My 12f cousin is posting sexual content on Snapchat, parents won’t let her go to school

[mellowesile]

I’m 25(f). I have a younger female cousin who’s 12 years old. We’re pretty close. (she lives a few towns over).

I follow her on Snapchat and tonight she posted a video of her in a hot tub wearing a skimpy bikini and doing a sexual tik tok dance. (Including sexual mouth licking movements…) Again, she is 12. And her parents don’t know.

This is an escalating pattern of behavior for her, as she’s posted things along these lines before, but nothing as egregious as this.

She lives on a ranch in a rural area, with her parents and our grandparents. Her parents are wealthy and give her whatever she wants, but they’re also somewhat absent and give her free reign to do whatever she wants. She has her own iPhone since 8 years old, ipad, apple watch, toys, clothes, horses, go kart, everything.

She’s a sweet girl, and she loves animals and riding her horses and taking care of all the farm animals. She’s funny and loves dancing and music and playing with her siblings. She raises kittens, ducks, pigs, chickens, and even snakes. She wants to own a pet shop when she grows up. She also does photography. She’s a really great kid.

Her fondest desire is to go to school. She talks about it all the time, and has begged her parents to go, but her parents won’t let her go to school.

She lives 45 mins from the nearest town, but there is a decent public school 5 minutes from her house. She’s been “homeschooled” for years but they don’t take her education seriously. She can barely spell or read, and the way she speaks is uneducated. She can’t do math and she doesn’t know any kind of geography, states and capitals, multiplication, division, etc. Shes incredibly intelligent, and sharp as a whip, she’s just uneducated. She’s straight up been stunted by her damn parents not wanting to send her to school!

I’m considering sending this Snapchat video to my grandparents. Her parents won’t do anything about her behavior, nor will they send her to school. But my grandparents would make it happen if they knew what she was doing online. My uncle is terrified of my grandparents, as they live on their land rent free.

Any advice? It’s not my kid but something needs to happen for this poor kid!!!

 

[michaelo]

@mellowesile I feel these are two different issues.

Going to school does not address sexuality and inappropriate online behavior. Nor does not going to school cause such behavior.

I personally would address the Snapchat thing with her directly, discuss sexuality, online safety, dating, hormones, etc.

Then I might address the school thing with the parents and if that get now where, stage an intervention if you grandparents & parent would help and last. I would reach out children social services to see if there are any policies regarding testing and comment you are concerned there is no education occurring—but to be clear — putting a 12 year old who is that far behind into a public school has immense risk, as it will highlight to her just how far behind she is during a vulnerable time in development and her self esteem could tak e a huge hit, and if her social skills are lagging, her peers could be brutal. depending on her coping mechanisms, it could make her behavior surrounding til too videos worse.

 

[starrfairy]

@michaelo I agree. Two different issues that need to be addressed separately.

I will address the school portion, as an educator. Putting a 12 year old who can barely read or write into school without supports is not going to go well. She does need some education and some social interaction, but I would approach those two things differently, at least at first.

First, can she find an extracurricular activity to get involved in that involves peers her own age? What about 4H? She might be able to join the local school's sports or other school teams, even while homeschooling (depends on the state laws). Perhaps you could help problem solve transportation, etc.

Second, if the parents have enough money to buy her whatever she wants, why not suggest they get a tutor for her? There are online tutors... they could still do a more child-led education that way, where the tutor works around her interests, but still helps her gain a foundation of basic skills.

 

[f41thful1]

@mellowesile Talk to your grandparents first and tell them how concerned you are. If they don't take it seriously, then show them the video. Hopefully they will talk to your cousin's parents or just enroll her in school themselves. Homeschooling works for some kids, but others need the social aspect for their sanity, to not get depressed or lonely. Spare your grandparents having to see these images if they listen to you. Good luck. It's really great that you're concerned

 

[lukemaster130]

@mellowesile To me, this is a case for Child Protective Services. Being that hypersexual at 12 can mean something unsavory is going on.

I had a student who did this. Turns out she was raped at age 11. She started doing drugs and having casual sexual encounters. My student's parents found out when my student's cousin reported her behavior to her mother after my student offered her and her prepubescent cousins edibles. She was 13 at the time.

Please do something before this escalates even further.

 

[hisway2016]

@mellowesile Are you in the US? If she is homeschooling, how is she passing? I homeschooled a couple years and had to touch base occasionally with either a charter school or the high school representative to turn in work (depending on where I was). So I am a little confused about how it has never been caught? OP- that little girl needs to go to school. She can hardly read or write? Cannot multiply or divide? That's not right. Seriously, you need to speak with someone in a position to do something about it because when she grows up, she will not have a basic education even! How will she get by in life or support herself? And sexually suggestive videos? Someone needs to step in and help. If she can not read or write, have they even taught her sex ed? In 15 years, she may hate that she was allowed to post videos like that, and heaven forbid a freaking pervert finds her and realizes the lack of supervision makes her a perfect candidate for grooming. You are right to be concerned. She sounds like a wonderful young lady in need of education. I really hope you can help her somehow, and I wish you both the best of luck!

 

[przemek]

@hisway2016 Laws are different by state. In mine, it’s off limits as long as one of the parents has a college degree.

I have a relative who married a man from Kansas who thought it was super clever that his mom told the state they were homeschooling after elementary school so they wouldn’t have to wake up early anymore. He did nothing for school and can barely read or write. He’s a drug addict from a long line of drug addicts.

 

[przemek]

@mellowesile I’m not sure acting out like that is going to make anyone want to put her with other kids at school. If anything, that’s the kind of thing that makes parents pull their kids from school (I’m not condoning this).

They should take away her social media though.

 

[hisway2016]

@mellowesile That's sad...