezo I haven’t looked into eating therapy, I’ll do some research! He also has a super sensitive gag reflex and throws up when he doesn’t like the taste or texture of something. Which adds to my stress during mealtime, because I’m always nervous he’s going to do that. Our pediatrician appointment isn’t for a couple months but I’ll definitely bring it up. Thanks for the response!
 
@michaelweiss My son did that in the begining as well. Exposure helped my son. Though I 100% understand the stress and the mess and laundry/cleaning of a kid that pukes all the time. I kept a bucket near by to try and catch it. Also if something was gagging him I would try to quickly swipe it off his tongue. Though be careful not to push it back further in the throat! Seems like with the gag reflex being that way to maybe an eating therapist can teach you guys some tips and tricks for oral stimulation.
 
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