“You’re never gonna sleep again.” One week in and on a 3 hour feeding schedule and I’m getting better, more quality sleep than the last few weeks of my third trimester, free of aches, pains, and insomnia. I can also sleep comfortably on my side and stomach again. Also, unrelated, I poop and pee like normal again! Ahh!
“Sleep when the baby sleeps.” yep! I also do laundry when the baby does laundry. I’m a FTM and this is a totally reductionist piece of advice. There’s some of sleeping when the baby sleeps but gasp you can actually be productive and get some other shit done.
“Your marriage/intimacy is gonna suffer.” I’ve never been more in awe and in love with my husband, who has gone above and beyond anything I could have expected or hoped for as a co-parent. I know he was gonna be a good dad but, damn. I’m so lucky and grateful for how he takes care of us— especially me after an unplanned non-emergency c section as a result of the flu, preeclampsia and cholestasis at my induction. We feel closer and like more of a team than we ever have. It’s brought us together on whole new levels, especially the communication and problem solving when you’re both sleep deprived.
“You’re GONNA feel horribly depressed after you give birth- talk to someone.” (This was the most rude thing someone told me within 2 seconds after meeting me for the first time). I went through a lot with my delivery. I also was lucky to have an exceptional team of doctors and midwives and my husband. Post partum depression and baby blues is real but don’t let anyone tell you how you’re GOING to feel. Ive had my moments of crying and processing my delivery but I also feel like myself for the first time in a long time— free of the pregnancy symptoms and free to be a new mom, physically, mentally and emotionally. And that’s my experience and not to be said that others don’t have a harder time. FWIW I have an appointment to see a post partum therapist through my birthing center soon.
“Breastfeeding is horrible and good luck with that.” We lucked out hard with lactation consultants at the hospital. The first couple days were rough, as it took me some time to come out of the magnesium haze, adjust to incision pain and try to do all the things within those first 24 hours while being given a bunch of pain meds and being confined to a bed, hooked to a catheter. Baby boy also got the effects of the magnesium some. But we’ve made great progress with help and my milk came in well thankfully and baby’s weight is up and I’m able to feed and pump almost exclusively. Trying hard to make it to exclusively and almost there!
Plans happen, they don’t happen. Your experience is your experience. Don’t let anyone project their unfortunate experiences on to your psyche and naysay over your positivity, hope, excitement and overall experience. I’m happy as a FTM, that I get to define and go with the ups and downs of my pregnancy and delivery and now my role as a mom. I’m so in love with my son and husband and overjoyed for our new family.
You are all some tough mothers. Now that I’m on the other side, my mind is blown by how much strength and resilience women come with- like I always knew, but now I know.
Edit: this has just been my experience and I appreciate and acknowledge everyone’s will be different.
@lilithdom It seems throughout pregnancy and parenthood you’re going to come across people who will give you unwanted and unhelpful advice. Everyone’s experience is different so take their advice with a grain of salt but sometimes it is also good to know that others have similar struggles and you’re not alone. It’s probably more helpful when people say, ‘it’s pretty common to feel x’ rather than, ‘you’re definitely going to feel x’.
Pregnancy was easy for me, I had a difficult birth, breastfeeding for me was fine, the first 2 weeks after birth were great when my baby was still in that easy newborn sleepy state and I actually had to wake my LO to feed every 3 hours, I was also on a hormonal high. Weeks 3-10 were possibly the hardest weeks I’ve had in my life when my LO woke every hour and had reflux. I felt physically sick from exhaustion and even with an incredibly supportive husband I still woke each time the baby did- it just seemed instinctual. I was grateful to know I wasn’t alone and it wasn’t all Sunshine and roses for everyone. After week 10 things became much easier and after 3 months it was great again for me.
@lucianx I had a similar first few weeks, and in fact my midwife said in a very gentle way to not be surprised if I didn't feel as good after 2 or 3 weeks. She was right, it got stressful. But for me, I was brewing up some PPA during that time that probably ended around 14 months. It's a rollercoaster for everyone and I think if your lows are low enough, that can be all you remember.
I'm pregnant now but I only recently was able to see or hear a newborn without cringing and wanting to leave the room.
That said, I do agree that the exhaustion with one baby is nothing compared to first trimester tiredz and third trimester insomnia.
ETA: that said, for me the toddler years are the most fun I've ever had. Whenever I read that they're harder than newborn time I can't relate at all.
@palmequinox Thank you so much. I totally agree- we keep the bad stuff standing out in our minds. Honestly, the reason that I feel so good right now is because the newborn stage, the first couple weeks, was the stage I was most scared about facing. Reactive/negative people don’t realize or stop to consider how their words affect others who haven’t been through it before and let’s be honest, if you don’t have a certain type of relationship with someone projecting onto you, are you really going to be in a place to receive/perceive it as well intended advice? To feel like I was actually handling stuff as a new mom in the period of time I was previously afraid of made me feel good enough to post.
Also can’t wait for the toddler years!!! I’m a behavior analyst that works with kids and ages 2-6 are my absolute favorite- they’re so fun and unfiltered!! Congrats on your current pregnancy!
