enarvaez3096
New member
Gona call my child R on here .just not to disclose the name.
Long story as short as possible.
I was in a relationship with Rs dad for 7 years. He got married at the age of 26 and never got divorced. I knew about it and never worried much about her as he wouldn't even call her by her name talking about her .he used to call her "it" ,heard all bad stories about her being an alcoholic, not caring for her son and causing arguments ,cheating, hitting her husband and disappearing for the night etc
Me and him got together around 10 or 12 years after they separated ,can't remember now tbh.
We split up around when covid started for various reasons, he never physically hurt me ,he never cheated as far as I know. We basically fell apart and became flatmates who hated each other. Slept in separate rooms for around 3 years before we split up too. We tried to get on as much as we could for the sake of R. When we broke up ,around 5 months later he said "it" messaged him on FB and wanted to meet up . They met and started seeing each other, then 2 or so months later he said he's going to move in with her because it's cheaper to live with somebody than on his own and she's changed and is nice now. But before I allowed R stay there over night i said id like to meet her as i want to know who is my child goingto be around. We met and she looked and acted shy and quiet. They moved in together and R started staying there 2 nights a week. And this is when the hell started. Everything started becoming a problem. Me ringing his phone to speak to our son while he was there. Me talking to Rs dad about school or just kids stuff was a problem. When he used to drop R off or pick R up he had her on a phone call on loud speaker just so she could hear what we say to each other. They started arguing over me ,she thought me and him meet secretly and he's having an affair. She would call me racist names in front of R ,shouting to his dad swearing about me. R used to get upset and tell me things when dropped back home. His dad stopped replying to any kind of messages even about our child. Anything to do with school any questions I had you know typical parents stuff. He stopped communicating all together apart from when he was dropping and picking R up while on the watch of her on loud speaker as usual. We ended up having many arguments over the situation . I kept getting shouted at behind my back infront of our child. Their arguments got worse and more frequent. Rs behaviour changed and started to missbehave in school and anxiety was thru the roof. R almost got kicked out the school because of behavioural problems. One night while I was at work I had a phonecall , answered and it was R saying they had to run because she went crazy and was screaming at his dad and was shouting about me and milion other things ,she was concerned we having an affair. Then I asked R if they safe now and spoke to Rs dad and found out she's still an alcoholic he just never told me and she drinks on daily basis ,lives on cheapest cider and R told me she drinks white diamond if I remember the name right. I asked his dad what are they going to do and they stayed at family member for a while . I said R is not allowed around her since its not an environment I want R to be in. We agreed they will be staying at dad's family member on the weekends .this lasted around 7 months or so not sure. And Rs dad said she's changed and doesn't drink any more, I been promised they won't smoke in the house as R always smells like an ashtray coming back home. Took few weeks to convince me to allow R back in there. I trusted The dad .was stupid enough and I knew how much R cares about him. Sooo months went by, everything was ok apart from cigarette smell which is f* disgusting. We had arguments over that ,me saying they shouldn't smoke around a child and smoking in the kitchen doesn't make any difference since smoke flies everywhere. But apart from that no trouble. Till last Friday when I had a missed call on what's app from Rs dad. I was at work so rang him back straight away. No answer. Got me worried and had strange feeling somethings up. Rang and rang and nothing . Last time i had a phonecall from his dad while at work it wasn't good news so that was sort of a deja vu that made me feel uneasy. My stomach started hurting and knew somethings wrong. Luckily I was finishing in 20 min so went straight to their flat which is around 20 miles away. I knocked at the door and heard a drunken voice saying who's this! I said its Rs mum. I heard saying "they are not here" I said so where are they. She opened the door slightly and I've put my foot there quickly stopping the door from her closing it. I said "if u don't tell where they are I'm calling the police" she said they left earlier this evening. Then her family members came out of nowhere and started telling me Rs dad hit her and took R and drive off. So it's almost 10 pm and I have no idea where my child is ,if she's even telling the truth. First reaction was to ring the police and tell them what happend and try to find out where my child is. Gave police everybodys names and whatever else they needed. After I rang my exs friend and a family member ,he wasn't with them but the family member said she will call others. Luckily they were asleep at other family members house. I was relieved but also mad that Rs dad didn't contact me to let me know what happend. Even tho he didnt have his phone on him there was at least 3 ways to let me know. I had the worst scenarios in my head and don't know what I would have done if I didn't find R that night. It's the worse feeling you could possibly imagine. It's night and you have no idea where your child is ,don't know if he/she is safe. Is he or she scared? Maybe in danger? Can not even describe what I went thru worrying. But finally found out they are in safe place . Been told R was upset and tired and is asleep now . I told my exs family member to tell my ex to ring me as soon as he opens his eyes. He rang me before 7am. Told me his wife went mental again, was completly drunk and started arguing. Then it progressed to scratching and hitting. Then he told R to go outside and wait for him while he grabs few things so they can leave and that's when she ran towards the door ,opened it and started shouting at our child. Rs dad dragged her back in and punched her in the stomach and grabbed her throat pushing her toward the floor. He said he's done that to protect our child. R stood outside calling his dad crying and shaking as R told me later on. Heard everything and knew what heppend. It breaks my heart knowing R stood there alone scared and i feel bad that happen and I should have been there for my child. I don't think I will ever stop thinking what must have gone in Rs little head during that time. I picked R as soon as I could the day after and went back home. Spoke to Rs dad ,told him every normal woman would not allow him to see his child again and this isn't acceptable, I called him all names under the sun (while R played inside family members house) . My ex thrown Rs bags and said he might just go and finish himself and asked me to tell our son he loves him with tears in his eyes .I said do what you want if you can't talk that's your choice . I knew he won't kill himself as he used to say the same to me when we were together. And threatening me with a suicide will not work as thats not normal thing to do. Explained him R isnt allowed around her ever again . And i mean ever. And he has a choice. Its either her or our son . I was talking for about half hour.
We went home. Me and R Spent hours cuddling and watching movie, chatting. In the morning we got ready and went out for the day out trying to distract R .
Last nite my child came to me and said about a nightmare they just had that SHE came to get him and R was running away scared then R thought she's in our flat in hallway waiting. It made me angry at Rs dad and couldn't resist to message him today. I said about Rs dream and said How mad I am still and I hope she's gona f* de and I hate her and can't believe what he's put our child thru. Then he rang R and after i had words with him and I said I want him to understand if he's even friends with her he will not see our child. He said I won't dictate him what to do. Which made me think they will be together and that it will repeat a fcking gain!! I mean there's no way I'd let R to be around her but I know he will be still influenced by her and in a year or so he might bother me again saying she's changed. I can not cope with this ! I do not want to stop my child from seeing their dad but also I can not risk their safety and wellbeing. I have no idea what to do . I am distraught. His family member told me if he won't get to see our son it will kill him. And to be honest I do not care any more. I don't care what he thinks or feels. Hes almost 50 and i thought he has more brain than this.
All I want is best for my child and peaceful and happy life. I'm worried how all this will affect R mentally . So many thoughts going thru my head .thinking what is the best option. What should I do.. ?
Long story as short as possible.
I was in a relationship with Rs dad for 7 years. He got married at the age of 26 and never got divorced. I knew about it and never worried much about her as he wouldn't even call her by her name talking about her .he used to call her "it" ,heard all bad stories about her being an alcoholic, not caring for her son and causing arguments ,cheating, hitting her husband and disappearing for the night etc
Me and him got together around 10 or 12 years after they separated ,can't remember now tbh.
We split up around when covid started for various reasons, he never physically hurt me ,he never cheated as far as I know. We basically fell apart and became flatmates who hated each other. Slept in separate rooms for around 3 years before we split up too. We tried to get on as much as we could for the sake of R. When we broke up ,around 5 months later he said "it" messaged him on FB and wanted to meet up . They met and started seeing each other, then 2 or so months later he said he's going to move in with her because it's cheaper to live with somebody than on his own and she's changed and is nice now. But before I allowed R stay there over night i said id like to meet her as i want to know who is my child goingto be around. We met and she looked and acted shy and quiet. They moved in together and R started staying there 2 nights a week. And this is when the hell started. Everything started becoming a problem. Me ringing his phone to speak to our son while he was there. Me talking to Rs dad about school or just kids stuff was a problem. When he used to drop R off or pick R up he had her on a phone call on loud speaker just so she could hear what we say to each other. They started arguing over me ,she thought me and him meet secretly and he's having an affair. She would call me racist names in front of R ,shouting to his dad swearing about me. R used to get upset and tell me things when dropped back home. His dad stopped replying to any kind of messages even about our child. Anything to do with school any questions I had you know typical parents stuff. He stopped communicating all together apart from when he was dropping and picking R up while on the watch of her on loud speaker as usual. We ended up having many arguments over the situation . I kept getting shouted at behind my back infront of our child. Their arguments got worse and more frequent. Rs behaviour changed and started to missbehave in school and anxiety was thru the roof. R almost got kicked out the school because of behavioural problems. One night while I was at work I had a phonecall , answered and it was R saying they had to run because she went crazy and was screaming at his dad and was shouting about me and milion other things ,she was concerned we having an affair. Then I asked R if they safe now and spoke to Rs dad and found out she's still an alcoholic he just never told me and she drinks on daily basis ,lives on cheapest cider and R told me she drinks white diamond if I remember the name right. I asked his dad what are they going to do and they stayed at family member for a while . I said R is not allowed around her since its not an environment I want R to be in. We agreed they will be staying at dad's family member on the weekends .this lasted around 7 months or so not sure. And Rs dad said she's changed and doesn't drink any more, I been promised they won't smoke in the house as R always smells like an ashtray coming back home. Took few weeks to convince me to allow R back in there. I trusted The dad .was stupid enough and I knew how much R cares about him. Sooo months went by, everything was ok apart from cigarette smell which is f* disgusting. We had arguments over that ,me saying they shouldn't smoke around a child and smoking in the kitchen doesn't make any difference since smoke flies everywhere. But apart from that no trouble. Till last Friday when I had a missed call on what's app from Rs dad. I was at work so rang him back straight away. No answer. Got me worried and had strange feeling somethings up. Rang and rang and nothing . Last time i had a phonecall from his dad while at work it wasn't good news so that was sort of a deja vu that made me feel uneasy. My stomach started hurting and knew somethings wrong. Luckily I was finishing in 20 min so went straight to their flat which is around 20 miles away. I knocked at the door and heard a drunken voice saying who's this! I said its Rs mum. I heard saying "they are not here" I said so where are they. She opened the door slightly and I've put my foot there quickly stopping the door from her closing it. I said "if u don't tell where they are I'm calling the police" she said they left earlier this evening. Then her family members came out of nowhere and started telling me Rs dad hit her and took R and drive off. So it's almost 10 pm and I have no idea where my child is ,if she's even telling the truth. First reaction was to ring the police and tell them what happend and try to find out where my child is. Gave police everybodys names and whatever else they needed. After I rang my exs friend and a family member ,he wasn't with them but the family member said she will call others. Luckily they were asleep at other family members house. I was relieved but also mad that Rs dad didn't contact me to let me know what happend. Even tho he didnt have his phone on him there was at least 3 ways to let me know. I had the worst scenarios in my head and don't know what I would have done if I didn't find R that night. It's the worse feeling you could possibly imagine. It's night and you have no idea where your child is ,don't know if he/she is safe. Is he or she scared? Maybe in danger? Can not even describe what I went thru worrying. But finally found out they are in safe place . Been told R was upset and tired and is asleep now . I told my exs family member to tell my ex to ring me as soon as he opens his eyes. He rang me before 7am. Told me his wife went mental again, was completly drunk and started arguing. Then it progressed to scratching and hitting. Then he told R to go outside and wait for him while he grabs few things so they can leave and that's when she ran towards the door ,opened it and started shouting at our child. Rs dad dragged her back in and punched her in the stomach and grabbed her throat pushing her toward the floor. He said he's done that to protect our child. R stood outside calling his dad crying and shaking as R told me later on. Heard everything and knew what heppend. It breaks my heart knowing R stood there alone scared and i feel bad that happen and I should have been there for my child. I don't think I will ever stop thinking what must have gone in Rs little head during that time. I picked R as soon as I could the day after and went back home. Spoke to Rs dad ,told him every normal woman would not allow him to see his child again and this isn't acceptable, I called him all names under the sun (while R played inside family members house) . My ex thrown Rs bags and said he might just go and finish himself and asked me to tell our son he loves him with tears in his eyes .I said do what you want if you can't talk that's your choice . I knew he won't kill himself as he used to say the same to me when we were together. And threatening me with a suicide will not work as thats not normal thing to do. Explained him R isnt allowed around her ever again . And i mean ever. And he has a choice. Its either her or our son . I was talking for about half hour.
We went home. Me and R Spent hours cuddling and watching movie, chatting. In the morning we got ready and went out for the day out trying to distract R .
Last nite my child came to me and said about a nightmare they just had that SHE came to get him and R was running away scared then R thought she's in our flat in hallway waiting. It made me angry at Rs dad and couldn't resist to message him today. I said about Rs dream and said How mad I am still and I hope she's gona f* de and I hate her and can't believe what he's put our child thru. Then he rang R and after i had words with him and I said I want him to understand if he's even friends with her he will not see our child. He said I won't dictate him what to do. Which made me think they will be together and that it will repeat a fcking gain!! I mean there's no way I'd let R to be around her but I know he will be still influenced by her and in a year or so he might bother me again saying she's changed. I can not cope with this ! I do not want to stop my child from seeing their dad but also I can not risk their safety and wellbeing. I have no idea what to do . I am distraught. His family member told me if he won't get to see our son it will kill him. And to be honest I do not care any more. I don't care what he thinks or feels. Hes almost 50 and i thought he has more brain than this.
All I want is best for my child and peaceful and happy life. I'm worried how all this will affect R mentally . So many thoughts going thru my head .thinking what is the best option. What should I do.. ?