Lots of Feelings

[kadynsmommy]

Husband and I (both 36 y.o.) have been TTC for 5 months, but only used the ovulation strips last month. They showed I ovulated 4 days after my app. So we were thinking it would definitely be our month. But no. This is after about 6 months of trying a few years back, when we then decided to postpone due to a career change and some stress. I’ve waffled back and forth on if I even want children for a lot of my life and about 6 months ago realized I am all in. If having no children is what I know, yet I keep envisioning life raising a human with my dear husband, it means I want it.

So with some period concerns I have been getting a PCOS workup. Hormones look good…Ultrasound results came back and it is not good. I have a complex cyst on each ovary, and another cyst on my R ovary “like an endometrioma”. I’ve had excruciating periods since my teens and have tried to get an endo diagnosis a few times, and it was always brushed off. I feel a weird sort of validation, I feel anger, I feel sadness, I feel worried. I am afraid it’s something worse than endo, like cancer. I’m afraid this is why I haven’t gotten pregnant. I’m deeply sad that I got pregnant at 21 despite a broken condom and Plan B, and now that it’s all I want it hasn’t happened. A part of me feels like this is the universe punishing me for having an abortion then.

Obgyn’s office called me today telling me to come in sooner than my originally scheduled appointment. (Because that’s not scary. Nope, not at all . /s/) So I’ll be talking to a doctor next week. Everyone I can talk to about this in my real life has had children, and kind of an easy go of it. Thanks for anyone who reads this, it feels good to just shout into the void.

 

[anxiousinphx]

@kadynsmommy It sounds from what you’re saying that you’ve maybe only hit the fertile window once. TTC is so hard but i wouldn’t be concerned until you’ve been trying for over a year hitting the fertile window. It’s very normal to take around a year or more to conceive even with no issues.

Regarding the medical things, I would see what your doctor says. They may not be an issue at all. It’s difficult to know if you haven’t been trying long. Worth getting investigated though especially if you’re experiencing pain.

 

[dunamis1990]

@kadynsmommy I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing on your journey to conceive, and it's completely understandable that you're experiencing a range of complex emotions right now. It's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings, as they are valid and real.

Discovering potential health issues such as PCOS and complex ovarian cysts can be overwhelming and frightening, especially when they are accompanied by worries about fertility and concerns about your overall health. It's natural to feel a mix of emotions, including anger, sadness, worry, and fear.

It's also understandable that you would have mixed feelings about your past experiences, including your previous pregnancy and abortion. Please know that you are not alone in feeling this way, and it's okay to seek support and understanding from others who have been through similar experiences.

Talking to a doctor next week can provide you with more information and guidance on how to move forward with addressing your health concerns and fertility issues. Remember that you have the right to advocate for yourself and to ask any questions you may have during your appointment.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize self-care and to surround yourself with supportive people who can offer comfort and understanding during this challenging time. You're not alone, and there are resources and support available to you as you navigate this journey.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings here. It's okay to reach out for support, and I'm here to listen if you need someone to talk to. Take care of yourself, and know that you are stronger than you realize.