Need 2nd opinion

[jetsetbass]

I would like a outside perspective of my actions.

I am on a 3 week vacation with my 7 year old son in a South Asian country …visiting my parents. My X’s parents are 2 hours away from my parents place and she wanted me to drop off my son with her parents for 3 days.

Even though it’s my vacation I didn’t want to be a jerk so I obliged. Per my x’s messages her dad will pick my son and drop him off but later she I asked me to drop off my son at her parents place.

I really didn’t want to have a awkward moment with my FIL( divorce was rough in the end) so I arranged for my cousin to meet up at a coffee shop, transfer my son to his car and let him finish the last 24 minutes of the journey ( my son met my cousin before, my x in-laws know my cousin as well. )

Now it’s time for return trip …I was hoping my in laws would drop off my son but my x wants me to pick up my son ( 2 hour drive). I was thinking of asking my son if he wants me to pick him or if he is ok if his uncle drops him off.

I communicated the same to my x but went crazy and abused me saying I am careless, how can I let a stranger drop off our son etc
She threatened to take me to court for being careless.

I always go out of my way to accommodate her requests when it comes to my son. In My opinion, my x is not being reasonable.

What are my mistakes in this episode?

Thanks

 

[mountainmike]

@jetsetbass Unless you think there will be a scene, ask the inlaws to meet you, and be there at the exchange.

Keep the exchange with the child's family as comfortable as possible, it will help the child as he navigates 2 families going forward.

 

[jetsetbass]

@mountainmike Yeah. I guess I have to deal with it next time.

 

[espy]

@jetsetbass And going forward maybe stop giving up your time to accommodate her….and use past experiences as to why you’re no longer doing it you went on a 7 day vacation and gave up 3 of your days for her that’s too much if she wants her parents to see him she needs to schedule her own vacation there. Specially if she’s going to dictate how you let steal her your time.

 

[heavensvoice]

@espy He’s on a 21 day vacation and considering the grandparents probably rarely get to see the child it makes sense to do the visit. It’s the child’s relationship too and all grandparents are important.

 

[espy]

@heavensvoice Read it wrong but either way if someone’s doing her a favor she doesn’t get to dictate how that favors done. And would it be nice for her parents to see him if dad is already there yes but he is not obligated to facilitate that it’s moms job to facilitate that on her own time.

 

[heavensvoice]

@espy Mom acted like a jerk, but it’s honestly super immature that the reason dad didn’t go and drop off/pick up his own child while in a foreign country is because he wants to avoid an awkward few seconds.

Moms behaviour is inexcusable, but that doesn’t mean she’s wrong. Had she delivered her perspective in a respectful way OP would look like the asshole.

 

[espy]

@heavensvoice It’s apart of a bigger problem one a lot of co-parents face they want “favors” from the other and then want to complain/dictate how those favors are carried out. If OP doesn’t feel comfortable around the ex in laws he’s got his own reasons for that he shouldn’t have to be around someone he doesn’t want to be around in order to do the ex a favor if her parents wanted him it should have been done in whatever manner worked for OP since OP was the one on vacation and giving up his time. IMO op wouldnt have looked like an ahole for wanting the exchange with her parents to happen a certain way.

 

[heavensvoice]

@espy My point is that this is not a favour for his ex. It is a very simple thing for his child. The visit has nothing to do with the child’s mother, other than it was her idea. This is a gift of time with very special people for his child. That’s all.

 

[heavensvoice]

@jetsetbass She can’t take you to court over this. I can understand her apprehension, especially considering she is so far away from her child right now. That doesn’t mean she has the right to demean you.

If it were me I would pick my child up myself. You are a grown up. You can handle an “awkward moment”.