@samf I’m sorry her attitude has gone sour. That’s where I can imagine you not wanting to reward bad behavior.
The school does senior portraits for the year book.
If you feel those pictures would be enough then so be it.
It’s sucks that you no longer get to enjoy her company. If it’s an option maybe look into family counseling. Hopefully that can restore your relationship.
@samf I bet she’s a beautiful goth girl! Honestly, kids go through these things. At 18, the first thing I did was go and get a tattoo! I didn’t get any more after that. It was just a rebellious streak.
@leonariver She says she is getting a shoulder tattoo when she turns 18. I said go for it. But the homemade tattoo looks terrible. The one on her arm is a knife. I asked if she wanted to be a chef and she got all mad.
@samf I also want to add... I am your daughter, and my parents did communicate this with me. I 'changed' to be what they wanted me to me. Now I'm 31, mom passed, dad isn't around... I have been living a lie. I am that person they didn't want me to be.
@samf Take her for a good professional deep conditioner and trim for the post dye job being sounds like she did it herself. Perhaps see if you two can come to agreement on the make up for the pictures. I can imagine it’s rough and especially having a daughter. It’s probably just a phase but of course you don’t want her to miss milestones school events. I often look back at pictures of my son and tear up remembering how sweet he once was.
I understand the trying not to judge appearance, control and make comments can be no easy task for us teenage parents, but as we know if we try to control it they just get sneakier and it can lead to dangerous choices. Of course we don’t have to encourage the choices especially underage tattoos but perhaps like I mentioned earlier maybe taking her to a salon to get her post dye job conditioned and cleaned up will lead to some bonding and perhaps the stylist will talk her into one color being they cringe at seeing self dye jobs and teens love listening advice we give them coming from someone else.
You got this mom!! Be easy on yourself about her change and it’s probably just a phase but even if a lifestyle, you’ll love her the same. Sending positive thoughts to you both
@samf Ok I hear you but remember it’s just how she dresses. It’s who she wants to be right now. And your job as a parent is to support her, and to act all upset about how she wants to dress isn’t the way to go. You just gotta accept it for what it is: her style. Not her personality, not her behavior, her style.
Think about it; if you wanted to dress a certain way but your parent didn’t “like” it how would you feel? This your problem, not hers. I hope you can learn to just let it go and understand that just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean that it’s ultimately ugly. And please don’t say that she used to be attractive. She’s still your daughter.
@samf You really need to work on not being so invested in her looks. Praising her for being the perfect blonde athlete is just as damaging as being embarrassed by her e-girl look. And I’m willing to bet there is a connection between those two things. She doesn’t need her mom to love her style, but she needs a mom who knows her, respects her, and is proud of her. This is your last opportunity to cement the bond with your future adult daughter. For the pictures, help her find a stylist that specializes in fashion colors and have it touched up so it looks like the best version of her style. Don’t try and steer her one way or the other, just enjoy spending time with her.
@samf Well at least she's not fat I'm being sarcastic. The kid you are describing is my kid to a t complete with the black/red hair. I think she looks bad ass. I'm so proud to be her mom, especially when we walk into our conservative family's holiday gatherings. My younger teenage daughter is your basic pretty popular cheerleader and the fact that my e-girl has the confidence to dress in a way that makes her feel good in a crowd of basic people makes me so proud of her strength. I definitely fight with my younger daughter about her shorts being too short than I do my 16 year old for wearing fishnets on her arms.
If you think she's doing this to rebel then try a little reverse psychology. I doubt her motivation for her look has much to do with you though. It sounds like she's been through a lot. Please pay super close attention to her mental health and make sure she knows that even though, in my opinion you're a whole ass nerd, that you're there for her no matter what color her hair is.
I know this is an old post. Your description of your girl just hot home since her look is so similar to my daughter's. I hope things are going well with both of you.
I'm being sarcastic. The kid you are describing is my kid to a t complete with the black/red hair. I think she looks bad ass. I'm so proud to be her mom, especially when we walk into our conservative family's holiday gatherings. My younger teenage daughter is your basic pretty popular cheerleader and the fact that my e-girl has the confidence to dress in a way that makes her feel good in a crowd of basic people makes me so proud of her strength. I definitely fight with my younger daughter about her shorts being too short than I do my 16 year old for wearing fishnets on her arms.
