My son is failing miserably in school

[slybelvedere]

@hef I think a lot of the problem is that she doesn’t have the support of the dads. She’s trying to juggle what’s best for him within the confines of their dictates. I’ll bet if she could freely figure out a plan for him with him, they’d come up with something that preserves his well-being, sense of success and competence, and increase their connection to one another. Unfortunately, she’s stuck in a place where she can’t really follow her own intuition. In my opinion from reading between the lines.

 

[jiminz]

@getlostinthewild Sending hugs, that is stressful.

Where specifically are his struggles? Does he not do his work or he does it and it's wrong? Is he bored or so far behind he feels it's pointless ?

What is the school system like there? Are there other types of schools with different educational approaches? For example, here we have normal schools, magnet schools (normal but extra funded so specialize in something), charters (more leniency with curriculum and educational approach) and private.

When we got custody of my teen, he was 10 and hated school. He is pretty severe adhd and had always had a negative experience. Constantly in trouble. He was so far behind in everything that his first state test with us he scored at a kindergarten level in reading and math. We would read to our younger kids each night and he'd actually leave the room rather than sit and listen. He had absolutely no self-confidence with school and would get defensive and argumentative about everything to deflect from his own inabilities.

I put him in a school that was very hands-on learning, project-based. Building shelves to learn about math. Guerilla theatre where in order to play the roles he was excited about, he had to think about reading concepts like tone. I told him to pick any books to read, preschool or whatever I didnt care. Just read. His science class did a lot of cooking, Incorporating social studies with recipes. His school had him walk/run around the fields if he was restless. His school counselor worked on focusing skills, his teachers and I worked on blocking out assignments and color-coding where to focus. This super hands-on was something he loved and wanted to do. He wound up being grade level within 2 years and a bit ahead after. He's a passionate reader now and loves books.

So for us... it boiled down to a school type. He needed to really engage, interact, move his body. It completely transformed his school experience which transformed his attitude about it.

But that type of school isn't always accessible and it may not even be the issue at all. But I just wanted to share our experience in case any of it is helpful. That your child has failed multiple times must heavily weigh in on his own perspective of school and himself as a learner. And that's hard on you too. And it's so hard when that kind of stress just dominates your home. I'm sorry

 

[rachelcolquhoun]

@getlostinthewild For what it's worth, if your son totally flunks high school, it is never too late to turn things around. Anyone can get a GED if they are motivated, and the community college I work at accepts students to college level programs even without one. I used to work at a 4-year state University, and all you had to do to get admitted without a high school diploma was to spend one year at a community college and get a 2.25 GPA.

One other thing- I did not read the whole post, but have you looked into Job Corps? My ex boyfriend went there because he was failing high school, and he now makes $30/hr as a construction crew supervisor. There are options for kids who don't fit into the system.

 

[getlostinthewild]

@rachelcolquhoun Thanks for the encouragement. I am considering the option that he might not graduate (though I'm not telling him that), but I did try to switch his education plan after writing this post. I wanted to drop him from freshman orientation class (AKA "busywork" class), gym, and maybe even his study hall. My goal was to do his core classes only at the high school and accommodate his schedule to get him in a tech class at our tech school (which partners with our school system). I'm positive he'll excel in a cabinetry or mechanics class, and it'll boost his confidence too. His 504 coordinator said no. Freshman orientation is required, and tech classes aren't an option until he's a junior. I asked, "What if he doesn't make it to junior year?" She just shrugged. It's the system we have, she said.

We do have a job corps here. Ours does forestry, welding, carpentry, and electrical. It's definitely an option in my mind. He's smart, but he definitely doesn't fit the academic mold.

 

[levvie]

@getlostinthewild I realize this was a month agoso sorry, but is there a technical high school he can transfer to? The ones by me have everything electrician, plumbing, auto repair and body work, vet tech, tv production, even a hands on engineering program. They spend half their time on academics and half the time in their specialty.

 

[philo850]

@getlostinthewild I do not know enough about this but trade school is amazing