Is multiple children a good reason to ignore scratches, bruises, and bite marks?

[plaura94515]

@elleho123 I agree with others, but other things to keep in mind might be how much rough & tumble and outdoors play is normal in that family. If she’s an only child or indoors more when she’s with you then she’d naturally be getting far less bruises & scratches when she’s with you.

Regarding bite marks, how old are the dad’s youngest kids? Do the marks look like they’ve come from a baby or toddler’s mouth or an older child? I have twins and one was a biter. It was horrific, but she grew out of it. If it’s an older child then that’s much more concerning.

 

[rebekah62]

@elleho123 Hi, while I myself only have one kid, 10wks currently, I got around 14 nieces and nephews that I babysit often, often in groups of 5 or 6, I also work in a daycare, and I'm smack in the middle of ten grandkids on my dad's side, all born between 90 and 99, at one point we all lived together. I also live near a lot of Mormons, where having just 1 or 2 kids is highly abnormal. Most families have at least 4 kids, but I did know families who had 9 kids.

Some bruises and scratches are normal, but covered in them? No, that it not normal at all. Start documenting how Q looks when she leaves and when she comes back. Me and my baby cousin D fought a lot in elementary and we rarely made each other bleed. The boys were usually a bit more bruised and scratched up but they all skateboard and did tricks. We all always knew where theirs came from because we would hear from multiple people about their biffs and the successes. Other than that, the only time any of us were bruised and scratched to hell and back was learning to ride our bikes.

Either one of two things are going on;

One; the kids are being supervised but dad and stepmom are not stepping in when they should when the kids get too rough

Two; the little ones are being left with the big kids and the parents never taught them to be gentle with the babies and to stop the babies from fighting.

This is entirely on the parents. I have seen 5yos hold newborns and play with babies under a year correctly. Please document what's happening to your daughter, this is not normal.

 

[mandy042886]

@elleho123 Yes and no...
Yes its normal to have multiple scratches and bruises with that many children rough housing or just generally playing and not necessarily being rough... especially when kids are playing outside... Not all the time though, I mean it sounds a bit much from what you described.

No to the biting though, that is not a normal thing and usually a sign of some deeper issue with the child who is doing the biting... what? I can't say but it could be as simple as one of the children (though not neglected) feeling that they aren't getting enough attention and is acting out. With that many children in the home and them all being relatively close in age it becomes almost like a competition to get attention from their parents... Again I would not call this neglect.

This is all assuming there isn't a pet in the home like a dog or cat, though I think you would know and would have said if they looked like bites from an animal.

How old is your child btw? And what have they said about it if anything?

Ok, I looked back and I see you said she is 2. She's young enough still to be a clumsy toddler but it still just seems rather excessive.

 

[rexoss]

@elleho123 Think about this like a day at school. Would you come to expect that every day you pick your child up there are new bruises and a bite mark that drew blood with no notification to you? The fact that your ex's response is we can't watch them 24/7 is pretty out there. They would have to be ignoring all of this rough housing and behavior for it to be continuing. Like another commenter said the bite alone would be a mandatory report issue. Abuse may not be the best term but they are neglecting to protect your child from this and from this stand point must be missing from the scenario pretty often for this not to be stopping. I would also make sure you are checking her all over to be sure the step siblings aren't doing other things. I would trust your original gut feeling and start documenting with photos every time.

 

[katrina2017]

@elleho123 It’s common to have a couple scratches but more than one bite and one that drew blood? What tf is going on over there? That’s way more than stepping away for a bit. It takes a lot of strength and TIME for someone to draw blood. I’d be extremely concerned.

 

[shinori]

@elleho123 Document everything in case there is something going on in their house!

 

[popty4real]

@elleho123 Parents can’t watch their kids 24/7? Then who’s watching them? This is completely unacceptable and you have every right to be seriously concerned. Clearly the children are not being supervised by adults for this level of harm to occur. I don’t know what the solution is, but I’d start by telling your ex to ensure your child is no longer harmed or you’ll get a social worker or lawyer involved.

 

[jobeda087]

@elleho123 I have four kids, all two to three years apart in age. We didn't have anything that excessive though there were times they had bruises I couldn't account for. That said, I frequently have bruises on my own body I can't account for.

The biting is a point of concern. I had one go through a brief biting phase and I knew what had transpired each time. You have to be proactive with that stuff.

If she's there on the weekends, maybe the grownups are sleeping in a little and letting the bigs play with the littles, not realizing it is chaotic and unsafe? My husband and I worked opposite shifts for a while and he would sometimes nap while I worked amd the kids played... like, I get that he was exhausted, but meanwhile the 18 month old spent two hours on the iPad, drank seven Capri Sun's, ripped a curtain off the wall and melted a stick of butter in a barbie bathtub in the microwave. To me, that felt like neglect.

 

[katrina2017]

@elleho123 I would not let my kids to that to each other. Children rough-housing....jfc. stop dismissing your responsibility to keep your kid safe...

 

[carriegesford]

@elleho123 No it is not definetely normal.But there are not a lot of things that you can do if the kid does not get violence from her parents but from her siblings.In that case father or mom has to discipline other sibling.Maybe beating them up if they see any kind of violence on that kid.If these things are real then it means that they are not kids they are animals.Sometimes beating your kid (not hars at least one slap)when you see that he\she beats another could be good solution for this problem.i am not telling that it is good to beat your kids but if this situation come to this point then there is nothing that can be done.