angelbaby35
New member
I am a F 29 y/o and my sister is 37 y/o. She has twin boys that are 4 years old, Mason and Michael. When they were born 4 years ago she came over our house and stayed here for 3.5 months to get adjusted to being a new mom and our help. My sister has always been ungrateful. My younger sister and I would take care of the twins all night for the duration of her stay, my mom would cook for her all day, my brother would play butler all day as well, attending to her needs. When she left she wrote a public message thanking everyone on her Facebook for congratulating her. She never once thanked us for anything. On the contrary every time she mentioned her stay, she would say how she was going through so much alone and how we only helped her “when it was easy for us”. That is not true.
I graduated from college and was studying for an entrance exam for grad school. When she came I dropped everything and took care of her twins along with the rest of my family. They were the first kids in the house and we loved them to pieces. We were happy to, and her ungratefulness wasn’t new to us. After she left, she would constantly call us and cry how it was so hard for her to take care of two kids, and how Michael wouldn’t sleep through the night, how he was teething and always crying, and how she was without any help (even though she had a daytime nanny). Every time she made that phone call I would drop everything and run and get Michael. I really love him, I spent more time with him because she would always give us Michael over Mason since Michael was a bit more harder to take care of. Mason is a parent’s dream. Mason sleeps on time, hardly ever cried, and would just lay there all day. She always preferred to watch Mason.
Then the pandemic hit. The twins were around 5 months at this time. Mason started having some health problems due to which he was in and out of the hospital. She called us in a panic and begged us to take Michael. So we took Michael and since it was the beginning of the pandemic we were all working/studying from home. We took care of Michael until Mason was in and out of the hospital for the next few months. One day she called and said my husband is coming this weekend, we want Michael back. We said that this would take some time to adjust, and let’s ease him into it. She wouldn’t listen to a word and so they came and took away Michael. Those were some of the toughest months for me. I missed him so much. I was feeding him, bathing him, playing with him, helping him get through teething, sleeping with him, and one day she just took him.
I understood that he wasn’t going to be here forever, but the way she took him didn’t sit right with me. For the next two months she wouldn’t let us see Michael. I started getting adjusted to my life again and studying. After some time she would allow Michael for sleepovers under strict conditions. Mason didn’t come to these sleepovers because she always preferred Michael to come for a few days and I could realistically only babysit one twin (Michael is really hyper and demands a lot of attention which is why she would mostly have us take him) So this keeps going on for the next year and then my sister and her husband started saying I have to take in both twins for a week every time. I had to draw the line and I said I can’t, and Mason will be more comfortable at home since he’s never really stayed away for that much time. I want to be honest here because I really want honest advice. I told them no because I was the only one taking care of Michael at home and two kids at a time was something that I really couldn’t do. Then they started blackmailing me by saying that if you don’t take Mason, then we won’t send Michael. So I brought Mason a few times and I love him, but he never wanted to stay more than 2 days. I obliged to this condition as well. Some time goes by and now she says you have to take both together. I stood firm and said NO. I CAN’T do 2 kids together. She then banned me from keeping anyone. I had enough of this by now, I was accepted to graduate school and keeping up with school and kids was getting too much for me. I would want to keep Michael so many times but I couldn’t.
My sister and her husband treat Michael differently from the very beginning. I’ve already said that he was harder to take care of, so they always preferred Mason. Their dad greets Mason first when he comes home, he buys toys for Mason, he expresses his love for Mason, all the while Michael just stares from afar. This breaks my heart so much. Im not saying he doesn’t love Michael, because he does. But he doesn’t treat them equally. If there’s a car ride to go on, or if there’s a toy store to visit, they’ll leave Michael in the car and take Mason.
The current situation is that Michael has started crying uncontrollably at the sight of me. He wants to come home with me and he refuses to go back home. Although I am in grad school and have a lot of academic load, I still offered to keep Micheal and help him get adjusted but they refuse to do anything for Micheal that doesn’t involve Mason. Mason has grown into becoming a copy cater and when Mason cries for everything Micheal has they oblige to all and any requests he makes(no matter how dumb and irrelevant they may be). They enable his poor behavior towards his brother and are well aware that he is copying Micheal’s every move for fun. They have started using this as an excuse to force me to take Mason along with Micheal because they claim Mason will cry if Micheal goes, even though Micheal is currently crying a lot and is in pain from being away from me- they choose to overlook his feelings for Mason (who btw as mentioned before is absolutely and perfectly happy in his home, during all of his sleepovers he misses his family and wants to go back home but his issue with copying Micheal has progressed so much that he ignores his own feelings so he can hang around). My sister and her husband are fully aware of this, I have pleaded with my sister and tried reasoning with her that this is unfair to Micheal because he is also a child and if she can just allow me to help him adjust in their home and let him see that he is welcome here as well he might start feeling better about this situation. She has clearly shot me down and said she absolutely will not let Micheal stay here for a second if Mason is not taken care of. She said the only way Micheal can stay is if Mason can stay with him. I don’t know what to do because Micheal is in pain and I love him very much, I have practically raised him and now my sister is putting up ridiculous conditions that I realistically am unable to comply with. I would like to know what I should do in regards to knowing what is in Micheal’s best interest. I may be upset and sad about this situation but I would like to do anything that will help him, should I stop meeting him for now and let him adjust in his home? Should I cancel all and any meetings for a while which trigger Micheal and make him cry? Any help would be greatly appreciated. I would like to conclude this by saying I know I am not Michael’s mother, and I know I’m powerless. When Michael sees me he starts crying and clinging to me. I feel so helpless, I don’t know what to do and his parents won’t let me take him unless now I take all three kids of hers. She’ll let me watch him when she’s on vacation, but she’ll never let me watch him if I would ever like to, unless it’s all three. Can you guys please help me… it tears me apart when he cries for me. Today he was face timing me aline in the room while his entire family was having fun in the next room. I felt so sorry for him and later cried for hours. My sister is extremely selfish and I feel so used. At this point I just want to know what’s best for Michael. Should I stay away? Should I visit? If so, how often? I really want them to treat him equally and I want him to know that his family is with them, not me. I just can’t see him cry.
I graduated from college and was studying for an entrance exam for grad school. When she came I dropped everything and took care of her twins along with the rest of my family. They were the first kids in the house and we loved them to pieces. We were happy to, and her ungratefulness wasn’t new to us. After she left, she would constantly call us and cry how it was so hard for her to take care of two kids, and how Michael wouldn’t sleep through the night, how he was teething and always crying, and how she was without any help (even though she had a daytime nanny). Every time she made that phone call I would drop everything and run and get Michael. I really love him, I spent more time with him because she would always give us Michael over Mason since Michael was a bit more harder to take care of. Mason is a parent’s dream. Mason sleeps on time, hardly ever cried, and would just lay there all day. She always preferred to watch Mason.
Then the pandemic hit. The twins were around 5 months at this time. Mason started having some health problems due to which he was in and out of the hospital. She called us in a panic and begged us to take Michael. So we took Michael and since it was the beginning of the pandemic we were all working/studying from home. We took care of Michael until Mason was in and out of the hospital for the next few months. One day she called and said my husband is coming this weekend, we want Michael back. We said that this would take some time to adjust, and let’s ease him into it. She wouldn’t listen to a word and so they came and took away Michael. Those were some of the toughest months for me. I missed him so much. I was feeding him, bathing him, playing with him, helping him get through teething, sleeping with him, and one day she just took him.
I understood that he wasn’t going to be here forever, but the way she took him didn’t sit right with me. For the next two months she wouldn’t let us see Michael. I started getting adjusted to my life again and studying. After some time she would allow Michael for sleepovers under strict conditions. Mason didn’t come to these sleepovers because she always preferred Michael to come for a few days and I could realistically only babysit one twin (Michael is really hyper and demands a lot of attention which is why she would mostly have us take him) So this keeps going on for the next year and then my sister and her husband started saying I have to take in both twins for a week every time. I had to draw the line and I said I can’t, and Mason will be more comfortable at home since he’s never really stayed away for that much time. I want to be honest here because I really want honest advice. I told them no because I was the only one taking care of Michael at home and two kids at a time was something that I really couldn’t do. Then they started blackmailing me by saying that if you don’t take Mason, then we won’t send Michael. So I brought Mason a few times and I love him, but he never wanted to stay more than 2 days. I obliged to this condition as well. Some time goes by and now she says you have to take both together. I stood firm and said NO. I CAN’T do 2 kids together. She then banned me from keeping anyone. I had enough of this by now, I was accepted to graduate school and keeping up with school and kids was getting too much for me. I would want to keep Michael so many times but I couldn’t.
My sister and her husband treat Michael differently from the very beginning. I’ve already said that he was harder to take care of, so they always preferred Mason. Their dad greets Mason first when he comes home, he buys toys for Mason, he expresses his love for Mason, all the while Michael just stares from afar. This breaks my heart so much. Im not saying he doesn’t love Michael, because he does. But he doesn’t treat them equally. If there’s a car ride to go on, or if there’s a toy store to visit, they’ll leave Michael in the car and take Mason.
The current situation is that Michael has started crying uncontrollably at the sight of me. He wants to come home with me and he refuses to go back home. Although I am in grad school and have a lot of academic load, I still offered to keep Micheal and help him get adjusted but they refuse to do anything for Micheal that doesn’t involve Mason. Mason has grown into becoming a copy cater and when Mason cries for everything Micheal has they oblige to all and any requests he makes(no matter how dumb and irrelevant they may be). They enable his poor behavior towards his brother and are well aware that he is copying Micheal’s every move for fun. They have started using this as an excuse to force me to take Mason along with Micheal because they claim Mason will cry if Micheal goes, even though Micheal is currently crying a lot and is in pain from being away from me- they choose to overlook his feelings for Mason (who btw as mentioned before is absolutely and perfectly happy in his home, during all of his sleepovers he misses his family and wants to go back home but his issue with copying Micheal has progressed so much that he ignores his own feelings so he can hang around). My sister and her husband are fully aware of this, I have pleaded with my sister and tried reasoning with her that this is unfair to Micheal because he is also a child and if she can just allow me to help him adjust in their home and let him see that he is welcome here as well he might start feeling better about this situation. She has clearly shot me down and said she absolutely will not let Micheal stay here for a second if Mason is not taken care of. She said the only way Micheal can stay is if Mason can stay with him. I don’t know what to do because Micheal is in pain and I love him very much, I have practically raised him and now my sister is putting up ridiculous conditions that I realistically am unable to comply with. I would like to know what I should do in regards to knowing what is in Micheal’s best interest. I may be upset and sad about this situation but I would like to do anything that will help him, should I stop meeting him for now and let him adjust in his home? Should I cancel all and any meetings for a while which trigger Micheal and make him cry? Any help would be greatly appreciated. I would like to conclude this by saying I know I am not Michael’s mother, and I know I’m powerless. When Michael sees me he starts crying and clinging to me. I feel so helpless, I don’t know what to do and his parents won’t let me take him unless now I take all three kids of hers. She’ll let me watch him when she’s on vacation, but she’ll never let me watch him if I would ever like to, unless it’s all three. Can you guys please help me… it tears me apart when he cries for me. Today he was face timing me aline in the room while his entire family was having fun in the next room. I felt so sorry for him and later cried for hours. My sister is extremely selfish and I feel so used. At this point I just want to know what’s best for Michael. Should I stay away? Should I visit? If so, how often? I really want them to treat him equally and I want him to know that his family is with them, not me. I just can’t see him cry.