My (4 M) son is having a hard time sleeping because he is afraid of something happening to me (38 f)

[lnghrnfan]

My little boy does not want to go to sleep at night. He says that he is scared someone will take me, that spiders will get me, that Freddy or Jason will come hurt me (I did NOT let him watch scary movies. That was his dad during his time with them).

A little background. His father and I divorced when he was a little more thana year old. His dad has been mostly uninvolved-- he would see the kids if I asked him to, but that was maybe once a month. He has since moved to another state and his contact with the children is rare. has never seen anyone be violent towards me or harm me in any way. I have a 14 yr old daughter, whom he adores, and a 6 yr old daughter that he fights with constantly, but loves very much.

I will graduate with a psych degree in May and still can't figure this one out. Any ideas?

 

[shinoobi]

@lnghrnfan Sounds like he's got some anxious and intrusive thoughts. It's tough being so young and not knowing how to regulate those thoughts. I'm no professional, but I think you should try to figure out why he thinks something bad might happen to you. Counter each of his scenarios with a logical explanation of how it's very unlikely to happen. Explain to him that Freddy and Jason are not real people, that spiders are more afraid of humans than we are of them, etc. If you haven't already.

Good luck!

 

[sharief]

@lnghrnfan Your son probably suffers from fear of loss. The way you described it his father doesn't care enough, which is always a heavy burden for a child. It is very hard for single mothers to compensate for the lack of fatherly care. So losing you too is naturally his biggest fear. At that age children typically express their fears through Dreams and fantasies, since they cannot yet reflect their fears.
Have you talked to your pediatrician about it? The pediatrician should be able to offer help or recommend you some kind of support for your son.
Talk to his father about it and try to make him realise his responsability. I know its hard and I've worked with many families who have similar Problems. If nothing helps you can try a play therapy with the involvement of the parents.

 

[lnghrnfan]

@sharief I think play therapy is an excellent idea!! Thank you

 

[talk2me2]

@lnghrnfan Hi! I’m also currently a psych student and I think what your son may be dealing with is some degree of Separation Anxiety Disorder. This is different from normal separation anxiety and is exhibited through unrealistic and persistent worry and anxiety that something will happen to themself or loved ones (most commonly their parents) when apart. This can be displayed as reluctance or refusal to sleep without a parent nearby and even repeated nightmares about separation and bad things happening to their loved ones, which seems to match up with what you described about your son, and is sometimes triggered by a life stressor such as separation from a loved one (i.e. his father and he is now worried about losing you too). This typically does not go away without treatment and can lead to panic disorder or other anxiety disorders later in life, so if you have not already I would definitely bring this up to your son’s doctor. I wish you guys the best and hope that you are able to sort all of this out!

 

[lnghrnfan]

@talk2me2 Thank you!!! I'm a psych student too and childhood development/disorders are not my area of interest, so I have only taken one mandatory course on it. He has done better the past week or so and I have noticed isn't having such a hard time being dropped off at daycare in the morning. Hopefully it was a phase and he is moving past it. I hate it that he was so scared.