My child is allowed to need me at night

[sold4christ25]

(Vent.)
I'm going through a rough patch with my daughter's sleep. I briefly mentioned it at a parents' group and a dad lectured me about good ol' CIO and how he trained his kids to sleep 7-7 and 2x 2 hour naps a day.

Just close the door and don't go in until the time is up. It's that easy!

Soooo my baby is only allowed to need me during the day, and only if it's not naptime. Basically 8 hours a day. Babies cry to be manipulative, don't you know?

My daughter is 5 months old.

Jesus.

Edited to add: thank you all for letting me vent. I realize in the moment I was very black-and-white in my writing. I'll add now that I realize not all sleep approaches are the same and not all children react the same way, especially at different ages. I found the talk of classical CIO with very young babies (other than my 5 months old, a 4 days old was mentioned...!) extremely upsetting. I'm not bashing people who try gentle, respectful approaches with older children.

 

[retiefff]

@sold4christ25 My daughter is 5.5 months old! She couldn’t CIO if I wanted her too! In the few moments I’ve had to let her cry while I’m straining a pot of noodles, rinsing in the shower or, in the bathroom she works herself up so bad she’s sick!! The other night I was rinsing a deep conditioner out and she got so upset and worked up she was hyperventilating! I do not understand these people who think this way!!

 

[pshreve]

@retiefff Their babies pass out from exhaustion and they think it’s sleep

 

[cee_the_atheist]

@pshreve So freakin sad

 

[juju123]

@retiefff That’s how my son is. He’s 22 months now and it’s hit or miss if he will wake up and be calm or crying if I’m not there.

 

[foreverrevealtruth]

@sold4christ25 The other night my 21 month old (who was never the best sleeper and took over a year to sleep through the night) woke up crying at 3am.

All the sleep training books would say to leave him, reinforce no waking until morning, let him self settle.

Well, I went in to make sure everything is okay and he was covered in vomit.

Babies don't cry for no reason. Sometimes they need you.

 

[sold4christ25]

@foreverrevealtruth Ironically, children often throw up from too much crying with CIO and Ferber. Clean them up as quickly as you can and lay them back in their crib with no comforting, says the book... they can't expect to be comforted just because they're throwing up from crying, that would undo all progress. I almost threw up reading that.

 

[xor2]

@sold4christ25 That makes my stomach hurt to read.

 

[fighter5]

@sold4christ25 That just sounds so neglectful. My baby is just over a year old and has yet to sleep through the night (mainly due to her reflux) and the number of people who tell me to try CIO makes me so mad.

 

[elliot44]

@sold4christ25 This is so disgusting and disturbing and the fact people prioritize their sleep over their child's needs is sickening.

 

[foreverrevealtruth]

@sold4christ25 Holy shit. I'm 30 years old and I still need my husband to sit with me and rub my back when I'm sick. That's just so cruel

 

[maryj94]

@sold4christ25 This legit makes ME want to cry.

 

[juju123]

@sold4christ25 That’s horrifying

 

[tarand]

@foreverrevealtruth Sort of unrelated, but last month my baby tried oatmeal and projectile vomited in her sleep that night, very quietly. She has FPIES. I mean it was so much puke that afterward she was a rag doll, just limp and tired. No crying, no noise. I always think about how if she were in her room I wouldn’t have heard her. I only realized she puked because I felt it.
We ended up in the ER because she was so dehydrated afterward. I don’t share this with many because it’ll be deemed as fear-mongering for independent sleep, but co sleeping can protect babies too and I wish people understood that.

 

[dayssola]

@tarand Your baby is so lucky to have you as a parent. I just do not understand the mindset of some people. Why have children if not to love them and care for them?!

 

[tarand]

@dayssola Thank you. I agree! Each baby has different needs, and my baby needs me near her to sleep. I don’t see how that’s such an issue

 

[dsecretrio]

@foreverrevealtruth This happens to my sister who "gentle ferber"ed regularly. That baby has woken up digging/playing in his own sh*t/puke more times than I can tell you and it is her 3rd kid, her other 2 never had this issue but her other 2 co slept.

 

[swmagain]

@dsecretrio How are they all behaviorally now?

 

[deeerek07]

@foreverrevealtruth My son had a nightmare a few months back. He was screaming and I couldn’t wake him up. I was so scared. I can’t imagine how he felt and I could never just ignore that. Once he did wake up we cuddled and watched Miss Rachel until we all were calm again.

I’ve had the same thing happen to me where I couldn’t sleep for a bit after a nightmare. And I fully understand what’s happening. My heart breaks for these babies.

 

[stu80]

@deeerek07 May I ask how old is your son? My son has had a few “night terrors” it’s what google describes anyway, but he’s only 17 weeks old. Google says it’s not common amongst kids this young but I swear to god that’s what these are. He’s a very happy baby, never cried. The only times he cries are during these episodes where he wakes up out of a dead sleep just scream crying. He looks like he’s still asleep. Usually eyes are closed and he’s just frozen there. After a few min he turns over and is right back asleep as if nothing has happened. It’s been really hard on me to see him go through them. I’ve brought them up to his ped and even they said it’s impossible that it’s a night terror but I’ve asked other moms with kids this age and they said they have had them too.

They’re so weird but so scary