Limiting Screens

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pecosheero

New member
I have an oddly specific question. If you limit screentime with your only, how do you do it? Currently Mini, 7, doesn’t have a limit. I think it’s affecting his behavior and would love to limit it to 3hrs a day for summer.

The trick is he is up at 4-5am daily and doesn’t sleep until 7ish. He also refuses to entertain himself and claims he hates all toys and would rather scream and stomp for 8+ hours than ever try and play alone. I can play with him some but I really do not want to be camp director and have to be his playmate from 4am-7pm each day. He does not have any friends we can invite over (working on that) and there are no summer camps or any drop off activities that parents don’t have to participate in around our town. Moving is not an option.

This just feels like an impossible task that I desperately need to fix. I had siblings to play with and my best friend lived across the street growing up and Lefty while an only child was in daycare or summer camps or allowed to just watch tv all day so we are both struggling.

Mini has autism and adhd which also complicate the issue.
 
@pecosheero My 4yo is autistic. We have set tv time in our daily routine and never deviate. We have tried to deviate in the last year for our own sanity (like watching tv in bed on weekend mornings so we can lie in) and it was horrible for behavior/tantrums.

Summer schedule will be our current weekend schedule. Tv before lunch and tv before dinner. Sometimes that means one bluey before lunch if we’ve had a busy morning. Sometimes that means an entire Disney movie before dinner. Parents decide when the tv goes on. Parents decide when the tv goes off. Absolutely no iPad or phone use. There can be no negotiation with the kid. I ALWAYS have her lunch/dinner ready on the table before I turn the tv off. Literally every time I say “meal is ready. Bye Bluey (or whatever show it is)” and I turn it off.

With our kid, if we do something one time, she expects it and demands it the next day, so we have very little flexibility with some things, like tv.

Also unsolicited advice (as a special ed teacher): next school year, cut out all tv. If screens are this big of an issue, it needs to go. I wouldn’t do it when he’s home all day long this summer because that would be torture for you. He SHOULD be able to play (even independently) for a few hours after school, have family time, have a meal, have bedtime routine, without a screen.
 
@pecosheero We use tv tokens - she’s 4 and she gets 4 tokens for 15 min each. She can choose when to use them except right before bed.

We didn’t start limiting screen time until we noticed behaviors that we felt might be attributed
 
@pecosheero This summer with my 8yo we are going to try something. I’m thinking couple chores off a list, 1 hr reading, 1 hour outside and then she can have screen time for an hour or two. It might not work out but I think it’s worth trying. I’m hoping she’ll get wrapped up in the other stuff and forget about screens.
 
@pecosheero Can I ask,
Would it be okay for him to do structured activities that parents do participate in?
You mentioned there’s no drop off or independent sports or activities, but is there anything available that you can be in with him while he gets started for a couple years, then could grow into independent participation in middle school? I think having something to be good at/harness a skill would be enjoyable and is a great way to start independent play.
 
@pecosheero Does he really not like his toys or is that something that is just said in frustration? I would be tempted to get a new activity or two to help reinforce the screen limit, and have something engaging for him. I’m imagining you may have some challenging behaviors while making the switch to a new routine, but it may be worth it in the long run.
 
@pecosheero In the summer we do 2 shows (the 20ish minute ones) in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, and sometimes 1 or 2 in the evening. If there is stomping or screaming we say it must still be too much tv time and drop one set off the schedule for a few days.

I made a magnet calendar for the fridge that includes the different activities, as well as Parent/Kid time, outside time, and adventure times (whatever that means to you) which helps them know what’s coming up through the day

For keeping busy we have puzzles, toys, books, some music instruments, and a jooki music player (syncs with app on phone and Spotify playlists). I’ll sometimes make “baskets” of different activities, and we have outside time and toys.

When they say they’re bored or don’t have anything to do I give them a cleaning task because “if you’re too bored to do your own thing, you can clean!” - this was passed down to me from my parents lol

Meltdowns are absolutely allowed in their room and screaming/crying/stomping can be done in their room

Outside of tv there are no screens - no apps, no tablets, no gaming.
 
@pecosheero I have a 7 year old only and was struggling with behavior with him for the last two years. I had taken the tablet completely away, also his switch, but always left the tv since he would only watched what I considered “good” shows. Well none of it helped. Several weeks ago I decided to go all out and eliminate tv as well. I still watch tv and we have watched a movie together here and there but it’s done more as an intentional activity then just letting him watch tv. After doing this, I noticed an immediate change in his behavior, so much better mood and not getting in trouble at school anymore. I know it is hard, I HATE playing and am a single mom so I have no one to divide the attention with but its worth it. I try to find activities we both will enjoy such as going to the park and I walk around while he plays, or gardening. He planted a whole plant bed and is always excited to see the progress after school. Now I’ve started reading the Harry Potter series to him which is a series I love and allows me to get the reading time I’ve been wanting (even if im 20 years over the age demographic lol). I know its hard, and I might loosen up on the tv a little over summer, but after having tried everything (even counseling), this has had the most immediate impact.
 
@pecosheero My kid (age 4) watches probably 1-4h of tv a day. iPad is for special occasions, like if we want to actually enjoy dinner out.

Tbh idk how people are limiting screens to 30min or less a day. I can see it for a toddler or maybe older elementary, but idk what a preschooler does all day without a sibling or constant parental interaction. Like literally what does your kid do? How are you, as a parent, not just insane or an alcoholic from entertaining a kid all day?

My husband's and my work schedules are often opposite and I'm just not up for spending all evening and weekend playing with a 4yo. Sometimes I have to get shit done, and the only way that happens is with screens. Often I am just exhausted and burnt out from working FT, and I myself have ADHD.

Sometimes my little will do different craft activities, etc. if I set her up w them but that only lasts like 30 min and often does not feel worth the setup and cleanup.

The amount of financial and emotional resources available to you as parents also affects how much screen time your kid gets. We have no extended family nearby so no help or relief outside what we pay for. We live in a small, shitty house so our kid does not have a playroom or a constant supply of new toys. She can only play outside if we are with her.

The only sure way to keep my kid off screens is to get her out of the house. She goes to preschool, swim lessons, kid yoga and other activities, and we try to organize play dates with other families as often as possible. But when we are at home, yeah, it's a lot of screens.
 
@fordking91 Yea honestly it’s our fault for conditioning him (turns 5 in a few weeks) early that screens were a regular option instead of letting him be bored and figuring it out so we’re fighting the fight now of trying to lessen screen time. We try to keep comfort in the fact that he goes to pre-k, can read, does dance and swim… but we also noticed that if he’s not in those things he constantly would ask for his tablet or tv and if we said no he just pesters us to do something until we give in.

So we just have started to put more limitations on it because we think he needs to know how to function without someone or something electronic being a source of entertainment…

But dammit is so hard.
 
@fordking91 I myself had to work from home in a small space that didn't have access to outdoors, and although I used screens it doesn't have to be 4 hours a day. You don't have to have a new supply of toys all of the time.

If you give her the chance, she will entertain herself. Something that helped me is putting on a timer for 20 min (and that was my work time) and then 20 minutes of parent-kid time (no phones, just pure attention on the kid). Once that routine was set, I started to stretch out the work time.

You can teach your child how to behave in a restaurant without needing to use a screen. Bring paper and pen (or crayons) to keep them busy. If/when they want to run, yell, or act out, you remind them of the rules and then if they don't listen bring them to sit in the car or the washroom as a time out. Worst case scenario you get your food packed up to go or one parent eats then tags in the other parent so they can eat. If you eat meals with your child at home you can practice and it'll make it easier.
 
@peter_p I did say, "if we want to enjoy a dinner out." To me, "enjoy" means adult conversation, not enforcing time out or having to leave because our kid is unhappy.

We eat meals together at home without screens. It is usually unpleasant, as our daughter is also a picky eater.

Maybe once a month, we go to a restaurant. We give her a tablet so we can actually converse with one another rather than with a preschooler, who monopolizes our attention unless she is asleep. She is also a poor sleeper.

Screens provide me a break. While I am clearly winning no parenting awards compared to all the holy saints on the this sub, breaks from parenting allow me to at least be an ok parent.
 
@fordking91 Parenting is a "long game" situation. The foundation you lay now will make her life easier or harder in the long term. Your choice to avoid teaching her now will hurt her in the long run.

Screens are a great way to get a break but if you have her on screens for up to 4 hours a day you're looking at, cumulatively, about 1 FULL DAY a week on a screen at 4 years old. That's 24 hours that she isn't learning, that she isn't playing, that she isn't conversing with others, that she isn't developing her imagination.

Over a year that's just over 7 weeks of not engaging with the world in a way that builds her brain. You don't have to be a "holy saint" to know that your choice has consequences and those consequences aren't going to be felt by you but by her.
 
@fordking91 My 6yo has 30 min to 1 hour a day whether during school days or holidays. The rest of the time she cycles through her toys and we encourage a lot of make believe, craft, music etc - keeping it diverse and often prompting her to move to another activity if she gets bored.

On weekends I get her to help in the kitchen, garden, grocery run. We plan meals together and recently she has started writing her own picture recipes of food she wants to cook that we then shop for and make together.

Sometimes I'm busy so I'll put on an audio book, usually only 1-2 hours at a time.

When she was younger we would set up the bath so she could safely play in the water for ages.

We don't have family nearby so she talks on the phone usually 1.5 hours every other day with family.

We don't like screens at dinner so if we went out, we would interact with her until she learnt to sit at a table in a restaurant and have a conversation. It looked very different as a toddler, where we had to get up and walk her around, then later on we used activity books etc but we always practiced with observation and highlighting what's new and fun about the restaurant. Oh look there's sushi, we eat that with chopsticks! And here's some dipping sauce, how fun!
 
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