My husband isn't attracted to me

[thesarabecker]

I am sorry if this is the wrong community but I feel a bit overwhelmed. I had a bit of weight problem before getting pregnant and now I am 3 months postpartum my husband has been making comments about my body especially my tummy. He says he is no longer attracted to me (which is another issue on its own) I have started working out but my progress is slow as I have a ravenous appetite as I am nursing my baby. Any advice on diet tips appreciated x

 

[inchristcah]

@thesarabecker Fuck him. Who even cares if he’s attracted sexually. Like how is that a priority for him right now? Men are the worst. What a selfish loser.

 

[lunarpie]

@inchristcah Men that make the postpartum period about them and their sex needs give me a huuuuuge ick. Like dude, have you heard of empathy?

 

[inchristcah]

@lunarpie Not to mention the fact that the underlying biological need for them is reproduction. Like fucking cool your jets dickwad. Not time to reproduce. I’ve heard that men who take on a good amount of the load feel too tired to think about sex and that seems right to me.

 

[charlotte9014]

@thesarabecker Tell your husband you are losing attraction to him because it seems like his personality has gone to shit.

Tell him to take care of the baby every night because one of the best ways to lose weight is to sleep well. So until you can get a good night sleep for an entire year, the weight is going to take awhile to come off. Maybe he can get a better personality in the meantime.

 

[abstractsbybrian]

@charlotte9014 Hell yeah.

 

[richeerepenter]

@thesarabecker I’m saying what I’m about to say so you know how impossible it can be / feel to “lose the tummy”.

I’m a powerlifter and runner who continued to do both throughout pregnancy. I only put on 30 pounds and I ate incredibly healthily. I worked with a pelvic floor therapist from the last month of pregnancy all the way till now at 9 months PP. My appetite has decreased as I stopped breastfeeding a few months ago. I take all the right supplements, walk 8k + steps a day, meditate and drink all my water. DESPITE ALL THIS I still have a tummy that’s going down insanely slowly, as well as my weight. There are women out there who lose it straight away, and the reason we see them is because they’re in the extreme. This is not what you or any of us should expect of our bodies.

It seems like he lacks the emotional intelligence to grasp the sheer magnitude of what it’s like to a) be a woman and b) be pregnant, give birth and experience postpartum. I think deep down you know how he’s acting vile and no amount of dieting will help that.

If there’s anyway you can get therapy for your self esteem this would be far more valuable - and I say that as someone who’s trying to get that themselves (yay American insurance issues). I hope you see that you are enough as you are

 

[sekeisman1275]

@richeerepenter I’m in almost your exact same boat! Your example is so important. People act like you can just step into a gym when you’re cleared at 8 sees and you can immediately go back to your old body. Putting in the work, for which diet matters a lot too, is not that much faster than letting nature take its course.

 

[richeerepenter]

@sekeisman1275 YES. Putting in the work isn’t making much difference, which pre baby me would have found hard to believe. I think unless you’ve experienced postpartum it’s so hard to understand just what it does to our bodies and minds. We will all get there

 

[peacekeeper208]

@thesarabecker Your problem is not your body, it’s your POS husband. Seriously, fuck him. Guys like him are why I hate men.

 

[mjeduar]

@thesarabecker I didn't even begin feeling a little healed until 4 months postpartum, and not well enough to exercise until like 10 months. 3 months is incredibly early for anyone to hold expectations. You're still in the 4th trimester! It sounds like he needs a reality check and maybe learn how to be a supportive partner. If you want to start doing something for YOU, just load up on veggies, grain, and protein and take babe for some walks around the neighborhood. I would make lactation bars and freeze them so I had something easy to reach for.

 

[jorge_costanza]

@thesarabecker Wow what an asshole. You JUST had a baby. 3 months is still so fresh. Bodies take time to recover. Fuck him

 

[josefnospam]

@thesarabecker Oh hun, this is all too familiar. I’m sorry your husband has felt comfortable making disparaging comments about your body, it’s so not cool. Please make it your goal to feel stronger, healthier, and better in your skin for YOU, not to appease your husband.
In terms of getting back into shape, it’s gonna be a looooong process, and dedication will pay off in the long run. Eat healthy, go for walks daily, lift weights, and follow a postpsrtum specific YouTube ab workout. You will gain strength in your abs and the jelly belly will go away little by little
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with an insensitive husband

 

[rotting]

@thesarabecker I would leave him immediately if mine ever said that to me . I’m sorry

 

[matthiasproctor]

@thesarabecker Fuuuuuuck him! You carried his child for 9 months which is such a huge thing for your body to go through physically. It is hard enough to watch your body change when you have a supportive partner, let alone this kind of arseholery.

3 months post partum is also absolutely nothing! I don't think I felt back to my old self until 2 years post partum (was breastfeeding the whole time).
You're still healing and the breastfeeding hunger is no bloody joke, either. Please give yourself some grace, and give your husband the finger .

 

[chance7]

@thesarabecker You need to lose weight, and that weight is your husband.

 

[godisgoodtome]

@chance7 This

 

[chrissmith]

@thesarabecker What a guy!!! Your whole body has gone through so much change for 9 months carrying the baby and then after. It takes so long for the body to go back to normal, you’re still postpartum. I’ve seen even celebrities have a belly after the baby. Which I find it so unnecessary to discuss. He should be supportive and say nice things to you, you don’t need his stupid opinions about your body and the way you look. You just grew a whole new life, your body is amazing and so are you!!!

 

[lunarpie]

@thesarabecker Relationships go through stages, especially postpartum. It’s ok for him to be less attracted to you, right now as you go through changes, but it is NOT ok for him to give you shit about it. You might not be attracted to him either! The important part is being there for each other during this hard stressful time, and coming back to each other to a place of attraction later, but if he’s going to be a jerk about like this, you might never be attracted to him again! He needs to realize you just had a baby and healing takes time. Getting back to feeling like yourself takes time. I was not at all thinking about sex for my first couple months postpartum and my husband always said it was ok and he will understood it took time. I had my baby 18 months ago, still have the pooch, just now starting to feel good about myself again. I hated the way I looked postpartum, I’m sure my hubs wasn’t always super attracted to me (I didn’t feel sexy at all…) but damn straight he never said a word! And eventually we got our groove back. You’re in the right space to voice all these concerns. I hope you start to see progress but just know you are very early in the postpartum stage and it will take time and patience. I hope things work out for you.

 

[michelangela19]

@thesarabecker If you are going to even try to lose weight or change how you eat please do it from a place of self love and betterment. Hating on your body won't work, trying to hide your body or of shame won't work. I just gave birth to twins and i had a period where i hated my body and i told myself that i couldn't be happy looking like this. But i just found foods that i like i walk 30 minutes a day, i replaced sugar with honey, drank lots of water and I'm 50 lbs down. Don't listen to your husband when he says stuff like that because you have gone thru one of life's biggest physical changes. Just focus on u, find a pattern that works for you, and don't give up!