My child is allowed to need me at night

[lprymus]

@sold4christ25 I love title of this post, perfectly sums up the response I want to give from now on, if I even want to give a response!

 

[godshapedhole]

@sold4christ25 So this father forces his baby to "sleep" for 16 hours per day? How old is this baby? Two weeks? That's excessive. I think this is symptomatic for the thing that many parents really want to have some alone-time and get away from their baby – and that usually only works when baby is asleep. I am sure that this is the main reason that people obsess about loooong sleep stretches and naps and independent sleep. Since I started valuing the time with my baby while he was awake, I found myself obsessing a lot less about his time asleep.

 

[sold4christ25]

@godshapedhole Yes, I think the reason is many parents feel they can't get anything done with the baby in tow. And for many it's true! Babies are gonna baby.

Personally, I don't think the solution is obsessing over a 2.5. vs 2.75 hour wake window and having to put baby down in a pitch dark room at set intervals during the day. How would I ever be able to go out, do anything, enjoy our day?

This man's kids are older but he claimed he did that when they were a few weeks old. Under 2 months I think. He also suggested the same CIO method to a new dad who had a 4 days old (!!!) baby who was obviously clusterfeeding.

I had such a visceral response to the thought of CIO with newborns... maybe his kids had low support needs for sleep and went to sleep just fine, I don't know - babies have different temperaments after all. When I can't respond immediately, my child screams - I mean blood curling screams, tears, choking on her own spit.

 

[barotaro]

@sold4christ25 If an elderly person was locked in a room while they screamed and cried until they threw up and left to sit in it overnight it would be elder abuse/neglect. Why is it not the same for our children? Do they deserve less than because their brains are less developed? I don’t think so. It infuriates me when I hear about things like this.

 

[plyboult]

@sold4christ25 My mom gave me this terrible advice to, saying let my 2week old Cio and even askede how I was going to punish him.. while I was still 7 months pregnant. She said he's my baby, but she used to let us cry until we fell asleep and that's why all of my siblings are so messed up now, thats awful. She said she'd just let us CIO from a week old until like 6, Jesus! That's insane! And she says I'm going to spoil him, from what love?? I never realized how toxic she was.if a baby or child is crying they are crying for a reason, they may not be able to express it like adults, but something is bothering them.

 

[hihi55]

@sold4christ25 I wonder all the time what the stress from CIO during such early development has not only on kids long term mental health, but their physical health as well. Stress is so damaging on so many levels. Genuine question, has there been any cultures that have a history of encouraging something like CIO? Comforting children is the natural response to seeing them cry IMO

 

[greaterthanorequalto]

@sold4christ25 My baby is 14 months. We co-slept from 3.5-12.5 months. Then around that time, I started transitioning her to her crib. For both naps and night time, I give her 15 minutes to cry until she falls asleep. IDK if this counts as CIO but it's what works for me.

She often can't fall asleep right away but takes like 5-15 minutes to cry and then eventually falls asleep. Sometimes she doesn't cry at all.

If she wakes up during the night, I do the same thing. If I hear her going for more than 15 minutes, I get her, feed her and then put her back in her crib.

I wouldn't call what I'm doing advice, just perspective. A baby crying for a short period of time, IMO, is not a bad thing. I've found if it goes for more than 15 minutes, she needs something and is unlikely to stop.

 

[sold4christ25]

@greaterthanorequalto No, that's not CIO. That's a delayed response. Not everyone's preference - nothing will work for everyone, it's normal - but an entirely different approach than total extinction (CIO) / graduated extinction (Ferber). With extinction based methods, the aim is to stop "rewarding" the crying child with a response. You're doing something else. Besides, it's very different doing it with a 12+ months child vs with a child under 6 months - my child is 5 months, and this guy was talking about letting his children CIO at a few weeks old... I mean. Literal newborns. Very different from a "wait and see" approach with a 1 year old.

 

[greaterthanorequalto]

@sold4christ25 I hear you. I didn't do too much research into it because I decided just to go off instinct/intuition based on what worked with my baby.

Sounds like that guy is a prick is what my gut says. lol

 

[sold4christ25]

@greaterthanorequalto Yes it sounds like that I think it's good to establish sleep habits that follow the child. It's very different from a one-size-fits-all sleep training method that prescribes standard intervals, scripted responses etc. - not all children are the same.