My ancestors had 9 and 11 kids starting in their 30s

[mercmorris28]

TLDR: I've got anxiety about conceiving into my 30s so I've been researching my ancestry and there's been so many cases of having 9 or 11! One started at 30 and stopped at 47! With 2 years in betweenlike a real champ even though it was in the 1800s lol

Long story:

I'm a planner. But also a researcher when it comes to literally everything in my life.

So when I began planning out logically when I'd be able to have kids, theoretically we COULD have some earlier in like 2 years when I turn 28 but the anxiety that it will most likely take longer is getting to me very badly.

To the point that I typicallt search out posts and am a part of TTC groups of 30/35/40 yr old because I am searching for successful stories since I know people people with a long duration are typically the ones posting to TFAB and other TTC areas.

I'm still aiming to start at 27 because I know full well how long it can take and that would be the earlier conceivable (pun) time we would have our shit together.

As a side note, my SO is 2.5 years younger than I am, which is also why it's taking a bit of time. I don't want to ruin his/our youthful years. We are still enjoying e/o's company.

So I've been researching my ancestry and there's been so many cases of having 9 or 11 births! One started at 30 and stopped at 47! With 2 years in between like a real champ even though it was in the 1800s. This has been relaxing my anxiety a ton. I know there's no reason to worry because I don't know what I don't know.

But seeing my ancestry be successful has helped a lot. I have no idea why. But it does. Knowing my mom basically had all 4 of us kids at her first attempt also makes me feel better even though I know I could be the needle in the haystack.

I also don't know why I get so anxious because worst case scenario we adopt?? Which I originally wanted to do anyway? But something in my godforsaken brain has morphed to want to have biological kids even though that feels like a betrayal to a decision I made a long time ago? Like my biology is betraying me.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

 

[greenrock]

@mercmorris28 This is pretty cool actually. Most people tend to assume that if they wait until their 30s they can only have 2 kids. Amazing that your ancestors were able to have so many kids, especially in a time with far less medical knowledge of pregnancy and birth.

One thing to consider that they didn't know about in the past, is that short spacing between pregnancies can lead to higher risks for the mother and baby. I'm considering having a large family if I'm able, but would like to space them out by 2 years in age to leave time for my body to recover. Obviously if someone has an oopsie pregnancy shortly after having a baby, it's not the end of the world - just something to consider!

 

[mercmorris28]

@greenrock Right that's why I was so surprised! The 30 yr old DID space them out 2 years apart! Almost exactly! The other one with 11 kids ALMOST space them out every 2/3 years. Maybe one was within a year. I was so surprised!

 

[ooconvert]

@mercmorris28 I wonder if that was intentional or if it was breastfeeding related. I think I've read it's harder to get pregnant while breastfeeding? Not 100% obviously - my husband's brother is only 11 months younger than he is!

 

[mercmorris28]

@ooconvert I had heard that! Honestly I think it's the body's way of defending a pregnancy too soon (super weird personal opinion) after a birth but that would make a lot of sense due to the time distance for sure!

Some people still find ways to get preggo tho LOL

 

[pinpilinpauxa]

@mercmorris28 One of my grandmas had seven kids over, like, a sixteen year period that ended when she was 46 or something. She did suffer a few miscarriages in there (elsewise, I think she would have just had more kids, not stopped any sooner...even with miscarriages there are two sets of Irish twins in the family) but it is reassuring to know for sure. I think my other grandma’s last child was born when she was 40? I don’t quite remember though.

 

[mercmorris28]

@pinpilinpauxa It's certainly validating when all I see around me are friends and family having kids and I'm tapping my foot asking my partner for reassurance that we're doing the right thing.

/deep breaths.

 

[goggleeyes18]

@mercmorris28 Lady, I feeeel you. Literally THIS WEEK two people on my fb feed had babies and another announced a pregnancy due in Jan. And I don't want to do what they're doing I've just been waiting my whole life. Urgh!

/joining your deep breaths

For real though, great news about the ancestry birth rate. Feels promising and positive at least.

 

[mz_jess]

@mercmorris28 I've noticed similar things in my ancestry! My dear great grandmother had 8 children between ages 30/31-45. She didn't even get married before the age 29 or 30 which at the time made her an "old maid" before the marriage.

It's actually interesting that you brought this up here because I've definitely taught myself the idea that if I wanted to have multiple children, I'd have to start early. Of course, I don't want to have 8 or 9 children myself but it's still reassuring to know that people have had multiple kids after the age of 30, 35 and 40, even 45.

 

[mercmorris28]

@mz_jess I was trying to figure out the best place. I know you're not allowed to post on TTC30 or most other places if you're underage. Even though I really really wanted to post it there as a way to encourage others as well as myself. And I didn't know how I felt about posting it on TFAB, but if others think I should I consider crossposting.

Genealogy wasn't something I was interested in until my baby desire started. Which has bee in full gear since early this year when we had the marriage talk now that it's been 3 years together (WHICH IS CRAZY CUZ IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE IT) and I realized I need to get a plan together ASAP.

Recently I've been wanting to know about my heritage to grow my family up being prideful of where they came from... which I didn't really know? And I realized how comforting it was to see my line dating back so long. That the worries I have aren't new and apparently aren't a problem! I know I have plans and back up plans. I really need to worry less.

I'm glad others are seeing it in their lines too! We really put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

 

[marethos]

@mercmorris28 This is an amazing boost of happiness! I'm now remembering my great grandma had 6 kids. Last one being my grandfather at age 40. And she lived for a lonnng time. She passed when I was in preschool. I've always been greatful I got to know most of my great grandparents.

 

[mercmorris28]

@marethos I'm really glad I brought some joy to you. We get Ssoooooo wrapped up in our little corners of our mind that we forget there's a WHOLE WORLD and ancestry of people for many many years who have had our EXACT thoughts and been just fine, even with the problems life brings.

I'm so glad you got to know your great grandparents.

 

[ooconvert]

@mercmorris28 My great-great grandmother had 18 children that survived infancy, starting at age 20, finishing up around 45. I'm sure there were miscarriages, and I know a couple of their children died in infancy or early childhood, making the number of pregnancies and births both higher.

My great grandmother on the other side only had 3 children, but spread out over the course of 16 years. She had my grandmother at 22 and then waited 8 years to have my Great Aunt, then ANOTHER 8 to have my other great aunt.

My mother and my grandmother both had two children pretty much without trying at all (My aunt was unplanned, and my sister was unplanned - my mother and I both happened pretty much right away when trying) with 2-3 year gaps between. My grandmother was 18 and 20 when she had her kids but my mother was 28 and 31. My dad was very much unplanned, too, and his mother had several other children after with no apparent difficulty.

So I'm a little concerned because I have pretty long cycles (and because when I turned 30 my gynecologist started sending me scary emails about advanced maternal age because that's the age group they've graduated me to, I guess?), but it is kind of reassuring to look back at all these women who came before me who had no apparent fertility issues even into their 40s.

 

[mercmorris28]

@ooconvert What a crazy lineage! I'm definitely a statistics and research nerd so numbers is comforting to me.

(Which is also why I get enraged that it's literally IMPOSSIBLE to graft how long it takes people tonget pregnant since so may people NTNP to get preggo and dont track anything LOL cuz their info just isn't trackable.... but that also gives some weird comfort? A reminder that it's only a big deal if you make it? I guess that's why adopting/fostering is such a good compromise to me since it's something I want to do anyway so it's combating my biological fear of infertility or whatever... like "yeah so what if you struggle getting pregnant. Wont stop ya from HAVING BABIEEEESSSS [foster/adopting]).

I'm glad I've made people think about their genealogy though. This is the kind of reddit info I live for!

Fingers crossed for us both.

 

[goggleeyes18]

@mercmorris28 Even though I'm not you/don't have your genes obviously, this gives me hope. My husband's also 2 years younger and I have anxiety (and some grief/loss) about starting in my 30's because he's not ready still. Thanks for sharing!

 

[mercmorris28]

@goggleeyes18 Bro I feel like there are so few of us, though I'm sure it's not true. All I see are women with partners older than them by 3-5 years or their age and I'm like. X_X I love my fiance but dang it's weird comparing where I was to him, I don't want to pressure him so I try not to talk too much about it. He's been daydreaming with me a lot more often which is really nice, he helps my anxiety and reassures me by reading everything I send him about kids.

And I know that fertility can drastically change gen to gen, so I don't have a ton of faith in this, I'm sure you've had this happen in your lineage as well! I had some ancestors just have one kid and some not at all so who knows what their stories are.

I'm proud of you and I'm so glad I could help calm the nerves of others. History is amazing. And one day we will join the ancestral ranks and bring comfort to our future descendants. Whether they be in the form of neices, nephews, adopted, foster, siblings, or biological.

Peace be with you, namaste